Tuesday, March 20, 2012

John, Chapter 2: How to liven up a Mormon wedding

Jesus goes to the wedding at Cana. Turns out the bridal couple are proto-Mormons and there is no wine, even though Jesus & Co. are thirsty. Very thirsty. So thirsty that Christ is rude to his sainted mother, who throws up her hands and tells the slaves to do whatever Jesus wants.

He tells them to fill up some nearby water pots, then pour a cup out for the Master of Ceremonies. When the MC drinks it, the water turns into wine. He accuses the bridegroom of holding the good wine back until the end, thus commencing an endless cycle of family arguments at Thanksgiving.

After the feast, the company heads briefly to Capernum, then to Jerusalem, since it's Passover time. Upon arrival, he sees the moneychangers and sacrifice-sellers and continues his little fit of pique, throwing their tables to the ground and yelling a lot. The sellers are rightly offended that he is ruining business right before the holy day and ask him to perform a miracle to prove he has authority to do this. Jesus challenges them to destroy the temple and he'll have it rebuilt in 3 days. They point out that it took 46 years to build the temple, and there's no way they're starting again from scratch. But of course Jesus is talking about his body. The disciples will remember this conversation after his crucifixion and finally believe the scriptures. As for Jesus, he remains doubtful about humans. So do I.

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