Chapter 23
God lays out the holiday calendar. Passover begins the fourteenth day of the first month, the feast of unleavened bread on the fifteenth. Daily sacrifices must be made. When they finally inherit Canaan, they are to make a wave offering of their first harvest. Jews out there will be happy to know that according to Jerry Falwell, the wave offering involved making the sign of the cross.
At the same time as they wave the grain in the shape of a cross, the Israelites are to sacrifice a lamb along with some bread and wine. They can't eat anything that day until they do this. This is a law unto eternity.
Fifty days later, they have to make another offering, this time of bread, lambs, bullocks and rams, followed by a kid goat and two more lambs. No work that day. This is also supposed to be eternal.
Next is the feast of trumpets, also known as Rosh Hoshannah, which happens on the first day of the seventh month. This coincides with the harvest. They are to have a memorial blowing of trumpets (v. 24) and a convocation and not do any work.
The tenth day is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, which also involves sacrifices and no work. Anyone who does work is banished. This is also in perpetuity.
The fifteenth day will be Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles, or the Feast of Booths, when they have to build a hut of boughs or palm fronds and live in them for seven days. This is also to be done forever, and is to remind them of their rescue from Egypt.
Mind you, contemporary Christians don't have to do any of these feasts, because either Jesus' death negated them (Passover, Unleavened bread, Firstfruits, Pentecost) or we won't celebrate them again until the rapture. Except for the Christians who do celebrate Pentecost or Whitsuntide, which would be most of Europe. Of course they do it because of Acts, which I haven't go to yet. I can't wait until Relevations, one because it will be the end of this project, and two because that's when Jerry will no doubt endorse the Left Behind series.
Chapter 24
God commands Aaron to keep the lamps lit inside the temple at night. Then he tells him to bake 12 loaves of bread every sabbath and put them on the table, and only he and his sons can eat it.
Then a half-Israelite curses god in the middle of a fight. This stops everyone dead in their tracks. They take him to Moses, who puts him in jail while he consults with god. Sensing an opportunity to put the fear of god into his people by example, he returns a verdict of death by stoning. So they do, and then god reminds them of the whole 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth' routine. See Monty Python's take on this chapter.
Chapter 25
Every seven years, the Israelites are to let their land lie fallow. God promises good harvests in the sixth year. Yeah, that'll work.
God also turns everybody into long-term leaseholders rather than property owners. On the fiftieth year, they have to set slaves free and return property to its owner, who of course is god. What do you want to bet Moses and Aaron are his 'realtors'? You also have to return anything you bought to its rightful owner. This rule does not apply to houses in walled cities, unless it was bought from a Levite, in which case it reverts back to him in the jubilee, thus preventing agricultural land barons from cropping up and trying to take power away from the priestly ruling class. Apparently, there is only one record of this in Israelite history, in 587 BCE, and then they realized what a stupid idea it was and went back to holding permanent title to their land.
If your brother becomes poor, you should let him live with you and not charge him interest on his rent or food. You can't enslave him, you have to hire him, and he can leave at the jubilee.
No, slaves must be from the heathens around the Israelites, and you don't have to set them or their children free. They or their family members can buy their freedom, and then pay you from the year you bought him to the jubilee year. In the time you have him, you may treat him with rigour. So what about Leviticus 24:22, which says Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country. For I am the LORD your God? Is this universal brotherhood, or a tribal society that divides the world into Us and Them? If in doubt, see Exodus 12: 29-36, the death of the first born sons.
Chapter 26
Apparently, this chapter, which contains the rewards and punishments for breaking the various laws, was typical of the area and era. Of course, Jerry can't go further and draw the conclusion that this book is just like all the rest, an iron age legal text that whose proper place is as a world history document like the others.
First, no idol worship, and keep the sabbath. The rewards: timely rain, good harvests, safety from predators, peace, victory over enemies, to the point where five Israelites can beat 100 enemies, and a hundred will triumph over 10 000. Actually, according to an excellent essay in The New Yorker, this should have been possible, as long as they didn't follow the conventional rules. Other rewards: children, good food stores, the tabernacle, and god will walk among them.
