The inspiration for Faulkner's novel Absalom, Absalom!, which I have not read yet because I am still intimidated by his writing, having failed to even get through the first chapter of The Sound and the Fury.
It's also an incest story. I complained recently about incest in modern fiction, forgetting, apparently, Abraham's 'she's my sister' ruse, Lot's daughters, Judah and Tamar, and no doubt many more tales of forbidden love in the holy book.
So, the biblical Absalom is one of David's sons. He has a full sister named Tamar, who is beautiful. Amnon, David's oldest son, is in love with Tamar, but can't think of a way to get her alone. He confides in his friend Jonadab, who tells him to play sick and ask his father to send Tamar to nurse him.
Tamar comes in obediently, and as she's making the cakes, he sends all the servants out of the room. As she goes to feed him, he grabs her wrist and tries to pull her into the bed. She protests Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. (v. 12) He doesn't listen. She tries another tack: begging him to ask David for her hand in marriage. Gross. Also forbidden in Leviticus. That doesn't work either and he rapes her.
Having established his dominance over her, Amnon is seized with a feeling of loathing and he kicks her out. She points out that this is more shameful than raping her, but he isn't listening again. He has his servant lock her outside.
She's wearing a multi-coloured garment, the same kind as Joseph used to wear in Genesis, and she rends it and pours ashes over herself while crying. Absalom somehow notices that something is wrong, and puts two and two together. He tells her not to worry and gives her sanctuary in his house.
David, meanwhile, has heard the story and is angry, but doesn't punish Amnon because he's the oldest. Absalom seethes silently and stops speaking to his brother. He bides his time for two years, until there's a harvest festival in another town. He invites all of his brothers, but David refuses. Absalom begs him to send Amnon, then. He instructs his servants to kill him once he's drunk. The others flee.
David is upset, but Jonadab explains only Amnon is dead because of what he did to Tamar. Absalom has fled into neighbouring Geshur, where he's taken refuge in the king's house. The other sons return shortly, though David misses Absalom.
Showing posts with label Joseph. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joseph. Show all posts
Monday, June 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Deuteronomy, Chapters 32-24
Chapter 32
A song! However, with lyrics like They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust (v. 24), Lady Gaga has nothing to worry about.
Apparently, the wine of the Israelites' enemies is poisonous to dragons. Ah, so that's why we don't have any. No word yet on why the unicorns, which god is apparently stronger than, are no longer with us. Too many cage matches with god, maybe?
God then commands Moses to go up Mount Nebo and look on Canaan before his death.
Chapter 33
A repeat of the blessings of the 12 tribes, as given by Jacob at the end of Genesis.
Reuben gets a tepid blessing that he will survive and multiply.
Judah will lead the army into battle.
The Levites will be the priests and educators and guardians of the Thummim and Urim coin that gives yes-no answers.
Benjamin will live in safety.
Joseph will enrich the other tribes. We also find out that the horns of his cattle are like the horns of unicorns, so apparently those are still around. No word on sasquatch.
Zebulin will prosper in the seas.
The Gadites will also be successful in battle, as will Dan.
Napthali will live happily to the south and west.
Asher will have a successful olive-growing operation.
Chapter 34
Moses goes up the mountain and dies. How he managed to write about that is not explained. Then he's buried in an 'unknown' grave in Moab. The people mourn for him for 30 days, then Joshua somehow inherits his wisdom and becomes the new leader and author of the next book.
A song! However, with lyrics like They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust (v. 24), Lady Gaga has nothing to worry about.
Apparently, the wine of the Israelites' enemies is poisonous to dragons. Ah, so that's why we don't have any. No word yet on why the unicorns, which god is apparently stronger than, are no longer with us. Too many cage matches with god, maybe?
God then commands Moses to go up Mount Nebo and look on Canaan before his death.
Chapter 33
A repeat of the blessings of the 12 tribes, as given by Jacob at the end of Genesis.
Reuben gets a tepid blessing that he will survive and multiply.
Judah will lead the army into battle.
The Levites will be the priests and educators and guardians of the Thummim and Urim coin that gives yes-no answers.
Benjamin will live in safety.
Joseph will enrich the other tribes. We also find out that the horns of his cattle are like the horns of unicorns, so apparently those are still around. No word on sasquatch.
Zebulin will prosper in the seas.
The Gadites will also be successful in battle, as will Dan.
Napthali will live happily to the south and west.
Asher will have a successful olive-growing operation.
Chapter 34
Moses goes up the mountain and dies. How he managed to write about that is not explained. Then he's buried in an 'unknown' grave in Moab. The people mourn for him for 30 days, then Joshua somehow inherits his wisdom and becomes the new leader and author of the next book.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Genesis Chapters 47-50
Chapter 47
Joseph introduces his brother to Pharaoh, who, just as predicted, asks them what they do, and they tell him they are shepherds. They ask to graze their flocks in Goshen because the famine is bad in Canaan. Pharaoh tells Joseph to give them Goshen, and they can even herd his cattle.
Joseph presents Israel as well, though in this chapter they're calling him Jacob again. Pharaoh asks how old he is, and he says 130 tumultuous years, unlike his ancestors, who had calm lives of up to 950 years. Then he blesses Pharaoh.
Joseph gives his brothers and father land in Ramses. Jerry flops around trying to explain this contradiction, since according to him, this is the real-time history of the world, and it should only be about 2500 BC, but the Ramses dynasty didn't start until 1319 BC. He says it's an anachronism, a modernization, a mistranslation, anything but the truth, that this isn't a very accurate book.
