Chapter 34
Zeke compares the Israelite leaders to neglectful shepherds who gradually weaken, then lose their flock. So now god is going to take over and restore it to health and make sure it gets food and medical attention. This would all sound very good if it hadn't been preceded by 1300-odd pages of smiting and plaguing and natural disasters punctuated by the occasional munificence during god's rare manic phases.
He decides to appoint David as his new shepherd, even though David should be long dead by now, and promises eternal peace on earth.
Chapter 35
Oh, will you look at that. A new chapter starts and god's magnanimity has dissipated, to be replaced by anger at the Edomites for blaspheming. He makes his usual threats, but we can take some comfort in knowing the chapter is only 15 verses.
Chapter 36
Fancy that, our benevolent shepherd of just two chapters ago is feeling pissy, this time with the ground that Israel just happens to sit on. It has let heathens tread on it, and god isn't pleased. He vows to kick them out and let the Israelites back in. He actually admits why the Israelites are not currently there: they behaved like menstruating women (?) so he scattered them to the winds. Even abroad, though, they continued to behave like the cast of Jersey Shore, so he decided to bring them home so they'd at least stop sullying his reputation. Once they're back, he'll give them new hearts and spirits and all will be well. Uh-oh, I think I sense a manic phase coming on.
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