Wicked people are like cats, fleeing even when no one's chasing them. Righteous people, on the other hand, stand firm in the face of danger. But which one is more likely to live to see another day?
Countries should have good leaders, otherwise they'll be unstable. Kind of like when Solomon succeeded the throne after his eldest brother raped one of his sisters, then his fourth brother killed the oldest one, and then his mother banded together with Nathan the prophet to have him declared king, and then his son was so inept the country got split in half. Just your average royal family, really. Also, bad rulers are like roaring lions or raging bears.
Religious people understand everything. So very many things wrong with that statement. No usury. Be afraid of god. Stupid people turn into oppressors. God, it's like religious politicians don't even read this book.
Don't be partial. People who try to get rich quick have evil eyes. Criticism apparently wins more respect than flattery. Not for me. I am completely open to flattery and would prefer never to be criticised. Trusting god makes you fat, as anyone who has ever gone to a megachurch can attest. Trusting your own judgement is foolish. So is trusting Jerry Falwell.
Showing posts with label Absalom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Absalom. Show all posts
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, June 20, 2010
2 Samuel Chapters 18 & 19
Chapter 18
David's army is back in the thousands rather than the 600 he's been running around with for most of his story. His people beg him not to go and fight Absalom so he sends his generals instead, with orders not to kill Absalom.
The battle takes place in a forest, and 20 000 men die, approximately the same number of military deaths as on D-Day. The forest must share some properties with the island in The Life of Pi, because the wood devoured more people that day than the sword devoured (v. 8). Even Absalom is a victim. He's riding along on his mule when suddenly his head gets caught in a tree branch and he ends up hanging there, comically, by the neck.
Someone sees this, and when he picks himself up from laughing on the ground, he goes and tells Joab about it. Joab rebukes him for not smiting Absalom against David's orders, then goes and thrusts three either daggers, darts or javelins through Absalom's heart, depending which translation you're reading. Ten of his men witness this barbary and get in on the act, killing him again some more. Then they throw him very unceremoniously into a pit and cover his body with stones. This is somehow humiliating.
In a non-sequitur, we are told that Absalom had erected a pillar in honour of himself, because he had no son. Never mind that period of intensive reproduction when he was locked in his house and fathered no less than 4 kids in 2 years.
Then there's a weird dispute over who's going to tell David that his son is dead. Eventually they both leave. David sees them approaching from different directions. The first one doesn't have any news about Absalom, so David asks the second, who tells him his son is dead. This leads to David's famous lament: O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son! (v. 33)
Chapter 19
David is grieving dramatically, as is his style. Joab is disgusted and points out that the king loves his enemies more than his friends, because he doubts he'd be carrying on like this if his entire army had died and Absalom had lived. He tells him to get outside and give comfort to his people or they'll all abandon him. David goes, but this produces further confusion.
David calls for the priests and asks them to bring everyone together. They invite him back to Israel. Shimei, the stone-thrower from a couple of chapters ago, apologises to the king. Mephibosheth, Saul's son is next. David magnanimously gives him some land. An 80 year old man, Barzillai, escorts David and is invited to dinner. But Barzillai is a crotchety old man and only wants to go home. Why show up, then?
As David arrives, a dispute immediately arises between the tribe of Judah and the others over who owns more of the king.
David's army is back in the thousands rather than the 600 he's been running around with for most of his story. His people beg him not to go and fight Absalom so he sends his generals instead, with orders not to kill Absalom.
The battle takes place in a forest, and 20 000 men die, approximately the same number of military deaths as on D-Day. The forest must share some properties with the island in The Life of Pi, because the wood devoured more people that day than the sword devoured (v. 8). Even Absalom is a victim. He's riding along on his mule when suddenly his head gets caught in a tree branch and he ends up hanging there, comically, by the neck.
Someone sees this, and when he picks himself up from laughing on the ground, he goes and tells Joab about it. Joab rebukes him for not smiting Absalom against David's orders, then goes and thrusts three either daggers, darts or javelins through Absalom's heart, depending which translation you're reading. Ten of his men witness this barbary and get in on the act, killing him again some more. Then they throw him very unceremoniously into a pit and cover his body with stones. This is somehow humiliating.
In a non-sequitur, we are told that Absalom had erected a pillar in honour of himself, because he had no son. Never mind that period of intensive reproduction when he was locked in his house and fathered no less than 4 kids in 2 years.