Anyway, he gives his family bread, but soon there is no bread and people are starting to die. Joseph gathers all the money he made selling corn to everyone and brings it to Pharaoh. What good is that going to do? It's like that movie recently where the world was going to end, but there was a spaceship that you could buy a ticket on for one billion dollars. What good was it going to do to have a bunch of Russian oligarchs in space? Besides better-quality vodka, I mean.
Sorry, I keep getting side-tracked. There's no money, because Joseph gave it all to Pharaoh. People come to Joseph and ask for bread, and right here Joseph becomes Chairman Mao. Rather than being charitable, he says he'll give them bread for their livestock. He does, but a year later they're back, and this time he takes their land and labour. So you see, now they're serfs. Then he orders them off the land and into the cities. So Joseph and Pharaoh now have control of the currency, the capital (livestock), the land, and the labour. They have complete control over anything that happens in the country. Is this what Jerry aspires to? Geez, no wonder the Pharaohs thought they were gods. The only people whose land he doesn't have is the priests, who have a contract.
Joseph lords it over everybody, saying he owns them and handing out seeds to them. He explains that they are now sharecroppers and will have to give 20% to Pharaoh. The people, mistaking power for morality, thank him and agree to the deal, because hey, he could have said 50%, right?
Israel, of course, is thriving. He lives there for another 17 years, until he's 147 and near death. He calls Joseph to him and makes him swear on his testicles not to bury him in Egypt.
Chapter 48
Israel's death scene redux. This time, Joseph brings his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Israel tells him the story of god appearing to him at Luz. He tells his son that Manasseh and Ephraim are his now, but that Joseph can keep any he has after this. I hope the Moral Majority is taking note here of what traditional family life entails: giving your kids to your parents on a whim.
Then the story gets even more confusing, because Israel suddenly asks Joseph who those two kids are. Is he senile here? Anyway, Joseph says they're his kids. Israel says to bring them, and he'll bless them. Israel is going blind, so he can't see them as he hugs and kisses them. Joseph holds Ephraim's hand in his right hand, and Manasseh's in his left and presents them to his father, and puts Manasseh's hand in his father's right hand. Israel reaches out and puts his right hand on Ephraim's head, and his left on Manasseh's head, even though Manasseh is the first born. He blesses Joseph and the boys.
Joseph notices that his father's right hand is on Ephraim's head, and is displeased. He tries to move it onto Manasseh's head instead, explaining which is the first born. Israel says he knows it, but Ephraim's going to be more important, so that's the one who gets the better blessing, because Israel hasn't learned anything from his own history. He tells Joseph he's getting an extra portion in his inheritance.
Chapter 49
Israel, still refusing to die, predicts the future for his sons. Jerry has nothing to say about fortune-telling, though I have no doubt that anyone outside the messianic line who does it is not allowed into the Moral Majority or Liberty U. He tells Reuben he won't excel in life because of his early sex with his mother. How's that for a late fuck you from your dear old dad? He basically calls Simeon and Levi psychotic serial killers, which they are, and curses them. He praises Judah for his loyalty and says the others have to worship him now. He blesses him with wine and milk. Zebulun, whom we haven't heard much about, will live by the sea and make a harbour. Issachar will be a good worker. Dan will be a treacherous judge. Gad will be invaded, but will win at the end. Asher will be a baker. Naphtali will be pretty and speaks well. Joseph will have lots of kids and good land. Benjamin will be a plunderer. He asks to be buried in the cave Abraham bought, and he finally dies. In Egypt. Despite what god promised him before. Apparently, this is an accurate description of the state the Israelite tribes were in at the time: the Simeonites and Levites were a mess, Judahs tribe was strong.
Chapter 50
Joseph mourns and orders his father embalmed. He mourns the requisite 70 days it takes a body to mummify (but he's not a pagan!) and asks the Pharaoh to release him so he can take his father to Canaan. Pharaoh says no problem. They all go, and stop in Atad and mourn again for seven days. The people see this and change the name of the place. They contine on and bury him in Machpelah.
When Joseph goes back, his brothers worry he might hate them. They send him a message supposedly written by their father before his death saying to forgive them. Joseph cries, like he does every other verse. They all fall down before him and agree to be his servants. He explains that what they thought was evil was in fact good, and saved a lot of people. Who are now sharecroppers rather than landowners.
Anyway, Joseph promises to take care of them. Joseph lives to 110, and he meets his great-great-grandchildren by Ephraim, and also one of Manasseh's kids sticks around. Joseph has a much shorter death scene than his father, saying only I die, and god will visit you and send you back to Canaan. He asks them to take his body to Canaan, but he's buried in Egypt.
Joseph introduces his brother to Pharaoh, who, just as predicted, asks them what they do, and they tell him they are shepherds. They ask to graze their flocks in Goshen because the famine is bad in Canaan. Pharaoh tells Joseph to give them Goshen, and they can even herd his cattle.
Joseph presents Israel as well, though in this chapter they're calling him Jacob again. Pharaoh asks how old he is, and he says 130 tumultuous years, unlike his ancestors, who had calm lives of up to 950 years. Then he blesses Pharaoh.
