Proverbs, Chapters 8 & 9: Wisdom is not prepared for the media age

Chapter 8

Wisdom, still not getting it, is shouting from mountaintops, in the streets, at the city gates, and outside your door. What, no informercials? No telemarketing? Her message: well, first off she spends 9 verses telling us how awesome her message is, by which time half of her audience has wandered off in search of Cheetos. Then she tells us how awesome she is, because she has prudence, knowledge and discretion. The other half of her audience, having no idea what any of those words mean, flip over to MTV in hopes JWOWW will commit a nip slip. I sort of hate that Blogger's spell check accepts JWOWW. Her numbers rally in verses 13-21, when she starts talking about how fearing god makes you rich and powerful and lets you pass it on to your children, and, since the more fervent the Christian, the more fervent the anti-tax, pro-rich-person-even-though-you-yourself-are-missing-teeth sentiment. She loses them again in the final 17 verses, in which she gives us her biography: she's been around almost as long as god has, helping him every step of the way. Wait, is Wisdom god's unmarried girlfriend?

Proverbs

Wisdom finally gets it and builds a house (with seven pillars, natch) and sets out a feast of meat and wine. Most importantly, she sends out her hottest female servants to invite people to dinner. Now it doesn't matter what she says, she'll have millions of followers before the day is done. For those of us who aren't so easily swayed however, her message is: Wisdom cries from the mountaintops, but foolish women sit in doorways in high points of the city calling out their message. She entices the simple into her house, much like Wisdom, and tells them to eat stolen water and secret bread. What she fails to tell them, of course, is that her house is the gate to hell. Um, Wisdom? You might want to try just a little bit to distinguish your message from hers.