More administration. The spread of Judaism. The death of Joshua.
Chapter 20
The cities of refuge, places where accidental murderers can hide from their victims' avengers, are designated.
Chapter 21
48 cities are given to the Levites, so they can sponge off the other tribes throughout their territory. At the end, we are informed that god's covenants are all fulfilled now. Well, except those ones about kicking all the Canaanites out of Canaan, which we saw in the last few chapters had not been done.
Chapter 22
The Reubenites and Gadites are sent back across the Jordan River with a reminder to behave righteously, so of course you know the first thing they're going to do is sin mightily. It takes the form of an unauthorized altar. Jerry Falwell is shocked! Shocked! At this act, calling it an act of political disunity and apostasy, so you can see how tolerant his theocracy would be of other religions. Saudi Arabia! The desert is lovely this time of year!
Phineas, the lovely chappie who speared an Israelite and his Midianite date through the stomachs, and who should by all rights be dead now, since no one was supposed to survive those 40 years in the desert save for Joshua and Caleb, is sent to confront them about this.
The apostates swear up and down that they built the altar so their children will remember god, and they won't make any sacrifices on it. Fortunately, Phineas believes them and the crisis is averted. The altar is given a name: Ed. Ed the Altar.
Chapter 23
Joshua is old and dying and in the grand tradition of Israelite leaders, he makes a deathbed speech exhorting them to be loyal to god.
Chapter 24
Joshua continues, reminding them how god rescued them from Egypt, then gave them other peoples' stuff after killing them, and reminds them not to worship other gods. Then the supposed author of the book records his own death, along with his burial and the interment of Joseph's (from Genesis) bones. Then Eleazar, Aaron's son, another anachronism since he should have died ages ago, also dies.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Joshua, Chapters 13-19
The division of land in Canaan, according to tribe. Much better than reading this blog entry would be to mosey on over to The Brick Testament and visualize it. Trust me, you are not missing much.
Chapter 13
Joshua is getting old, which god rudely points out, then tells him to divide up the land by lot. The Reubenites and Gadites have already got their share in Jordan, and only half of Massaneh is here, the rest having also opted for Jordan. The rest of the chapter is the delineation of their territories.
Chapter 14
85 year old Caleb, the only other survivor of those 40 years in the desert, asks for, and receives, Hebron.
Chapter 15
The borders of Judah's territory are named. Caleb goes to Hebron and discovers a group of pesky Anakim, the giants that apparently did not die along with everything else in Noah's flood, though you'd never know it if you read Jerry Falwell's bible, living in the town of Debir. He offers his daughter as a reward to anyone who can conquer them. Othniel, one of his nephews, does it. As the girl is leaving, she asks for, and is granted, a field and some springs. We then get a 42-verse long list of the villages in Judah's territory that not even I am masochistic enough to read. In the last verse, we find out the Jebusites are still living in their territory, despite god's promise.
Chapter 16
The borders of Joseph's territory. We find out in the last verse that a tribe of Canaanites still lives in Gezer.
Chapter 17
The tribe of Manasseh gets its due. The daughters of Zelophehad, who wanted inheritance rights in Numbers, come back to ask for their fair share and get it. The children of Joseph complain about only getting one share, despite being a great people (v. 14), so Joshua tells them to conquer the Perizzites who are still on one of their mountains, and to cut down the trees, and promises they'll drive out the Canaanites, despite their iron chariots.
Chapter 18
The seven remaining tribes are told to go out and survey the land, which will be divided among them by lots. The draw is held in Shiloh. Then we get a description of Benjamin's territory. Joshua gets a city.
Chapter 19
The other tribes get their booty. The tribe of Dan doesn't get a big enough share, so they fight the people of Lesham for their territory and win.
Chapter 13
Joshua is getting old, which god rudely points out, then tells him to divide up the land by lot. The Reubenites and Gadites have already got their share in Jordan, and only half of Massaneh is here, the rest having also opted for Jordan. The rest of the chapter is the delineation of their territories.
Chapter 14
85 year old Caleb, the only other survivor of those 40 years in the desert, asks for, and receives, Hebron.
Chapter 15
The borders of Judah's territory are named. Caleb goes to Hebron and discovers a group of pesky Anakim, the giants that apparently did not die along with everything else in Noah's flood, though you'd never know it if you read Jerry Falwell's bible, living in the town of Debir. He offers his daughter as a reward to anyone who can conquer them. Othniel, one of his nephews, does it. As the girl is leaving, she asks for, and is granted, a field and some springs. We then get a 42-verse long list of the villages in Judah's territory that not even I am masochistic enough to read. In the last verse, we find out the Jebusites are still living in their territory, despite god's promise.
