Sunday, May 29, 2011

Isaiah, Chapters 31 & 32

Chapter 31

Isaiah's continuing campaign against hiring Egyptian mercenaries: better to turn your attention to god, who is planning some vague evil against the politicians and ambassadors. He points out that men and horses are flesh, and in a war situation it's much better to have spirits on your side than people with weapons. He compares it to shepherds attacking a lion, who just growls at them. He also says that god is like a flock of birds hovering over your city: full of shit. Okay, he doesn't say that. Methinks Isaiah was not a soldier before he became a prophet.

What should they do instead? Cast away their idols and wait for god to defeat the Assyrians.

Chapter 32

Another prophecy that has yet to come true: god is going to appoint a righteous king with just princes, as opposed to the usual rabble of inbred tits one usually finds in royal families, I suppose. They'll provide housing and public works and free glasses to the blind and hearing aids for the deaf and free schools and speech therapy.

Fools and scoundrels (read: political and military, as opposed to religious leaders) will discredit themselves through dumb speeches and welfare cuts. But the liberal deviseth liberal things; and by liberal things shall he stand. (v. 8) Try to find a Republican who quotes that particular verse.

He even makes an appeal to women to listen to him, but only so he can tell them the grape harvest is going to fail, so what they have to do is take off their nice clothes and wear sackcloth and slap their breasts in sorrow because god is going to get smity for awhile.

But then he'll restore everything, because some years there is rain in the right amounts and at the right times and other years there is drought and if you haven't invented modern irrigation you're at the mercy of the elements, which you may start to think of as god-like and then just god. Then there will be peace for a few years, followed by more hail, because Mother Nature god is just funny like that sometimes.

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