Habakkuk, Chapters 1-3: God will uncover your foreskin

Chapter 1

Habakkukie wonders why god lets good people like the Israelites suffer while the wicked, like the Chaldeans, prosper. Why, indeed.

Chapter 2

Habakkukout goes up to the top of the tower, where no one can hear his convo with god, natch, and is told: the just shall live by his faith. (v. 4) He also promises to punish the Chaldeans at some later date, as well as bartenders, whom he instructs: drink thou also, and let thy foreskin be uncovered (v. 16).

Chapter 3

Habakkitkat gets down on his knees to pray, and god appears. Clearly, our prophet is on drugs again, because in his vision, god has horns on his hands. Wherever he goes, pestilence, fire, war and earthquakes follow. Sounds like an awesome god. Nonetheless, Habakkuk is filled with joy. Because he's insane.