Then there's a weird dispute over who's going to tell David that his son is dead. Eventually they both leave. David sees them approaching from different directions. The first one doesn't have any news about Absalom, so David asks the second, who tells him his son is dead. This leads to David's famous lament: O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son! (v. 33)
Chapter 19
David is grieving dramatically, as is his style. Joab is disgusted and points out that the king loves his enemies more than his friends, because he doubts he'd be carrying on like this if his entire army had died and Absalom had lived. He tells him to get outside and give comfort to his people or they'll all abandon him. David goes, but this produces further confusion.
David calls for the priests and asks them to bring everyone together. They invite him back to Israel. Shimei, the stone-thrower from a couple of chapters ago, apologises to the king. Mephibosheth, Saul's son is next. David magnanimously gives him some land. An 80 year old man, Barzillai, escorts David and is invited to dinner. But Barzillai is a crotchety old man and only wants to go home. Why show up, then?
As David arrives, a dispute immediately arises between the tribe of Judah and the others over who owns more of the king.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
2 Samuel, Chapters 16 & 17
Chapter 16
David is riding and is intercepted by Ziba, a servant of Mephibosheth, Saul's grandson. Ziba has provisions and asses for David. David asks where his master is, and Ziba informs him he went to Jerusalem in hopes of getting his kingdom back. David tells him he shouldn't steal from his master and rides on.
The next person he encounters is Shimei, another member of Saul's clans. He curses at David and throws stones at him. One of David's men wants to go and punish him, but David is still wallowing in his own misery and refuses. Shimei follows, cursing and hurling stones, as David rides away.
Meanwhile, Absalom is in Jerusalem. One of David's old followers comes to him and offers praise. He asks why he didn't leave with David, and the friend says god has chosen Absalom.
Absalom asks one of his advisors, Ahithophel what to do next. Ahithophel tells him to have sex with his father's concubines, as predicted in chapter 11.
Chapter 17
Ahithophel asks Absalom for 12 000 men to pursue David with. That's overkill, isn't it? I mean, David only has 600 men with him and ran away from a guy throwing rocks. Anyway, Ahithophel promises to only kill David and to return his people to the fold. Absalom likes that plan, but wants a second opinion, so he calls on another advisor, Hushai. Hushai thinks he should wait, because David is still pissed off and dangerous. So dangerous he runs from rock-throwers. This is some bad advice, my friends.
Hushai also advises that he should go himself when the time comes and kill everyone with David. Furthermore, if David takes refuge in a city, they should destroy it utterly. Everyone agrees with Hushai, which is all part of god's plan to wreak evil on Absalom.
Hushai tells the priests to send messengers to David and tell him to get himself to a city. A boy sees them and sends word back to Absalom. Poor David has to hid in a well, a la Saddam Hussein in his spider hole. Absalom's servants, oddly less of a crack team than the US Army, fail to find him and move on. David escapes into Jordan, where he is well-received.
Ahithophel, finding his advice isn't followed, goes home and dies, which seems somewhat dramatic.
Absalom follows his father over the Jordan river into Gilead.
David is riding and is intercepted by Ziba, a servant of Mephibosheth, Saul's grandson. Ziba has provisions and asses for David. David asks where his master is, and Ziba informs him he went to Jerusalem in hopes of getting his kingdom back. David tells him he shouldn't steal from his master and rides on.
The next person he encounters is Shimei, another member of Saul's clans. He curses at David and throws stones at him. One of David's men wants to go and punish him, but David is still wallowing in his own misery and refuses. Shimei follows, cursing and hurling stones, as David rides away.
Meanwhile, Absalom is in Jerusalem. One of David's old followers comes to him and offers praise. He asks why he didn't leave with David, and the friend says god has chosen Absalom.
Absalom asks one of his advisors, Ahithophel what to do next. Ahithophel tells him to have sex with his father's concubines, as predicted in chapter 11.
Chapter 17
Ahithophel asks Absalom for 12 000 men to pursue David with. That's overkill, isn't it? I mean, David only has 600 men with him and ran away from a guy throwing rocks. Anyway, Ahithophel promises to only kill David and to return his people to the fold. Absalom likes that plan, but wants a second opinion, so he calls on another advisor, Hushai. Hushai thinks he should wait, because David is still pissed off and dangerous. So dangerous he runs from rock-throwers. This is some bad advice, my friends.
