Ezekiel, Chapters 38-40: Who are Gog and Magog?

Chapter 38

A series of threats against Gog and Magog. Possibly that's a king and a country, or maybe two countries, or maybe a country with two names. Personally I've always liked to imagine them as the dogs who flank the fireplace in Anne of the Island. Anyway, they're going to attack Israel, which will piss god off and cause earthquakes, hailstones, fire and brimstone. Why? So we'll know he's god.

Chapter 39

Gog and Magog are going to be fed to the birds, then set fire to them, then set fire to their weapons. He even tells Zeke to call the birds and prophesy to them, because they're just about the only beings around to listen anymore. Everybody else saw the bread baked over a shit fire and the hair-burning and the wall-crashing and tuned out. He's supposed to tell them they'll get drunk on blood. How delightful.

Chapter 40

God transports Zeke to a mountain top and I rub my hands gleefully, expecting another hallucinogenic episode. And it is one, but it's what would happen if you gave an engineer Adderall. Waiting for him at the top of the mountain is a man who is either made of brass or has discovered tanning beds early. He has a ruler and damn, does he intend to use it. Now there's a house in this psychotic episode, and our bronzer victim leads Zeke around measuring stuff: walls, entryways, rooms, porches, courtyards, windows, arches. And Zeke, Rain Man-like makes careful note of every dimension.