Sunday, January 8, 2012

Mark, Chapter 6: How to cure faith healing

Jesus goes back to Nazareth and starts teaching in the temple. The people are amazed that this is the same carpenter with 6 brothers and sisters, which the bible commentaries either gloss over completely or dismiss as being mere relatives, because in the fantasy, Mary stayed a virgin her entire life.

Anyway, the Nazarenes don't believe in Jesus and so take away his ability to heal people. Because it was only based on faith. Just like the idea that house prices will always go up or gold is a good investment.

Jesus quickly bores of his hometown and sends the disciples off to do good works, telling them to only take a staff, a cloak and a pair of sandals. Any place that refuses to receive them will be burnt up like Sodom and Gomorrha. So they go around casting out devils and anointing people with oil.

Meanwhile, Herod finally hears about Jesus and thinks he's the reincarnated John the Baptist, who, you will recall, he executed after his sister-in-law forced her daughter to ask for his head in a basket after she danced really nicely instead of an iPhone or some Ugg boots like any other teenage girl would want. Other people think he's Elijah or another prophet.

The disciples return, and Jesus decides to take them out to the desert for a corporate retreat, where they'll picnic and share their stories from the road. Unfortunately, people see them leaving and follow them. And after sitting out in the desert all day, they start to get pretty hungry. The disciples nicely offer to go into town and get some bread, but Jesus wants to show off his loaves-and-fishes trick, so they do that instead. Then the disciples take off for yet another cruise while Jesus heads up a mountain to pray. In the evening, he walks across water to rejoin the disciples, who are attempting to row the boat in a nasty storm. Jesus calms the sea down and they continue to their destination, where people immediately start bringing sick relatives over for him to heal.

No comments:

Post a Comment