2 Timothy, Chapters 1-4: Are your ears itching?

Chapter 1

'Paul' (widely believed to be not Paul) is writing again to Timothy. Timothy is apparently a 3rd generation Christian, since his grandmother Lois was a convert, and his mother Eunice was also one. It does not mention whether they are secretaries, but with names like that, what else could they be?

He talks about the joys of loving god, but also the sorrows. Apparently no one in Asia likes him anymore, and he's in prison on Rome.

Chapter 2

'Paul' tells Timothy to be strong and stay away from non-christians and remember he knows everything because of Jesus, who is also allowing 'Paul' to endure his suffering. He reminds us that the end is near, so be good, don't talk about non-church things, like his current bugbears Hymenaeus and Philetus, who have convinced people that the resurrection already happened. But not to worry! God knows who the faithful are and Jesus will absolve you of your sins.

Then he goes on to talk about flatware. Rich people have all kinds of nice table settings that they should get rid of, and donate the money to the church. Instead they should eat off their crappy everyday plates. Also, be good and don't ask silly questions and be good to non-christians, because god might still save them in the end.

Chapter 3

In the end of days, men will turn evil and commit a long list of sins, perhaps the most interesting of which is that they will seduce silly women (v. 6) who are Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth (v. 7). But not to worry! We'll be able to identify them easily because of how foolish they'll look. 'Paul' talks some more about how he's been persecuted everywhere he goes, but that's just what christians have to put up wit and urges them to study their books because All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness (v. 16). That's also why we can't change a single word in this idiot book.

Chapter 4

Preach the word, because the time will come when people with itching ears (v. 2) will get desperate and will listen to anything anyone wants to talk to them about, which sounds like exactly the type of person you want joining your religion.

'Paul' is getting lonely in prison, because everyone except Luke has abandoned him, and begs Timothy to come see him and bring Mark. We don't find out why Luke isn't enough, like, is he one of those people who will not shut up about Girls even though you've never seen it and you think Lena Dunham's overrated? He also wants his cloak, some books and especially parchments. He also warns Timothy that he's fallen out with someone named Alexander the carpenter. Anyway, he signs off with love and kisses.