Monday, October 24, 2011

Malachi, Chapters 1-4: Lest I come and smite the earth with a curse

Chapter 1

God confesses that he always hated Esau, and he deliberately gave his inheritance to the dragons. If the Edomites, whom, you will remember, are his descendants, ever try to rebuild, he'll just keep knocking them down. Somehow this will make Israel look better.

Then he starts criticising the sacrifices, accusing them of offering sickly animals. He announces he's not going to accept any more barbecue from them, he's going to let the gentiles cook for him instead.

Chapter 2

Here's a cute one for all you priests out there: Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces (v. 3). Seriously, watch Pastor Deacon Fred say it. Won't that be embarrassing if it turns out that Mormons really was the correct answer all along.

Next, he's angry with the tribe of Judah for intermarrying with foreign wives when they had perfectly good Israelite ones. Suddenly he's against divorcing practicing polygamy. That's reserved for kings and early prophets, damnit!

Chapter 3

God is sending a messenger to purify the priesthood. Then there will be punishments for the uncharitable and the xenophobic. Also, people who don't tithe will be cursed.

Chapter 4

Some day soon, god will burn the wicked and the good people will walk around in their ashes. He reminds us to follow the Mosaic law and promises to send Elijah back to reunite troubled families. If that fails, well, the final words of the Old Testament are Lest I come and smite the earth with a curse (v. 6).

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