Joseph gives his brothers and father land in Ramses. Jerry flops around trying to explain this contradiction, since according to him, this is the real-time history of the world, and it should only be about 2500 BC, but the Ramses dynasty didn't start until 1319 BC. He says it's an anachronism, a modernization, a mistranslation, anything but the truth, that this isn't a very accurate book.
Anyway, he gives his family bread, but soon there is no bread and people are starting to die. Joseph gathers all the money he made selling corn to everyone and brings it to Pharaoh. What good is that going to do? It's like that movie recently where the world was going to end, but there was a spaceship that you could buy a ticket on for one billion dollars. What good was it going to do to have a bunch of Russian oligarchs in space? Besides better-quality vodka, I mean.
Sorry, I keep getting side-tracked. There's no money, because Joseph gave it all to Pharaoh. People come to Joseph and ask for bread, and right here Joseph becomes Chairman Mao. Rather than being charitable, he says he'll give them bread for their livestock. He does, but a year later they're back, and this time he takes their land and labour. So you see, now they're serfs. Then he orders them off the land and into the cities. So Joseph and Pharaoh now have control of the currency, the capital (livestock), the land, and the labour. They have complete control over anything that happens in the country. Is this what Jerry aspires to? Geez, no wonder the Pharaohs thought they were gods. The only people whose land he doesn't have is the priests, who have a contract.
Joseph lords it over everybody, saying he owns them and handing out seeds to them. He explains that they are now sharecroppers and will have to give 20% to Pharaoh. The people, mistaking power for morality, thank him and agree to the deal, because hey, he could have said 50%, right?
Israel, of course, is thriving. He lives there for another 17 years, until he's 147 and near death. He calls Joseph to him and makes him swear on his testicles not to bury him in Egypt.
Chapter 48
Israel's death scene redux. This time, Joseph brings his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Israel tells him the story of god appearing to him at Luz. He tells his son that Manasseh and Ephraim are his now, but that Joseph can keep any he has after this. I hope the Moral Majority is taking note here of what traditional family life entails: giving your kids to your parents on a whim.
Then the story gets even more confusing, because Israel suddenly asks Joseph who those two kids are. Is he senile here? Anyway, Joseph says they're his kids. Israel says to bring them, and he'll bless them. Israel is going blind, so he can't see them as he hugs and kisses them. Joseph holds Ephraim's hand in his right hand, and Manasseh's in his left and presents them to his father, and puts Manasseh's hand in his father's right hand. Israel reaches out and puts his right hand on Ephraim's head, and his left on Manasseh's head, even though Manasseh is the first born. He blesses Joseph and the boys.
Joseph notices that his father's right hand is on Ephraim's head, and is displeased. He tries to move it onto Manasseh's head instead, explaining which is the first born. Israel says he knows it, but Ephraim's going to be more important, so that's the one who gets the better blessing, because Israel hasn't learned anything from his own history. He tells Joseph he's getting an extra portion in his inheritance.
Chapter 49
Israel, still refusing to die, predicts the future for his sons. Jerry has nothing to say about fortune-telling, though I have no doubt that anyone outside the messianic line who does it is not allowed into the Moral Majority or Liberty U. He tells Reuben he won't excel in life because of his early sex with his mother. How's that for a late fuck you from your dear old dad? He basically calls Simeon and Levi psychotic serial killers, which they are, and curses them. He praises Judah for his loyalty and says the others have to worship him now. He blesses him with wine and milk. Zebulun, whom we haven't heard much about, will live by the sea and make a harbour. Issachar will be a good worker. Dan will be a treacherous judge. Gad will be invaded, but will win at the end. Asher will be a baker. Naphtali will be pretty and speaks well. Joseph will have lots of kids and good land. Benjamin will be a plunderer. He asks to be buried in the cave Abraham bought, and he finally dies. In Egypt. Despite what god promised him before. Apparently, this is an accurate description of the state the Israelite tribes were in at the time: the Simeonites and Levites were a mess, Judahs tribe was strong.
Chapter 50
Joseph mourns and orders his father embalmed. He mourns the requisite 70 days it takes a body to mummify (but he's not a pagan!) and asks the Pharaoh to release him so he can take his father to Canaan. Pharaoh says no problem. They all go, and stop in Atad and mourn again for seven days. The people see this and change the name of the place. They contine on and bury him in Machpelah.
When Joseph goes back, his brothers worry he might hate them. They send him a message supposedly written by their father before his death saying to forgive them. Joseph cries, like he does every other verse. They all fall down before him and agree to be his servants. He explains that what they thought was evil was in fact good, and saved a lot of people. Who are now sharecroppers rather than landowners.
Anyway, Joseph promises to take care of them. Joseph lives to 110, and he meets his great-great-grandchildren by Ephraim, and also one of Manasseh's kids sticks around. Joseph has a much shorter death scene than his father, saying only I die, and god will visit you and send you back to Canaan. He asks them to take his body to Canaan, but he's buried in Egypt.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Genesis, Chapter 46
Israel sets off for Egypt. On his way, he stops to make sacrifices at the altar his father built, apparently because he remembers how much trouble Abraham caused there with his 'she's my sister' routine, and how Isaac wasn't even allowed to go. God calls him, and calls him Jacob, despite changing his name. He tells him to go to Egypt and he'll make a great nation there, and he'll return him to Canaan safely. Reassured, they all leave.
