Thursday, May 12, 2011

Isaiah, Chapters 6: The Dumbing-Down of the Israelites

Jerry Falwell loves this entire book, because it 'predicts' Jesus if you read the tea leaves right. Apparently it has never occurred to him the people writing the New Testament needed to convince followers of the Old Testament that it was true so they changed the narrative to fit it. This was easy because they were writing a minimum of 300 years after the events supposedly took place and they didn't exactly have digital video back then.

Chapter 6

Isaiah tells us he's been to the house of the lord, which is how you know he's lying. He's even been in god's throne room. God's throne is flanked by two six-winged angels. Why six wings? Well, two to cover the faces, two to cover the feet, and two to fly with. It makes perfect sense! And what they do is shout Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory (v. 3) and I dissolve into giggles picturing Allen Ginsberg shrieking at his audience about assholes and marijuana. Then when god enters the doorposts shake and the room fills with smoke. I supposed in the days before special effects that was pretty impressive, but now it sounds like a haunted house for the under-4s.

Isaiah whines about about being unworthy of standing in the lord's house, and one of the angels has the most bat-shit crazy solution I've ever heard of: he picks up a burning coal from the altar and flies over to Isaiah, where he puts it against his lips and promises it will purify him. Fortunately I can't find any video evidence of true believers out there who continue this practice, but if we have snake handlers and people looking for the Red Heifer I've no doubt there are nutters out there kissing their barbecues.

Then god comes out and asks who his visitor is. So much for omniscience. Isaiah raises his hand and god tells him to go back and tell the people to hear but not understand, watch but not perceive. He wants them to get fat, so fat their ears are blocked and they can't see. Why? He doesn't want them converting. How long do they have to be stupid for? Until the cities are empty and the land has gone to waste. Weird.

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