Luke, Chapter 24: The end is upon us

The scene at the tomb. Again, if you're actually interested in all the inconsistencies between Luke and Matthew, plenty of places do it much more justice than I ever could. Even funnier is the respons of some Christians, which is often to say, 'Stop writing a whole new gospel dammit! I already did.'

Anyway, in this version, the various women arrive at the tomb early in the morning after the Sabbath and find it open and empty. Two angels appear and remind them what Jesus said about resurrection. They run off to tell the apostles. Most of them don't believe them, and go about their day. Peter is the one exception: he runs over, sees the shroud, and wonders what's next. Cleopas and another one start off for Emmaus. On the way, Jesus accosts them, but they don't recognise him because god fools them. Right. This is definitely Jesus, whom they've seen nearly every day for years, and they would totally recognise him normally, it's just that god doesn't want them to see it! It makes perfect sense! Jesus asks why they look so sad. They fill him in on the recent events in Jerusalem. Jesus calls them fools.

When they arrive, Jesus makes like he's going to continue on, but they ask him to stay and eat with them. As he passes the bread basket around, they suddenly recognise him, at which point he vanishes. They run back to Jerusalem and find the other apostles. As they're recounting their day, Jesus pops up again in their midst and says hello. I guess this is where the expression 'Scare the bejesus out of someone' comes from. Jesus acts nonchalant, inviting them to touch him and kick him to prove he's flesh and bones. Then he asks for food, and all they can come up with is a bit of broiled fish and a honeycomb. Yech. Then he says this was all to fulfill a prophecy and does some magic trick to make them understand the scriptures in the correct way. I'm guessing it involves beer. They certainly don't share it with us. He tells them that now it's up to them to spread the word, but to stick around in Jerusalem until ye be endued with power from on high. (v. 49) So the very next thing he does is take them to Bethany, where he disappears again. The apostles go into the temple to preach. The end.