Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Deuteronomy, Chapters 32-24

Chapter 32

A song! However, with lyrics like They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust (v. 24), Lady Gaga has nothing to worry about.

Apparently, the wine of the Israelites' enemies is poisonous to dragons. Ah, so that's why we don't have any. No word yet on why the unicorns, which god is apparently stronger than, are no longer with us. Too many cage matches with god, maybe?

God then commands Moses to go up Mount Nebo and look on Canaan before his death.

Chapter 33

A repeat of the blessings of the 12 tribes, as given by Jacob at the end of Genesis.

Reuben gets a tepid blessing that he will survive and multiply.

Judah will lead the army into battle.

The Levites will be the priests and educators and guardians of the Thummim and Urim coin that gives yes-no answers.

Benjamin will live in safety.

Joseph will enrich the other tribes. We also find out that the horns of his cattle are like the horns of unicorns, so apparently those are still around. No word on sasquatch.

Zebulin will prosper in the seas.

The Gadites will also be successful in battle, as will Dan.

Napthali will live happily to the south and west.

Asher will have a successful olive-growing operation.

Chapter 34

Moses goes up the mountain and dies. How he managed to write about that is not explained. Then he's buried in an 'unknown' grave in Moab. The people mourn for him for 30 days, then Joshua somehow inherits his wisdom and becomes the new leader and author of the next book.

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