Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Jeremiah, Chapters 25-27: Singin' Joy to the World

Chapter 25

First, god is going to make the king of Babylon invade Israel and bring the people home as slaves. Then, 70 years later, he's going to punish the Babylonians, most of whom won't even have been born yet, for something he (god) did. You just can't win!

But at least they'll get to drink. Part of his cunning, nonsensical plan is to gather all the world's leaders together, including the king of the amusingly-named Buz in a primitive UN and get them all drunk to the point of puking and passing out. Maybe I'm misreading 'kings' for 'fraternities' here. Then when they're good and sloshed, he'll start stabbing them with a sword. Worse, he'll start shouting at their hungover asses and sending tornadoes around. There will be so many dead bodies, or people who look dead at least, that there won't be enough people left to bury them.

Chapter 26

Jeremiah is in the temple, ranting away as usual about destruction and Babylon and dragon donkeys and so forth, and finally the city elders get tired of it and decide to hang him for being irritating. Jeremiah rebuts that they can do what they like to him, but if they kill him, they'll have innocent blood on their hands. This, plus other stories about prophets who interceded with god and got them off the hook, spooks them and they decide not to kill him in case he turns out useful in the future. Of course he won't, though, because he already reported that god told him not to plea for mercy when he finally gets tired of talking about his wrath and gets around to executing it.

Chapter 27

Another 'miracle.' Jeremiah has to make a yoke, then go around to all the neighbourhood kings and tell them that it represents Nebuchadnezzer, king of Babylon, and they're like the oxen, his slaves. Anyone who refuses to submit will be punished with famine and plague, but those who submit will be allowed to stay on their own land. No appeals from prophets, diviners or sorcerers will be heard.

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