Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Song of Solomon, Chapter 5: Did you poop before sex?

Solomon is sitting in the garden, eating a bunch of 'sexy' foods like honey, wine and milk that would actually make most people's stomachs turn, and perfuming himself with myrrh. The woman is asleep but hears him in her dreams asking to come in. She's not really in the mood at first, and doesn't want to put on her robe or re-wash her feet to open the door, but then she hears him fiddling with the lock and her bowels move. I'm pretty sure that's an expression that hasn't kept up with the time. Then again, Snooki recently admitted that she poops before sex, so who knows?

Anyway, once she has uh, defecated, she puts some more perfume on and opens the door, only to find her beloved has gone. She chases after him, calling his name, only to be found and beaten by the city watchmen. God, that's depressing. Unfortunately, it only makes her more lovesick and she asks her friends to tell him she's looking for him.

Like any good friend, they ask what makes this guy so special, and mostly it's his looks: ruddy cheeks, wavy black hair, nice eyes, kissable lips, good breath, strong hands, six pack, swimmer's legs. Mmm, swimmers' legs. Oh, and apparently he's also her friend. Yeah, the kind of friend who gets you beaten up while mind fucking you.

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