The Wisdom of Solomon, Chapters 1-3: There is no sin except stupidity

Well, there certainly isn't any 'wisdom' in the first book, so let's not get our hopes up that we'll find any here.

Chapter 1

Love righteousness and only seek the lord with a simple heart, because he doesn't like people who test him. I wonder why? No one evil or sinful or blasphemous will ever be wise, because God is witness of his reins (v. 6) which is Jacobean English for kidneys. So far, this book is not convincing me. Also, unrighteous people will be avenged through inquisitions. Don't gossip, because it's unprofitable, and seek not death in the error of your life (v. 12), which possibly means don't commit suicide? I don't know. Also, don't do things that will cause you own destruction.

Chapter 2

Unrighteous people are those who have figured out, incorrectly, according to a book that is not considered correct enough to be part of the bible proper, that life is nasty, brutish, short and fatal. When we die, it's like we never existed within a few years. So the unrighteous say, correctly, it turns out, that we ought to party it up while we can, drinking wine and not letting any flower of the spring pass us by (v. 7) which I'm just going to interpret as sex. Also, they oppress religious people, a refrain you still hear in the 21st century, and ignore widows and old people. They do this because righteous people are always rebuking them and acting morally superior, which is also my experience. And of course, unrighteous people are responsible for bringing death into this world through the devil.

Chapter 3

Righteous people only look dead, even if the death appeared agonising. In reality, they're just resting. If it looked like they were punished in life, that's only because you're stupid: in reality, they were on their way to better places. Ungodly people will be punished severely in the afterlife, though they are tormented in this life by stupid wives and disobedient children. Barren virgins (?) who believe in god will have lots of babies and eunuch's will inherit temples. Bastard children, however, will not be allowed in. The unrighteous will have long lives so they feel the sting of death acutely.