We get a packing list of every man who comes with him, along with two girls, Dinah and Sereh, daughter of Asher, son of one of his slaves. He needs a packing list, because there are 70 people in total. He sends Judah on ahead to scout out Goshen.
Joseph comes out to Goshen and hugs his father and Israel's response is now let me die, since I have seen thy face, because thou art yet alive. (v 30) like, don't you want to catch up a little? Also, didn't god just promise to bring him back to Canaan?
Joseph tells his brothers he's going to get Pharaoh so he can introduce them all, so clearly Israel's desire to die is just histrionics and they're all used to it. He tells them he's going to tell Pharaoh they're shepherds and then Pharaoh is going to ask them about it, and they should be honest, even though the Egyptians think shepherding is an abomination. Oh, aren't cultural differences fun!
We get a packing list of every man who comes with him, along with two girls, Dinah and Sereh, daughter of Asher, son of one of his slaves. He needs a packing list, because there are 70 people in total. He sends Judah on ahead to scout out Goshen.
Joseph comes out to Goshen and hugs his father and Israel's response is now let me die, since I have seen thy face, because thou art yet alive. (v 30) like, don't you want to catch up a little? Also, didn't god just promise to bring him back to Canaan?
Joseph tells his brothers he's going to get Pharaoh so he can introduce them all, so clearly Israel's desire to die is just histrionics and they're all used to it. He tells them he's going to tell Pharaoh they're shepherds and then Pharaoh is going to ask them about it, and they should be honest, even though the Egyptians think shepherding is an abomination. Oh, aren't cultural differences fun!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Genesis Chapters 42-45
Chapter 42
Israel/Jacob hears there is corn in Europe and he tells his sons to stop twiddling their thumbs and get down their and buy some. He keeps the youngest, Benjamin with him, but the other 10 go.
Joseph is still governor and his brothers kneel before him, because apparently money isn't enough anymore for our lovable egomaniac, he also needs worship. He recognizes them and is rude to them, but they don't recognize him, just like Shakespeare! Joseph also remembers his dreams, where the grain and the stars paid homage to him. He's not ready to forgive quite yet, though so he accuses them of spying. They go back and forth a bit, but Joseph has the last word and tells them they can't leave unless they agree to go get Benjamin. To ensure they come back, they'll have to leave one there. He keeps them all in prison for three days, where they admit their guilt over what they did to Joseph. Reuben, of course has to get an 'I told you so!' in. Joseph is listening to all of this. He cries, but still keeps Simeon back.
He fills their sacks with corn and secretly refunds the money they paid. They find it at the inn they stop at for the night. They take it as a bad omen from god.
They get home and tell their father what happened. Israel is reluctant to part with Benjamin, but Reuben says he can kill his sons if they don't bring him back. That sounds very satisfying: kill two grandsons, who are quite possibly your concubine's children, in exchange for your own son. Is this what the Moral Majority, brainchild of Jerry, thinks of when it lobbies for 'a traditional vision of family life'? Unfortunately it fails to convince Israel.
Chapter 43
The famine gets worse, and Israel asks his sons to go back to Egypt and get more grain. They remind him that they can't unless they bring Benjamin. He whines that they shouldn't have said anything about their remaining brother, but they insist that the disguised Joseph asked them if their father was alive and if they had any other brothers, and they were honest and didn't know what his demand would be.
Judah steps forward and says that Israel can also have his kids as insurance and points out that in the time they've spent arguing, they could have gone and come back. Israel finally yields and tells them to take along some presents, as well to double the money they're taking, because maybe the last time was just an oversight.
Joseph sees them and instructs his men to prepare a feast. They're afraid to go into Joseph's house, thinking he's going to enslave them. So they explain to his steward about the money, that it was still in the sacks when they got to the inn, which strikes me as dumb, because there's no way that's going to sound plausible.
The steward is more gullible than me, though, because he tells them not to worry, god restored their coffers, he still has the original coins. He brings Simeon out, and they go inside, wash their feet, take care of the donkeys, and get their presents out for Joseph.
They kneel before their brother again, who accepts the gifts and asks after their father. He sees his brother Benjamin, but is overwhelmed with emotion and has to run into his bedroom to cry. He composes himself and comes back. There's a little description of the eating arrangements: the brethren are in one room, Joseph in another, and the Egyptians in a third, because to eat bread with the Hebrews... that is an abomination unto the Egyptians (v. 32). The brothers are seated in birth order, and they fail to notice this, or that Benjamin gets five times as much as they do.
Chapter 44
Joseph loads his brothers up up with food, and the money yet again. He also tells his steward to put a silver cup into Benjamin's bag, because he isn't done fucking with them. He tells the steward to go after them and accuse them of stealing his divining cup. Jerry says the divining cup is a ridiculous notion of jiggery-pokery only practiced by the heathen Egyptians, because god just told the Israelites what was on his mind, and Joseph is only playing a role here. Heaven forbid a good Hebrew character be shown to believe in any pagan nonsense!
Anyway, the man does as he's told, and they're indignant, saying they have all this money, why would they want a stupid cup? They invite him to search their bags and if he finds it, he can kill that brother and enslave the rest. The steward says he only wants to enslave anyone found with the cup. They agree, and open their bags, and of course Benjamin has it. The brothers lament the loss of Benjamin, but reluctantly go back to Joseph
They fall to their knees in front of Joseph, who says of course he can divine. Judah asks him what he wants to hear, because they are righteous, it's obviously Joseph's servants' tomfoolery in action here. Joseph says they can leave Benjamin as his servant and go home. Judah asks to talk to him privately, and flatters him that he's as powerful as Pharaoh. He reminds him that he asked them about their exact family situation and that they didn't want to bring Benjamin but he insisted. Then their father was reluctant to send him, but they explained and the famine was bad, so he gave in. They appeal to his sympathy, saying Benjamin was their father's only remaining child from that mother, as Joseph is presumed dead, and this is going to kill their father, and he's also going to kill Judah, because he promised.
