Monday, June 20, 2011

Isaiah, Chapters 54 & 55: God is a 13 year old boy who thinks girls are yucky

Chapter 54

God compares Jerusalem to a woman heretofore barren who suddenly gives birth to lots and lots of babies and who suddenly has to stretch her tent seams to the limits to accomodate them all. And what, pray tell, will all those millions of babies do? Try to take over the world.

Now, god is sorry for that little snit he had before, the one where he let either the Babylonians or the Egyptians enslave them, and now he's ready to make nice and make all kinds of promises, like to not flood the earth anymore or ever get angry with them again and to rebuild the city with sapphires and rubies, and to let their kids grow up in peace and to give them stable, prosperous lives. We'll see how long that lasts.

Chapter 55

Here's a bible verse that too many Americans would seem to take deadly seriously: Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness (v. 2)

God instructs the Israelites to follow David and promises mercy to anyone who returns to the fold. Then he informs us that he's so extra-super-special that we can never hope to understand him: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (v. 8-9) that's religious leader for, 'Lots of evil shit happens that no one understands, so we might as well attribuite it to god because we want your votes, so we'll twist ourselves in knots trying to justify it for the next 2000 years using these two cherry-picked verses.'

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