Chapter 16
The borders of Joseph's territory. We find out in the last verse that a tribe of Canaanites still lives in Gezer.
Chapter 17
The tribe of Manasseh gets its due. The daughters of Zelophehad, who wanted inheritance rights in Numbers, come back to ask for their fair share and get it. The children of Joseph complain about only getting one share, despite being a great people (v. 14), so Joshua tells them to conquer the Perizzites who are still on one of their mountains, and to cut down the trees, and promises they'll drive out the Canaanites, despite their iron chariots.
Chapter 18
The seven remaining tribes are told to go out and survey the land, which will be divided among them by lots. The draw is held in Shiloh. Then we get a description of Benjamin's territory. Joshua gets a city.
Chapter 19
The other tribes get their booty. The tribe of Dan doesn't get a big enough share, so they fight the people of Lesham for their territory and win.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Joshua, Chapters 11 & 12
Chapter 11
The Hazorites attack, and god helps Joshua to kill them and their horses, and to burn their chariots. Then he goes back to their city, kills the king and all the inhabitants, and burns it to the ground.
This is what Jerry Falwell has to say about that: Archaeological excavations at Hazor have yielded destruction layers at three levels: around 1400 BC, around 1300 BC, and around 1230 BC. Because the later two dates are probably to be associated wit the campaigns of Egyptian Pharaohs of the Nineteenth Dynasty, the 1400 BC date must reflect Joshua's campaign, a date that further supports the biblical chronology favoring an early Exodus. Oh, I see Jerry. You find evidence of a city that was destroyed three times and choose the date that is most convenient for your narrative, and ignore the evidence that other cities Joshua 'destroyed' namely Jericho and Ai, were in fact demolished a thousand years before your time frame. That's some fine sleuthing.
Anyway, Joshua then goes along and wrecks some other kingdoms, but doesn't burn them down because he's so merciful and shit. They do, of course, loot the cities, though apparently it all goes to god.
The war goes on for a long time, and no nation save the Gibeonites makes a peace treaty, mostly because god hardens their hearts, just like he did with Pharaoh. Just to spell this out: god hardens their hearts so they won't make a treaty, then punishes them for not making treaties. It's like dealing with an angry toddler. Finally, they drive the giants out and rest.
Chapter 13
A list of the 31 nations that Joshua destroyed, though only the names of the kings are listed. This is such a feel-good book. It makes me long for Chicken Soup for the Soul.
The Hazorites attack, and god helps Joshua to kill them and their horses, and to burn their chariots. Then he goes back to their city, kills the king and all the inhabitants, and burns it to the ground.
This is what Jerry Falwell has to say about that: Archaeological excavations at Hazor have yielded destruction layers at three levels: around 1400 BC, around 1300 BC, and around 1230 BC. Because the later two dates are probably to be associated wit the campaigns of Egyptian Pharaohs of the Nineteenth Dynasty, the 1400 BC date must reflect Joshua's campaign, a date that further supports the biblical chronology favoring an early Exodus. Oh, I see Jerry. You find evidence of a city that was destroyed three times and choose the date that is most convenient for your narrative, and ignore the evidence that other cities Joshua 'destroyed' namely Jericho and Ai, were in fact demolished a thousand years before your time frame. That's some fine sleuthing.
Anyway, Joshua then goes along and wrecks some other kingdoms, but doesn't burn them down because he's so merciful and shit. They do, of course, loot the cities, though apparently it all goes to god.
The war goes on for a long time, and no nation save the Gibeonites makes a peace treaty, mostly because god hardens their hearts, just like he did with Pharaoh. Just to spell this out: god hardens their hearts so they won't make a treaty, then punishes them for not making treaties. It's like dealing with an angry toddler. Finally, they drive the giants out and rest.
Chapter 13
A list of the 31 nations that Joshua destroyed, though only the names of the kings are listed. This is such a feel-good book. It makes me long for Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Joshua, Chapters 9 & 10
The story of the Gibeonites. Also, god makes the sun stand still! Oh and there's killing. Lots and lots of killing.
