Mark, Chapter 8: Here's spit in your eye

Jesus & co. have been hanging out in the wilderness for 3 days, and the big guy finally notices that people are getting hungry. He doesn't want to send them home for food, in case they faint from hunger on the way home, but the disciples point out that they're in a food desert, so what to do? It turns out this has all been an elaborate ruse so that Jesus can repeat the ole loaves 'n' fishes trick for the fourth time. The disciple brain trust, of course, doesn't get it.

Having fed the 4000-strong crowd, Jesus gets bored and takes yet another boat trip. The Pharisees are waiting for him to challenge him to prove he's the real deal. Jesus sighs and says the sign won't happen during this generation. Then he gets back on the boat and sails away. But the disciples quickly discover that they've forgotten to bring any food, save for one loaf of bread. Rather than point out that there are worse things than missing one freaking meal, Jesus jeers at them for not recognizing him.

After what we can only assume was a grouchy night with a bunch of hypoglycemics, our heros arrive in Bethsaida where a crowd immediately gathers. A blind guy is among them and he asks Jesus to restore his sight. And how will he do it? Surgery? Eye drops? No. Jesus spits in the guy's eyes. Ew. I'd almost rather be blind. It doesn't work completely, because that's the beauty of faith healing: if it doesn't work, it's your fault, so Jesus puts his hands over the dude's eyes and his sight is fully restored.

Jesus decides to go for a walk, and as they're strolling, he asks who people are saying he is. The prophets answer that some people think John the Baptist, others one of the prophets. Dissatisfied, Jesus asks who they think he is. The disciples identify him correctly and he swears them to secrecy. Then he tells them how he's going to die.