1 Chronicles, Chapters 3-9

More genealogies. Are they this boring in real life? Why do so many people take it up as a hobby?


Chapter 3


We're already up to David's myriad children. The only daughter mentioned is Tamar, the one raped by her brother, who then had to go into purday. Solomon, for all his supposed 900 wives, only seems to have produced 15 sons. Finally, David's great-great-grandson Pedidah, a name nearly as stupid, but, crucially, not quite produces another daughter.


Heh. Someone named his kid Ohel. Very apt. Someone else must have had a premonition about hip-hop, because he calls his son Shaphat. Awesome.


Chapter 4


Poor little Hazelelponi. A stupid name like that and she probably didn't even have a pony. Neither did poor little Zobebah, but at least his name sounds like a jazz riff. Apparently verse 10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested. has something to do with the Da Vinci books, but given I couldn't even finish the first paragraph, I have no idea what.


Chapter 5


The children of Reuben, who win a lot of wars, livestock and slaves.

Huh. Someone had a kid named Baal. Wonder who he worshipped? We also find out what happened to many of these families: scattered around, conquering territory, but not enough, of course, to be mentioned in Herodotus' Histories.


Oh god. Even then there were rednecks, and they named their kids Buz.


Manasseh's kids got the rest of the Israelites carried off to Babylon with their idol-worshipping.


Chapter 6


Verse 5: Bukki begat Uzzi. Couldn't have picked a better mafia name myself. We are reminded of how Moses and Aaron managed to get all the cities under their control. 81 verses, that chapter.


Chapter 7


Only a few people chapter are mentioned as having any daughters. Where were they getting their wives? Mostly Egypt and other surrounding nations, it would seem.


Chapter 8


Another Baal, another 40 dull-as-dishwater verses.


Chapter 9


All the people in all the villages around Jerusalem are mentioned. Then their various temple duties are spelled out. And we're done for today. Riveting, no?