Chapter 45
Joseph sends everyone except his brothers away, then reveals his identity to them. He cries so loudly, the servants waiting in the hall can hear him. His brothers are wary. He tells them they don't have to worry, because god sent him ahead to save their lives and lineages. He explains how he's the Pharaoh's right-hand man. He tells them to go get their father, and he'll let them live in Goshen, and he'll feed them, because there are five years left on the famine.
He ends his soliloquy by hugging Benjamin and kissing the others. The word spreads around Egypt. Pharaoh gives Joseph his blessing to bring his father, which would seem like something you'd ask for beforehand, and promises them the best land and herds.
Joseph gives them provisions and clothing, and Benjamin gets 300 pieces of silver and 5 changes of clothes, because no on in Genesis ever learns not to play favourites. He sends gifts to his father and they leave with is blessing.
They go back to Israel and tell him their brother is still alive and he's the governor of Egypt. Israel faints. They tell him the story, and when he sees the gifts, he believes them and he agrees to go.
Israel/Jacob hears there is corn in Europe and he tells his sons to stop twiddling their thumbs and get down their and buy some. He keeps the youngest, Benjamin with him, but the other 10 go.
Joseph is still governor and his brothers kneel before him, because apparently money isn't enough anymore for our lovable egomaniac, he also needs worship. He recognizes them and is rude to them, but they don't recognize him, just like Shakespeare! Joseph also remembers his dreams, where the grain and the stars paid homage to him. He's not ready to forgive quite yet, though so he accuses them of spying. They go back and forth a bit, but Joseph has the last word and tells them they can't leave unless they agree to go get Benjamin. To ensure they come back, they'll have to leave one there. He keeps them all in prison for three days, where they admit their guilt over what they did to Joseph. Reuben, of course has to get an 'I told you so!' in. Joseph is listening to all of this. He cries, but still keeps Simeon back.
He fills their sacks with corn and secretly refunds the money they paid. They find it at the inn they stop at for the night. They take it as a bad omen from god.
They get home and tell their father what happened. Israel is reluctant to part with Benjamin, but Reuben says he can kill his sons if they don't bring him back. That sounds very satisfying: kill two grandsons, who are quite possibly your concubine's children, in exchange for your own son. Is this what the Moral Majority, brainchild of Jerry, thinks of when it lobbies for 'a traditional vision of family life'? Unfortunately it fails to convince Israel.
Chapter 43
The famine gets worse, and Israel asks his sons to go back to Egypt and get more grain. They remind him that they can't unless they bring Benjamin. He whines that they shouldn't have said anything about their remaining brother, but they insist that the disguised Joseph asked them if their father was alive and if they had any other brothers, and they were honest and didn't know what his demand would be.
Judah steps forward and says that Israel can also have his kids as insurance and points out that in the time they've spent arguing, they could have gone and come back. Israel finally yields and tells them to take along some presents, as well to double the money they're taking, because maybe the last time was just an oversight.
Joseph sees them and instructs his men to prepare a feast. They're afraid to go into Joseph's house, thinking he's going to enslave them. So they explain to his steward about the money, that it was still in the sacks when they got to the inn, which strikes me as dumb, because there's no way that's going to sound plausible.
The steward is more gullible than me, though, because he tells them not to worry, god restored their coffers, he still has the original coins. He brings Simeon out, and they go inside, wash their feet, take care of the donkeys, and get their presents out for Joseph.
They kneel before their brother again, who accepts the gifts and asks after their father. He sees his brother Benjamin, but is overwhelmed with emotion and has to run into his bedroom to cry. He composes himself and comes back. There's a little description of the eating arrangements: the brethren are in one room, Joseph in another, and the Egyptians in a third, because to eat bread with the Hebrews... that is an abomination unto the Egyptians (v. 32). The brothers are seated in birth order, and they fail to notice this, or that Benjamin gets five times as much as they do.
Chapter 44
Joseph loads his brothers up up with food, and the money yet again. He also tells his steward to put a silver cup into Benjamin's bag, because he isn't done fucking with them. He tells the steward to go after them and accuse them of stealing his divining cup. Jerry says the divining cup is a ridiculous notion of jiggery-pokery only practiced by the heathen Egyptians, because god just told the Israelites what was on his mind, and Joseph is only playing a role here. Heaven forbid a good Hebrew character be shown to believe in any pagan nonsense!
Anyway, the man does as he's told, and they're indignant, saying they have all this money, why would they want a stupid cup? They invite him to search their bags and if he finds it, he can kill that brother and enslave the rest. The steward says he only wants to enslave anyone found with the cup. They agree, and open their bags, and of course Benjamin has it. The brothers lament the loss of Benjamin, but reluctantly go back to Joseph
They fall to their knees in front of Joseph, who says of course he can divine. Judah asks him what he wants to hear, because they are righteous, it's obviously Joseph's servants' tomfoolery in action here. Joseph says they can leave Benjamin as his servant and go home. Judah asks to talk to him privately, and flatters him that he's as powerful as Pharaoh. He reminds him that he asked them about their exact family situation and that they didn't want to bring Benjamin but he insisted. Then their father was reluctant to send him, but they explained and the famine was bad, so he gave in. They appeal to his sympathy, saying Benjamin was their father's only remaining child from that mother, as Joseph is presumed dead, and this is going to kill their father, and he's also going to kill Judah, because he promised.
