Thursday, January 20, 2011

Psalms 6-9

There are 150 of these damned things.

Psalm 6

David asks god not to rebuke or discipline him in anger. Good advice for a parent but shouldn't a deity have more self-control? He asks for healing and compassion because he's troubled. He asks how long until god soothes him. He reminds us that the dead have no memories, nor can they praise anyone. That would be creepy. He's tired and he's been crying all night. Then he warns his enemies to go away before he sics god on them.

Psalm 7

David asks for salvation some more. He says if he did anything wrong, god should feel free to let his enemies win, but otherwise could he save David? Kthanksbye.

He pleas with his fellow man to gather 'round god and permit him to judge. God is Gossip Girl. David asks for peace. He informs us that god is a fair judge who gets wrathful with the wicked every day and shoot flaming arrows at them.

Psalm 8

Blah, blah, blah, god is so great even children praise him. David is especially happy with the heavens, moon and stars today and in awe that he even cares what humans think. Dude, in the Old Testament, god doesn't care about anything else. He's like an insecure 15 year old girl who runs home from school every night to see what her friends wrote about her on Twitter. He thanks god for making us in his image and putting us in charge of the earth, 'cuz we're doing so well at it.

Chapter 9

Another praise hymn. Here are the great things god has done for David: killed his enemies, told off heathens, killed sinners, killed them so hard their names disappeared, destroyed his enemies' cities. God himself will rule forever and judge people fairly. He'll shelter the oppressed and not betray their trust. He advises believers to pray, proselytize, avenge murders. He asks god to torture his enemies some more so he can sing in Jerusalem. He informs us that those who don't accept god will die and urges god to hurry it along

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