Hushai also advises that he should go himself when the time comes and kill everyone with David. Furthermore, if David takes refuge in a city, they should destroy it utterly. Everyone agrees with Hushai, which is all part of god's plan to wreak evil on Absalom.
Hushai tells the priests to send messengers to David and tell him to get himself to a city. A boy sees them and sends word back to Absalom. Poor David has to hid in a well, a la Saddam Hussein in his spider hole. Absalom's servants, oddly less of a crack team than the US Army, fail to find him and move on. David escapes into Jordan, where he is well-received.
Ahithophel, finding his advice isn't followed, goes home and dies, which seems somewhat dramatic.
Absalom follows his father over the Jordan river into Gilead.
Monday, June 14, 2010
2 Samuel, Chapter 15
Absalom starts his campaign to undermine his father by parking his chariots outside the city gates and intercepting anyone coming to David to solve disputes and telling them he's the only magistrate available. He gradually gets the entire nation behind him with his sound judgements.
After 40 years of this, Absalom tells his father he vowed to return to Hebron at some point, and he thinks now's the time. While he's in transit, he sends his men around to say that when the trumpets sound, Absalom is king.
Finally, one of David's men hears about it and warns him. He flees, leaving his 10 concubines behind, but taking his 600 most loyal followers. We get a couple of scenes of David having heartbreaking conversations with his followers, sending them back and telling the bearers of the Ark of the Covenant to go back to the city lest god think him disloyal.
At one point he goes up a mountain to pray, and one of his followers begs him to go back to the city and ask to be Absalom's servant.
After 40 years of this, Absalom tells his father he vowed to return to Hebron at some point, and he thinks now's the time. While he's in transit, he sends his men around to say that when the trumpets sound, Absalom is king.
Finally, one of David's men hears about it and warns him. He flees, leaving his 10 concubines behind, but taking his 600 most loyal followers. We get a couple of scenes of David having heartbreaking conversations with his followers, sending them back and telling the bearers of the Ark of the Covenant to go back to the city lest god think him disloyal.
At one point he goes up a mountain to pray, and one of his followers begs him to go back to the city and ask to be Absalom's servant.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
2 Samuel, Chapter 14
Joab notices that David is missing Absalom. He bribes an old woman to dress herself in mourning and pretend to be grieving, and tells her to repeat another parable. I think David really likes it when people sit down and tell him bedtime stories.
So she goes to him and throws herself at his feet. He asks what's wrong and she tells him her two sons fought and one killed the other, and now her neighbours are harrassing her to turn over the surviving son for punishment, only she doesn't want to because then she won't have any children left. David sends her home and tells her not to worry about what her neighbours are saying, because he absolves her son. Before she leaves, she asks if she can just say one more thing. He agrees, and she asks why he'll forgive her son, but not his own. D'oh!
David thinks about it for a second and finally asks her if Joab put her up to it. She confesses that he did. David calls for Joab and asks him to bring Absalom home, but still won't look at him face to face.
We then get a couple of verses praising Absalom's physical beauty. Apparently he has very thick, luxurious hair that he only cuts once a year. We also find out that he uses his time under house arrest productively, fathering three sons and a daughter in two years. Yup, he's also a polygamist. He names the daughter Tamar, and she's also beautiful.
Eventually Absalom gets tired of waiting for his father to summon him, so he summons Joab, who ignores him. This goes on for a while, but fortunately Absalom is a sociopath, so when he gets frustrated, he sets Joab's barley field on fire to get his attention. It is effective, and Joab shows up all grumbly, but finally agrees to set up a meeting with David.
So she goes to him and throws herself at his feet. He asks what's wrong and she tells him her two sons fought and one killed the other, and now her neighbours are harrassing her to turn over the surviving son for punishment, only she doesn't want to because then she won't have any children left. David sends her home and tells her not to worry about what her neighbours are saying, because he absolves her son. Before she leaves, she asks if she can just say one more thing. He agrees, and she asks why he'll forgive her son, but not his own. D'oh!
David thinks about it for a second and finally asks her if Joab put her up to it. She confesses that he did. David calls for Joab and asks him to bring Absalom home, but still won't look at him face to face.