Chapter 45
Joseph sends everyone except his brothers away, then reveals his identity to them. He cries so loudly, the servants waiting in the hall can hear him. His brothers are wary. He tells them they don't have to worry, because god sent him ahead to save their lives and lineages. He explains how he's the Pharaoh's right-hand man. He tells them to go get their father, and he'll let them live in Goshen, and he'll feed them, because there are five years left on the famine.
He ends his soliloquy by hugging Benjamin and kissing the others. The word spreads around Egypt. Pharaoh gives Joseph his blessing to bring his father, which would seem like something you'd ask for beforehand, and promises them the best land and herds.
Joseph gives them provisions and clothing, and Benjamin gets 300 pieces of silver and 5 changes of clothes, because no on in Genesis ever learns not to play favourites. He sends gifts to his father and they leave with is blessing.
They go back to Israel and tell him their brother is still alive and he's the governor of Egypt. Israel faints. They tell him the story, and when he sees the gifts, he believes them and he agrees to go.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Genesis Chapters 40 & 41
Chapter 40
Joseph is still in prison when the Pharaoh's butler (who is apparently more like a wine steward) and baker are thrown in with him. The captain of the guard puts Joseph in charge of both of them.
One night, each of them has a dream which causes him to be sad. Joseph sees them in the morning and asks why their faces are so long. They explain about the dreams, and how they have no idea what they mean. Joseph has learned something in Egypt: people never want to hear about your dreams, but they are more than happy to tell you about their own, especially if they think you can interpret them. He asks about them.
The wine steward says he dreamed he was back at Pharaoh's house in the vineyard, standing in front of three banches heavy with grapes. He pressed the grapes right there and gave the juice to Pharaoh. Joseph says within three days, Pharoah will lift up thine head, and return thee unto thy place (v.13). He asks the steward to remember him when he's restored and get him out of prison.
The baker loves Joseph's interpretation, so he tells him about his dream: he was carrying three baskets on his head. There were some baked goods in the topmost one, but the birds ate them. Joseph's interpretation is less cheery: within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh from off thee (v.19).
It just so happens that three days hence is Pharaoh's birthday. He does indeed put the steward back in charge of the wine, and hang the baker. In a perfect example of gratitude being the shortest-lived emotion, the steward doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.
Chapter 41
It's two years later and Pharaoh dreams he's by the river when suddenly seven fat cows emerge and start grazing in a meadow. Then seven lean cows emerge and mingle with the first ones. The lean cows eat the fat cows, at which point Pharaoh awakes, no doubt in a cold sweat, worried about cannibalistic bovines and the risk of Creutzfeldt-Jakob now.
He then has a second dream: one stalk of corn produces 7 plump ears then seven thin ears. The thin ears devour the plump ears. He wakes up again, no doubt wondering what the hell is going on with his crops.
In the morning, he calls all the magicians and wise men of Egypt to him, and tells them about his dreams, but no one has any idea what they could mean, and Freud won't be born for another 5000 years or so. The wine steward finally remembers Joseph. Pharaoh sends for him and tells him what happened.
Joseph says that the seven fat cows and seven ears of corn represent seven years of plenty. The lean cows and thin corn represent seven years of famine. Now, I'm thinking the magicians and wise men all knew this too, but didn't want to take the risk of incurring Pharaoh's wrath. Fortunately, Pharaoh doesn't send him straight back to prison, but takes his advice: hire a man to save one-fifth of the harvest for the next seven years and store it for the famine. Pharaoh not only hires him, he makes him his second in command. He gives him a ring and nice clothes and other jewellery. He even gives him his own chariot. He gives him an Egyptian name, Zaphnath-paaneah, and a wife, Asenath.
Joseph goes out for the next seven years and does his job of storing food in the cities. He also finds time to father two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Then the good times come to an end.
The seven years of famine begin, and only Egypt has bread. The people come to Pharaoh for aid and he sends them on to Joseph. The famine is world-wide and Joseph sells the stuff he saved to all comers. No doubt at a steep premium. No mention is made of what happens to those who can't afford it, the only word used is sell.
So what exactly is the purpose of this famine? And has anyone else noticed that god was pretty crafty in his wording of his post-flood promise? He hasn't killed every living thing by drowning, it's true, but he has since rained down fire and brimstone and caused the crops to fail. But hey, we got rainbows!
Joseph is still in prison when the Pharaoh's butler (who is apparently more like a wine steward) and baker are thrown in with him. The captain of the guard puts Joseph in charge of both of them.
One night, each of them has a dream which causes him to be sad. Joseph sees them in the morning and asks why their faces are so long. They explain about the dreams, and how they have no idea what they mean. Joseph has learned something in Egypt: people never want to hear about your dreams, but they are more than happy to tell you about their own, especially if they think you can interpret them. He asks about them.
