Saturday, July 9, 2011

Jeremiah, Chapters 16-18: Never understood a single word he said

Chapter 16

Jeremiah is gay. informs us that god told him never to get married or have kids because he's just going to kill everybody. He doesn't explain why it would be better to be single and the only person alive than to have gotten married, had kids, and then died surrounded by his loving family because he's gay. God also commands him not to hang out in gay bars.

When people ask why god is so pissed, Jeremiah is to explain it's because of some of the craaazy shit their forefathers started and they've kept up. Then he details how he's going to do it, but after 16 chapters I'm feeling symptoms of PTSD, so I'm not going to detail them.

Chapter 17

Cursing. Threats of violence. God tells Jeremiah to go to the city gates on the Sabbath to remind people not to do any work that day. I wonder why oh why 'minding your own business' was not included on the list of 'things that count as work.' The punishment for working will be death by fire.

Chapter 18

God finally figures out the first rule of TV: Show. Don't tell. So he tells Jeremiah to go down to the potter's house, where he'll have further instructions. The potter makes a vessel, but messes it up, so he makes another, which Jeremiah buys. On the way home, god laments that he can't do to the Israelites what the potter did to that first vase. Then he instructs Jeremiah to go down to the men of Judah and threaten them. I'm sure they hear this every damned day, so I'm surprised they even show up in the square or the gay bar or wherever Jeremiah shows up to lecture them. Maybe he's really entertaining in person.

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