Chapter 9
The Amorite, Canaanite, Perizzite, Hivite and Jebusite kings all make a pact to fight the Israelites. The Gibeonites, another people living nearby, try a different tactic. They dress themselves in rags and show up with moldy bread and worn wine sacks and pretend they've come a long way to make a peace treaty with them. In return, they'll indenture themselves to the Israelites. The Israelites don't ask what god thinks, but swear a treaty in his name nonetheless. Of course, three days later they find out the Gibeonites are actually their neighbours, but they can't destroy them because of the treaty! So they make them hewers of wood and drawers of water unto all the congregation (v. 21).
Joshua calls them to him and asks why they made such a bargain? They reply that it was better to be enslaved than slaughtered. Fair 'nuff.
Chapter 10
Five kings make a pact to wage war against the Israelites and the Gibeonites. Joshua hears of the plan and marches his army all night to defeat them, then god finishes off the stragglers with a giant hailstorm. Then Joshua asks the sun and moon to hold still while he makes sure they're all dead. We are told this is the only time god listened to a human voice. So who was talking to Abraham and Moses, then? That would be mass slaughter number one.
Somehow, the five kings escape to a cave, and Joshua again hears about it. He orders them brought to him, then tells his generals to stand on their necks. Joshua slits their throats and hangs them from trees. If that isn't a barbaric act, I don't know what is. And it's also the second mass slaughter.
Next, he goes to Makkedah and leaves no survivors. Number three.
The same fate befalls Libnah. Number four.
Lachish becomes mass murder number five.
Horam, king of Gezer, tries to help, but is also killed on a grand scale to bring the numbers up to six.
Hebron and Debir become victims number seven and eight.
Mmm, genocide. I feel numb.
Chapter 9
The Amorite, Canaanite, Perizzite, Hivite and Jebusite kings all make a pact to fight the Israelites. The Gibeonites, another people living nearby, try a different tactic. They dress themselves in rags and show up with moldy bread and worn wine sacks and pretend they've come a long way to make a peace treaty with them. In return, they'll indenture themselves to the Israelites. The Israelites don't ask what god thinks, but swear a treaty in his name nonetheless. Of course, three days later they find out the Gibeonites are actually their neighbours, but they can't destroy them because of the treaty! So they make them hewers of wood and drawers of water unto all the congregation (v. 21).
Joshua calls them to him and asks why they made such a bargain? They reply that it was better to be enslaved than slaughtered. Fair 'nuff.
Chapter 10
Five kings make a pact to wage war against the Israelites and the Gibeonites. Joshua hears of the plan and marches his army all night to defeat them, then god finishes off the stragglers with a giant hailstorm. Then Joshua asks the sun and moon to hold still while he makes sure they're all dead. We are told this is the only time god listened to a human voice. So who was talking to Abraham and Moses, then? That would be mass slaughter number one.
Somehow, the five kings escape to a cave, and Joshua again hears about it. He orders them brought to him, then tells his generals to stand on their necks. Joshua slits their throats and hangs them from trees. If that isn't a barbaric act, I don't know what is. And it's also the second mass slaughter.
Next, he goes to Makkedah and leaves no survivors. Number three.
The same fate befalls Libnah. Number four.
Lachish becomes mass murder number five.
Horam, king of Gezer, tries to help, but is also killed on a grand scale to bring the numbers up to six.
Hebron and Debir become victims number seven and eight.
Mmm, genocide. I feel numb.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Joshua, Chapters 7 & 8
Chapter 7
Ruh-roh! This is the story of Achan, a member of Judah's tribe, who sins and gets the entire nation of Israel punished as a result.
The backstory: Joshua sends some spies to Ai, a village in a valley near Jericho. They come back and report that only a couple of thousand men will be needed to defeat the town, for they are but few (v. 3).
Unfortunately, the men of Ai are fiercer than expected, and manage to kill 36 Israelites before they retreat. Oh, no! A one percent mortality rate! Apparently Joshua thought he could conquer this entire territory without losing anyone. That's why he had a 600 000 person army, of course.
Anyway, he laments and tears his clothes and asks god why he sent them here to be humiliated. God informs him that one of his soldiers stole something, then lied about it and hid it among his possessions. He tells Joshua to find out who, and kill the traitor by burning, you know, rather than acting like the omniscient, omnipotent god he supposedly is and doing it himself.
So the next day, Joshua enquires through the ranks and finally comes to Achan, who readily admits to taking a goodly Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight (v. 21) and burying it under his tent. Rather than praise him for his honesty and forgive him, Joshua takes his entire family and his animals to the valley of Achor, where they are first stoned, then burned to death and buried under a heap of rocks.
So much for those verses that say not to punish a man for his father's sins. Also, why does god keep insisting on stoning animals to death? Why do biblical animals have moral agency?
