Jesus tries to take a day off and go to the beach, but his followers quickly find him and surround him. So he goes out to a ship and starts telling them parables. The first is about people sowing seeds, some of which end up in inhospitable conditions and other of which flourish. The disciples come along and ask him why he can't just say things outright rather than speaking in riddles. Jesus gives a confusing answer about rich people and the mysteries of heaven and prophecies.
Jesus then explains the parable: the seeds that ended up in poor soil are people who hear the word and believe it, but turn away when times are tough. They're going to hell. The seeds in good soil are the stalwarts and will go to heaven.
He then tells another confusing parable about a man who sows his fields, but then his slaves go along at night and sow weeds. He blames his enemies. He tells some more about how heaven is a mustard seed: crappy as a seed, but awesome as a tree, and about a woman mixing leaven in with her flour. Apparently a prophet predicted he would speak in parables and damnit, he is determined that that one will come true.
Jesus gets tired of reciting weird stories, so he sends the multitudes away and goes inside with his disciples, who demand an explanation of the parables. Seeds: good Christians. Weeds: non-believers, who will be burnt in hell like the weeds. I can't believe anyone was confused by that. Then he tells more parables about believers being rewarded and heaven while sinners burn in hell at the end of the world.
After his speech, Jesus decides to head home for a bit. Turns out his family isn't really speaking to him, so he petulantly refuses to do many good works while he's there.
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