Friday, February 8, 2013

2 Thessalonians: That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane

Chapter 1

'Paul' (probably not Paul, as this is another one of those letters whose provenance is in question) and Timothy write back to the Thessalonians to encourage them to pray because they've got apocalypse on the brain, and it's going to be a doozy: think flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God... Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction (v. 8-9).

Chapter 2

Ironically, someone claiming to be 'Paul' wrote to the Thessalonians awhile ago about doomsday and got them all confused! See, we'll know it's happening because first there will be a lot of apostasy, and then Satan will come back. So basically, any day ever? But no, some mysterious force is holding the evil back until Jesus comes along to eat him, but not before Satan manages to fuck shit up. Then Jesus will kill all the unbelievers, for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie (v. 11). He also chose who the believers would be, btw, and is going to bring them to heaven.

Chapter 3

Long story short: the world isn't ending quite yet, so believers should withdraw from the world while continuing to work. He puts this admonishment in because apparently some members of the congregation took their doomsday prepping a mite too seriously and now don't have jobs or food or anything. 'Paul' doesn't have any sympathy for the stupid, saying if any would not work, neither should he eat (v. 10). If anyone doesn't like the contents of this letter, the others should shun him, because 'Paul' ain't fucking around anymore.

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