Sunday, May 1, 2011

Song of Solomon, Chapter 2: Porntastic

Are heroine is so hot, she makes all the other concubines look like thorns next to lilies. She compares him to an apple tree in the forest and tells us how much she likes to sit under his shadow (v. 2) and taste his fruit. Nope, not about oral sex at all.

Afterwards, she makes him take her out for dinner, because that's all women want out of men, fancy dinners of cakes and apples, to replenish her stores.

Then we get into sex positions, although this one is pretty tame face-to-face missionary, which is excusable because this book represents the birth of porn as we know it and they're learning as they go along.

Now the woman is talking to the other daughters of Jerusalem about how important it is not to wake a man up after sex. But then while she's talking he does wake up and comes bounding down to the harem for more nookie. He pulls her away from her lecture, which, rude, because he wants to do it in the forest again because it's springtime. He begs her to take off her veil and... chase foxes from the vineyards? It's kind of incongruous. Then they have a picnic and an all night... prayer session, until he leaves again in the morning.

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