Chapter 8
According to The Skeptical Review, the two cities of Jericho and Ai were abandoned around the same time, 2400-2300 BCE, or 1000 years before all of this supposedly took place. This story is an etiology (story that explains the existence of a phenomenon). Of course Jerry Falwell, who was all over the fact that there was an Egyptian Pharaoh who wasn't his father's firstborn son in 1800 BCE must be proof of the plague of firstborn sons, doesn't mention this little piece of archeological evidence.
God commands the Israelites to go again and conquer Ai. Joshua takes 30 000 men this time. He orders them to fake a retreat, following which they'll burn the city. The plan works and they kill everyone inside. The king is hung in a tree and buried near the entrance of the city, with a pile of stones marking the site.
Joshua then builds an altar at Mount Ebal, where he sacrifices some animals. Then he writes all the laws on some stone tablets
Ruh-roh! This is the story of Achan, a member of Judah's tribe, who sins and gets the entire nation of Israel punished as a result.
The backstory: Joshua sends some spies to Ai, a village in a valley near Jericho. They come back and report that only a couple of thousand men will be needed to defeat the town, for they are but few (v. 3).
Unfortunately, the men of Ai are fiercer than expected, and manage to kill 36 Israelites before they retreat. Oh, no! A one percent mortality rate! Apparently Joshua thought he could conquer this entire territory without losing anyone. That's why he had a 600 000 person army, of course.
Anyway, he laments and tears his clothes and asks god why he sent them here to be humiliated. God informs him that one of his soldiers stole something, then lied about it and hid it among his possessions. He tells Joshua to find out who, and kill the traitor by burning, you know, rather than acting like the omniscient, omnipotent god he supposedly is and doing it himself.
So the next day, Joshua enquires through the ranks and finally comes to Achan, who readily admits to taking a goodly Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight (v. 21) and burying it under his tent. Rather than praise him for his honesty and forgive him, Joshua takes his entire family and his animals to the valley of Achor, where they are first stoned, then burned to death and buried under a heap of rocks.
So much for those verses that say not to punish a man for his father's sins. Also, why does god keep insisting on stoning animals to death? Why do biblical animals have moral agency?
Chapter 8
According to The Skeptical Review, the two cities of Jericho and Ai were abandoned around the same time, 2400-2300 BCE, or 1000 years before all of this supposedly took place. This story is an etiology (story that explains the existence of a phenomenon). Of course Jerry Falwell, who was all over the fact that there was an Egyptian Pharaoh who wasn't his father's firstborn son in 1800 BCE must be proof of the plague of firstborn sons, doesn't mention this little piece of archeological evidence.
God commands the Israelites to go again and conquer Ai. Joshua takes 30 000 men this time. He orders them to fake a retreat, following which they'll burn the city. The plan works and they kill everyone inside. The king is hung in a tree and buried near the entrance of the city, with a pile of stones marking the site.
Joshua then builds an altar at Mount Ebal, where he sacrifices some animals. Then he writes all the laws on some stone tablets
Joshua, Chapters 4-6
Chapter 4
After crossing the river, Joshua takes some stones and builds a memorial cairn. Then they start preparing to invade Jericho. The army, which had numbered some 600 000 in Numbers, is now down to 40 000. Remember that the count was the same at the end of the book. So did some 560 000 people opt out of the army for the draft exemptions given before (newlyweds, first-year farmers, new houses or plain old fear)?
Chapter 5
Among the many things you can do to prepare an army for war, circumcision must rank near the bottom. Nevertheless, that's what Joshua stops now and does. The place was named 'Hill of Foreskins.' It has a lovely ring to it, doesn't it? I should definitely seek it out for a picnic if I ever travel to Israel. Then they stay awhile to heal, and are not attacked by the Amorites, and celebrate Passover. The manna ceases, as they can now eat the corn of Canaan.
Joshua looks up one day and sees a man standing over him with a sword. Of course Jerry Falwell thinks this is Jesus. Joshua asks him if he's a friend or foe, and he says he's a messenger from god. His message: take off your shoe.
Chapter 6
Jericho shuts the gates and prepares for a siege that never comes. Instead, once a day for six days, the Israelite army circles the walls. On the seventh day the priests go around it with the ark seven times. Then they blow the horn and the walls fall down. Rahab is spared, and all the gold, silver, brass and iron is kept for god. Everything else, down to the asses, is destroyed. Joshua orders them not to rebuild, even though Jericho still exists.
