Job, Chapters 36 & 37

Chapter 36

Eliphaz is still talking. I'm only able to bear it because I'm on my second glass of (non-Canaanite) wine, so god only knows how Job & co. are able to stand him. In the mode of many a 19 year-old under the influence of pot, he assures us he's very learned and honest. Then he telles us god is mighty, but also a generally agreeable sort and very smart but who nevertheless kills the wicked and rewards the poor by making them kings. Maybe it's the wine, but I laugh so hard at that last bit that I fall off my chair, which is hard because it's very cushy. He also informs us that if the righteous are ever in chains, god tells them why and corrects their behaviour. Godless people, however, refuse to ask god for help and die among the unclean (v. 14), which the New International Version informs us means male temple prostitues. But this is all god's plan: he gets your attention by punishing you. Apparently the proverb, 'You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar' hadn't quite caught on yet. Elihu assures Job that god is acting with the best of intentions and will restore him in the end and warns him not to be coerced into sinning. He reminds us again that god is powerful and therefore can't be told what to do or that he has done wrong. As my commenter pointed out yesterday, that's awfully reminiscent of Saddam Hussein or, for that matter, George W. Bush. Instead, we have to praise him because he gives us rain and lightening, which bring us food and which, since we can't understand them, must be divine. Something tells me god wouldn't have liked Wikileaks. Or science.

Chapter 37

Elihu trembles even to say all this. Don't worry, Elihu, it's the DTs. Just have another drink and you'll be fine. He insists again that god manifests himself in thunder and lightening, which, oddly, I did think were caused by angels bowling and flashing the lights on and off when they got a strike as a kid. We are also informed that god controls all the weather, including snow, rain, hurricanes, ice and polar caps which are further proof of his power. Or, you know, latitude. We are informed that all meteorology is a result of god's love or hatred of us, which only makes sense if your micro-climate is so small you have different weather to your neighbours, which I can assure you, as an apartment dweller, is well-nigh impossible. He stops for a second to ask if Job realises all this, but of course doesn't let him answer. No, instead he goes on about god making it so hot we sweat in our clothes when the wind stops and asks him if he has that power. No, but I believe it's called 'summer,' Elihu. He asks us what we should say to god, whether god should be told when someone wants to speak to him (wouldn't an omniscient being know?), and whether anyone is even capable of speaking to god. According to Elihu, the answer is no, because you can't look at the sun. But I thought god appeared as rain? Oh, well, it doesn't make any sense. Anyway, his point is we should love god because he brings weather. Or something.