The wine steward says he dreamed he was back at Pharaoh's house in the vineyard, standing in front of three banches heavy with grapes. He pressed the grapes right there and gave the juice to Pharaoh. Joseph says within three days, Pharoah will lift up thine head, and return thee unto thy place (v.13). He asks the steward to remember him when he's restored and get him out of prison.
The baker loves Joseph's interpretation, so he tells him about his dream: he was carrying three baskets on his head. There were some baked goods in the topmost one, but the birds ate them. Joseph's interpretation is less cheery: within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh from off thee (v.19).
It just so happens that three days hence is Pharaoh's birthday. He does indeed put the steward back in charge of the wine, and hang the baker. In a perfect example of gratitude being the shortest-lived emotion, the steward doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.
Chapter 41
It's two years later and Pharaoh dreams he's by the river when suddenly seven fat cows emerge and start grazing in a meadow. Then seven lean cows emerge and mingle with the first ones. The lean cows eat the fat cows, at which point Pharaoh awakes, no doubt in a cold sweat, worried about cannibalistic bovines and the risk of Creutzfeldt-Jakob now.
He then has a second dream: one stalk of corn produces 7 plump ears then seven thin ears. The thin ears devour the plump ears. He wakes up again, no doubt wondering what the hell is going on with his crops.
In the morning, he calls all the magicians and wise men of Egypt to him, and tells them about his dreams, but no one has any idea what they could mean, and Freud won't be born for another 5000 years or so. The wine steward finally remembers Joseph. Pharaoh sends for him and tells him what happened.
Joseph says that the seven fat cows and seven ears of corn represent seven years of plenty. The lean cows and thin corn represent seven years of famine. Now, I'm thinking the magicians and wise men all knew this too, but didn't want to take the risk of incurring Pharaoh's wrath. Fortunately, Pharaoh doesn't send him straight back to prison, but takes his advice: hire a man to save one-fifth of the harvest for the next seven years and store it for the famine. Pharaoh not only hires him, he makes him his second in command. He gives him a ring and nice clothes and other jewellery. He even gives him his own chariot. He gives him an Egyptian name, Zaphnath-paaneah, and a wife, Asenath.
Joseph goes out for the next seven years and does his job of storing food in the cities. He also finds time to father two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim. Then the good times come to an end.
The seven years of famine begin, and only Egypt has bread. The people come to Pharaoh for aid and he sends them on to Joseph. The famine is world-wide and Joseph sells the stuff he saved to all comers. No doubt at a steep premium. No mention is made of what happens to those who can't afford it, the only word used is sell.
So what exactly is the purpose of this famine? And has anyone else noticed that god was pretty crafty in his wording of his post-flood promise? He hasn't killed every living thing by drowning, it's true, but he has since rained down fire and brimstone and caused the crops to fail. But hey, we got rainbows!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Genesis Chapter 39
We're back on Joseph, who has been sold to Potiphar, who according to my bible, is the captain of the Pharaoh's guard, but according to other translations, he's also a eunuch, which makes what happens in this chapter more understandable.
Joseph flourishes as Potiphar's slave, supposedly because the lord is with him, but I suspect at least part of it is that he's stopped tattling and telling everyone about his self-serving dreams. Anyway, pretty soon Joseph is the chief overseer, and Potiphar trusts him so much that he knew not aught he had, save the bread which he did eat (v. 6) which explains how a slave can become a prosperous man (v. 2): he's robbing him blind. Verse six also tells us Joseph is a studmuffin.
Unsurprisingly, Potiphar's wife notices him and orders him to sleep with her. Not that I blame her, what with her husband being a eunuch, but if she gets pregnant, isn't he going to figure it out pretty quickly? Joseph refuses, saying Potiphar trusts him, and it's a sin. She keeps at it, trying to wear him down, and of course it doesn't work. Who wants to be badgered into sex? Finally, one day when all the other men are out, she tries to tackle him to the ground which he so isn't into, and he runs away, but leaves his coat in her hands. Like many a woman scorned, she takes the coat to the other men and tells them Joseph tried to rape her. She tells Potiphar the same story, and he gets angry. He puts Joseph in prison. God intervenes again and makes the warden like him. Soon Joseph is the head of the prisoners and it prospers.
Now, this is pure speculation, but is anyone else's gaydar pinging here? Joseph wears a girls coat. Then he is the first man to refuse sex, after we've seen other men engage in incest, adultery, prostitution, sex with slaves and polygamy. Then he's the only man in the house. Now he's in prison, happy as a clam. Anyone else get a vibe?
Joseph flourishes as Potiphar's slave, supposedly because the lord is with him, but I suspect at least part of it is that he's stopped tattling and telling everyone about his self-serving dreams. Anyway, pretty soon Joseph is the chief overseer, and Potiphar trusts him so much that he knew not aught he had, save the bread which he did eat (v. 6) which explains how a slave can become a prosperous man (v. 2): he's robbing him blind. Verse six also tells us Joseph is a studmuffin.
Unsurprisingly, Potiphar's wife notices him and orders him to sleep with her. Not that I blame her, what with her husband being a eunuch, but if she gets pregnant, isn't he going to figure it out pretty quickly? Joseph refuses, saying Potiphar trusts him, and it's a sin. She keeps at it, trying to wear him down, and of course it doesn't work. Who wants to be badgered into sex? Finally, one day when all the other men are out, she tries to tackle him to the ground which he so isn't into, and he runs away, but leaves his coat in her hands. Like many a woman scorned, she takes the coat to the other men and tells them Joseph tried to rape her. She tells Potiphar the same story, and he gets angry. He puts Joseph in prison. God intervenes again and makes the warden like him. Soon Joseph is the head of the prisoners and it prospers.