We then get a couple of verses praising Absalom's physical beauty. Apparently he has very thick, luxurious hair that he only cuts once a year. We also find out that he uses his time under house arrest productively, fathering three sons and a daughter in two years. Yup, he's also a polygamist. He names the daughter Tamar, and she's also beautiful.
Eventually Absalom gets tired of waiting for his father to summon him, so he summons Joab, who ignores him. This goes on for a while, but fortunately Absalom is a sociopath, so when he gets frustrated, he sets Joab's barley field on fire to get his attention. It is effective, and Joab shows up all grumbly, but finally agrees to set up a meeting with David.
Monday, June 7, 2010
2 Samuel, Chapter 13
The inspiration for Faulkner's novel Absalom, Absalom!, which I have not read yet because I am still intimidated by his writing, having failed to even get through the first chapter of The Sound and the Fury.
It's also an incest story. I complained recently about incest in modern fiction, forgetting, apparently, Abraham's 'she's my sister' ruse, Lot's daughters, Judah and Tamar, and no doubt many more tales of forbidden love in the holy book.
So, the biblical Absalom is one of David's sons. He has a full sister named Tamar, who is beautiful. Amnon, David's oldest son, is in love with Tamar, but can't think of a way to get her alone. He confides in his friend Jonadab, who tells him to play sick and ask his father to send Tamar to nurse him.
Tamar comes in obediently, and as she's making the cakes, he sends all the servants out of the room. As she goes to feed him, he grabs her wrist and tries to pull her into the bed. She protests Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. (v. 12) He doesn't listen. She tries another tack: begging him to ask David for her hand in marriage. Gross. Also forbidden in Leviticus. That doesn't work either and he rapes her.
Having established his dominance over her, Amnon is seized with a feeling of loathing and he kicks her out. She points out that this is more shameful than raping her, but he isn't listening again. He has his servant lock her outside.
She's wearing a multi-coloured garment, the same kind as Joseph used to wear in Genesis, and she rends it and pours ashes over herself while crying. Absalom somehow notices that something is wrong, and puts two and two together. He tells her not to worry and gives her sanctuary in his house.
David, meanwhile, has heard the story and is angry, but doesn't punish Amnon because he's the oldest. Absalom seethes silently and stops speaking to his brother. He bides his time for two years, until there's a harvest festival in another town. He invites all of his brothers, but David refuses. Absalom begs him to send Amnon, then. He instructs his servants to kill him once he's drunk. The others flee.
David is upset, but Jonadab explains only Amnon is dead because of what he did to Tamar. Absalom has fled into neighbouring Geshur, where he's taken refuge in the king's house. The other sons return shortly, though David misses Absalom.
It's also an incest story. I complained recently about incest in modern fiction, forgetting, apparently, Abraham's 'she's my sister' ruse, Lot's daughters, Judah and Tamar, and no doubt many more tales of forbidden love in the holy book.
So, the biblical Absalom is one of David's sons. He has a full sister named Tamar, who is beautiful. Amnon, David's oldest son, is in love with Tamar, but can't think of a way to get her alone. He confides in his friend Jonadab, who tells him to play sick and ask his father to send Tamar to nurse him.
Tamar comes in obediently, and as she's making the cakes, he sends all the servants out of the room. As she goes to feed him, he grabs her wrist and tries to pull her into the bed. She protests Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. (v. 12) He doesn't listen. She tries another tack: begging him to ask David for her hand in marriage. Gross. Also forbidden in Leviticus. That doesn't work either and he rapes her.
Having established his dominance over her, Amnon is seized with a feeling of loathing and he kicks her out. She points out that this is more shameful than raping her, but he isn't listening again. He has his servant lock her outside.
She's wearing a multi-coloured garment, the same kind as Joseph used to wear in Genesis, and she rends it and pours ashes over herself while crying. Absalom somehow notices that something is wrong, and puts two and two together. He tells her not to worry and gives her sanctuary in his house.
David, meanwhile, has heard the story and is angry, but doesn't punish Amnon because he's the oldest. Absalom seethes silently and stops speaking to his brother. He bides his time for two years, until there's a harvest festival in another town. He invites all of his brothers, but David refuses. Absalom begs him to send Amnon, then. He instructs his servants to kill him once he's drunk. The others flee.
David is upset, but Jonadab explains only Amnon is dead because of what he did to Tamar. Absalom has fled into neighbouring Geshur, where he's taken refuge in the king's house. The other sons return shortly, though David misses Absalom.
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