Saturday, May 21, 2011

Isaiah, Chapters 19-20: Last post before the apocalypse?

I'm writing this on Saturday, 21 May, the day that, according to one particularly well-organised group, will be the first day of the apocalypse. Not that this hasn't happened before.

Chapter 19

God's plans for Egypt. Firs, civil unrest: ride up on a cloud. Cause tension between brothers, cities, kingdoms. Make the survivors heed the council of false idols and wizards. Finally, install a cruel overlord.

Then, economic collapse: cause a drought. Make the fishermen cry. Then do something non-specific to make the weavers and flax-workers sad. Then destroy the fish-farming industry. In fact, make it so there's no work at all.

Political ruin: tell everybody he was watching porn. Whoops! Actually, make the pharaoh's advisors look like drunken fools.

The end result: the Egyptians will be afraid, five of their cities will change their official language to Canaanite, and they'll all convert to Judaism. They'll even build two big altars to god; one in the middle and one on the border. Finally, the Egyptians, Assyrians and Israelites will sign a freedom of movement treaty. If only!

Chapter 20

God tells Isaiah to take off his clothes and shoes and wander naked around Egypt and Ethiopia, because the king of Assyria did the same thing to some Egyptian prisoners and it was humiliating? This will somehow inspire them to rise up against their oppressors.

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