Now, this is pure speculation, but is anyone else's gaydar pinging here? Joseph wears a girls coat. Then he is the first man to refuse sex, after we've seen other men engage in incest, adultery, prostitution, sex with slaves and polygamy. Then he's the only man in the house. Now he's in prison, happy as a clam. Anyone else get a vibe?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Genesis Chapter 37
Ah, here we are at the story of Joseph, which many of you will be familiar with because your high school put on at least one performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat while you were there.
Joseph is 17 when this particular incident happens, and he sounds like a pain in the ass Joseph brought unto his father their evil report (v.2). In other words, he tells on them. We all love tattletales, right? For this, and the fact he's Rachel's son, Israel loves him best and he made him a coat of many colours (v.3) which even Jerry admits is 'a garment worn by the daughters of kings' or 'a ceremonial robe draped about statues of goddesses.' In other words, either his father is dressing his 17 year old son in girl's clothes, or Josesph is a big old biblical queen.
Now this favouritism shown by Israel does not go unremarked by Joseph's 11 brothers. They're not even civil to him. But it doesn't stop Joseph from wanting to tell them about his dream. I think we can all agree that the only thing more irritating than a snitch is someone who wants to tell you about his dreams. And what was said dream: well, they were all binding the wheat when suddenly, the sheaves become animated, and the brothers' sheaves all gathered around Joseph's sheaf and made obeisance to it. I amend what I said before: a snitch is annoying. A snitch who wants to tell you about his dreams is really annoying. A snitch who wants to tell you about his self-serving dreams deserves what he gets, even if he is only 17.
Anyway, this dream does not endear Joseph to his brothers and makes them hate him even more. But Joseph still isn't done. He then tells him another dream, where the sun, moon and 11 stars all pay obeisance to him. He describes it to his father, who has finally had enough and rebukes him.
One day, the brothers go out to tend the flock and surprisingly, do not invite Joseph, but Israel sends him anyway. While he's on his way, he meets a man who tells him his brothers went somewhere else. So he heads over. His brothers see him and while he's still out of earshot they conspire to kill him and throw him into a pit and tell their father an animal got him. Okay, he might not deserve that, but a circle booting wouldn't hurt. Fortunately, Reuben, who was last seen having sex with his stepmother, convinces them not to kill him. Instead, they take off his drag and throw him into a pit. They sit down at the top for lunch and see a caravan of Ismaelites passing by on their way to Egypt. Judah, the fourth son, suggests selling him to them. So they sell him for 20 pieces of silver.
Reuben must have left at some point, because he comes back and finds the pit empty and tears at his clothes in remorse. They kill a goat and dip the coat in its blood, then present it to their father who blames a wild animal. Israel dresses in sackcloth and goes into mourning. Joseph, meanwhile, is sold to an official in the Pharoah's house in Egypt.
Joseph is 17 when this particular incident happens, and he sounds like a pain in the ass Joseph brought unto his father their evil report (v.2). In other words, he tells on them. We all love tattletales, right? For this, and the fact he's Rachel's son, Israel loves him best and he made him a coat of many colours (v.3) which even Jerry admits is 'a garment worn by the daughters of kings' or 'a ceremonial robe draped about statues of goddesses.' In other words, either his father is dressing his 17 year old son in girl's clothes, or Josesph is a big old biblical queen.
Now this favouritism shown by Israel does not go unremarked by Joseph's 11 brothers. They're not even civil to him. But it doesn't stop Joseph from wanting to tell them about his dream. I think we can all agree that the only thing more irritating than a snitch is someone who wants to tell you about his dreams. And what was said dream: well, they were all binding the wheat when suddenly, the sheaves become animated, and the brothers' sheaves all gathered around Joseph's sheaf and made obeisance to it. I amend what I said before: a snitch is annoying. A snitch who wants to tell you about his dreams is really annoying. A snitch who wants to tell you about his self-serving dreams deserves what he gets, even if he is only 17.
Anyway, this dream does not endear Joseph to his brothers and makes them hate him even more. But Joseph still isn't done. He then tells him another dream, where the sun, moon and 11 stars all pay obeisance to him. He describes it to his father, who has finally had enough and rebukes him.
One day, the brothers go out to tend the flock and surprisingly, do not invite Joseph, but Israel sends him anyway. While he's on his way, he meets a man who tells him his brothers went somewhere else. So he heads over. His brothers see him and while he's still out of earshot they conspire to kill him and throw him into a pit and tell their father an animal got him. Okay, he might not deserve that, but a circle booting wouldn't hurt. Fortunately, Reuben, who was last seen having sex with his stepmother, convinces them not to kill him. Instead, they take off his drag and throw him into a pit. They sit down at the top for lunch and see a caravan of Ismaelites passing by on their way to Egypt. Judah, the fourth son, suggests selling him to them. So they sell him for 20 pieces of silver.
Reuben must have left at some point, because he comes back and finds the pit empty and tears at his clothes in remorse. They kill a goat and dip the coat in its blood, then present it to their father who blames a wild animal. Israel dresses in sackcloth and goes into mourning. Joseph, meanwhile, is sold to an official in the Pharoah's house in Egypt.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)