After crossing the river, Joshua takes some stones and builds a memorial cairn. Then they start preparing to invade Jericho. The army, which had numbered some 600 000 in Numbers, is now down to 40 000. Remember that the count was the same at the end of the book. So did some 560 000 people opt out of the army for the draft exemptions given before (newlyweds, first-year farmers, new houses or plain old fear)?
Chapter 5
Among the many things you can do to prepare an army for war, circumcision must rank near the bottom. Nevertheless, that's what Joshua stops now and does. The place was named 'Hill of Foreskins.' It has a lovely ring to it, doesn't it? I should definitely seek it out for a picnic if I ever travel to Israel. Then they stay awhile to heal, and are not attacked by the Amorites, and celebrate Passover. The manna ceases, as they can now eat the corn of Canaan.
Joshua looks up one day and sees a man standing over him with a sword. Of course Jerry Falwell thinks this is Jesus. Joshua asks him if he's a friend or foe, and he says he's a messenger from god. His message: take off your shoe.
Chapter 6
Jericho shuts the gates and prepares for a siege that never comes. Instead, once a day for six days, the Israelite army circles the walls. On the seventh day the priests go around it with the ark seven times. Then they blow the horn and the walls fall down. Rahab is spared, and all the gold, silver, brass and iron is kept for god. Everything else, down to the asses, is destroyed. Joshua orders them not to rebuild, even though Jericho still exists.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Joshua, Chapters 1-3
Chapter 1
God starts talking to Joshua, now that Moses is dead. The Israelites are to invade Canaan in 3 days' time. Meanwhile, Joshua is to spend those days reading the Torah and absorbing its laws.
Chapter 2
Joshua sends two spies into Canaan, and in the grand tradition of dudes on vacation, they go to a whorehouse. This isn't just any old whore, though, this is Rahab, an ancestor of King David and Jesus. So that makes two Canaanite prostitutes in the Messianic line. So much for all those laws in Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy about mixing with the heathens and not visiting hookers.
Clearly, Rahab's place is well known, because pretty soon the king of Jericho comes along and demands she turn them over. She lies, which again, is condemned, and says they left, but really they're on the roof. After they leave, she comes up to them and explains that she has heard about all the great deeds the Israelite god has done for them (when, exactly? They've been wandering around in the desert telling stories for 40 years, not making conquests) and asks them to ask god to spare her and her family when they take over. They agree. She lets them out onto the city wall, which she lives on, and advises them to go and hide on the mountain for three days. They tell her that if she keeps their secret, they won't harm her or her family. They give her a piece of red thread and tell her to gather her family inside the house and hang the thread out the window. They won't harm anyone inside.
Huh. The prostitutes' union in the Netherlands is called 'De Rode Draad', or in English 'The Red Thread.' Now I know where that comes from.
Chapter 3
Time to cross the Jordan! First, 12 men have to stand in the river, which will cause it to stop flowing. Then the priests have to go through with the Ark of the Covenant, then the rest of the Israelites. Yup, it's that exciting!
God starts talking to Joshua, now that Moses is dead. The Israelites are to invade Canaan in 3 days' time. Meanwhile, Joshua is to spend those days reading the Torah and absorbing its laws.
Chapter 2
Joshua sends two spies into Canaan, and in the grand tradition of dudes on vacation, they go to a whorehouse. This isn't just any old whore, though, this is Rahab, an ancestor of King David and Jesus. So that makes two Canaanite prostitutes in the Messianic line. So much for all those laws in Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy about mixing with the heathens and not visiting hookers.
Clearly, Rahab's place is well known, because pretty soon the king of Jericho comes along and demands she turn them over. She lies, which again, is condemned, and says they left, but really they're on the roof. After they leave, she comes up to them and explains that she has heard about all the great deeds the Israelite god has done for them (when, exactly? They've been wandering around in the desert telling stories for 40 years, not making conquests) and asks them to ask god to spare her and her family when they take over. They agree. She lets them out onto the city wall, which she lives on, and advises them to go and hide on the mountain for three days. They tell her that if she keeps their secret, they won't harm her or her family. They give her a piece of red thread and tell her to gather her family inside the house and hang the thread out the window. They won't harm anyone inside.
Huh. The prostitutes' union in the Netherlands is called 'De Rode Draad', or in English 'The Red Thread.' Now I know where that comes from.
Chapter 3
Time to cross the Jordan! First, 12 men have to stand in the river, which will cause it to stop flowing. Then the priests have to go through with the Ark of the Covenant, then the rest of the Israelites. Yup, it's that exciting!
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