But because curses are so much more fun than blessings, there are many more of them: plagues, child cannibalism by strangers, whom you will then be killed in front of, bad harvests, child-eating predators, sick livestock, no trade, raiders, hunger pangs, cannibalism of your own children, killing you and throwing your bodies on false idols, non-acceptance of sacrifices, destruction of crops and cities, people will be so fearful they'll drop dead at the sight of a fallen leaf, which will render them unable to face their enemies, death among the heathens, wasting disease.
But there is hope! Confession and humbleness, followed by punishment will lead to redemption and restoration.
Chapter 27
Finally, how to buy your stuff back from the temple, and the various fees incurred. Why end here? Why not put it before the punishments, which would lead to a nice, dramatic finish?
First, how much you have to pay to free a person who has been promised to the temple. Males of working age: 50 shekels. Women: 30. Adolescent males: 20, females: 10. Boys from 1 month to 5 years: 5, girls: 3. Men over 60: 15, women: 10. Note that babies under 1 month are not mentioned. So far, I have not seen much evidence that the bible is anti-abortion.
Beasts brought before the priests to be offered as sacrifices cannot be altered. Unclean animals cannot be sacrificed, and if you want to buy it back, you have to pay 20 per cent extra. Apparently priests could charge interest, just not you.
If you promise your house, the priest gives a price estimate. If you decide to buy it back, 20 percent. Fields are to be estimated by crop yields and the amount of time before the next jubilee. Change your mind? 20 percent 'administration fee.'
No buying back firstlings of the flock, they're god's. Unclean beasts are to be bought back at 20 percent. No holy thing can be bought back. Tithing is mandatory, and the collection fee for non-tithers is 20 percent.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Leviticus Chapters 21 & 22
Priestly standards of conduct.
Chapter 21
Priests may not touch the dead bodies of anyone except close family members, otherwise they are unclean. Close family does not include in-laws.
Priests may not shave their heads, have goatees, or tattoos. Nor can they profane the name of their God (v. 6).
They cannot marry ex-prostitutes or heathens or divorced women. Ironically, I know a divorced Anglican priest who is married to a divorced Presbyterian minister. Jerry has no insight as to why this rule is no longer applicable. I may have to find a respectful way to ask them about that.
Members of the congregation must respect priests.
If a priest has a daughter who profane herself by playing the whore (v. 10) she is to be burnt to death. This is just thrown in there, in between the verse on respecting the priests and another on how they can never uncover their heads or wear torn clothes. And how many preacher's daughters rebel that way? Lots, I'm thinking.
A priest cannot go into places with dead bodies, or make himself unclean, even for his parents. In fact, he can't leave the temple at all, otherwise it will be unholy.
The list is obviously in no particular order, because the next couple of verses are back to sex, only now a priest has to marry a virgin from his own tribe.
God then instructs Aaron only to take perfect specimens as priests, so no blind or lame men, no one with a flat nose or anything superfluous (v. 18), which might mean deformities or disfigurements, no one broken-footed or broken-handed (v. 19) which I'm going to read as missing fingers or toes, no hunchbacks or dwarves, no one with eye defects, which would seem to bar priests with glasses, no? no scurvy or scabs, or people with defective testicles. Anyone with these, even if they are a son of Aaron, is disqualified from the priesthood, and some of those rules even today would make recruitment difficult.
These people can, however, be members of the congregation. Aw isn't that nice.
Chapter 22
Rules for sacrifices.
God reminds Moses that priests are subject to the same rules as everybody else, and can be banished just like the others. Then it's a long repetition of the rules for lepers, people who touch creeping things, and people who eat non-sacrificial animals.
Non-members of the priest's family are forbidden from eating the sacrificial food, though purchased slaves may. Daughters who marry heathens are no longer family members, unless they're divorcées or widows and don't have children.
Anyone who eats an offering by mistake has to pay the priest back, plus 20 percent. So much for usury being illegal.
Then a repetition of which animals should be sacrificed: perfect male specimens. You can offer imperfect ones, but only as freewill offerings, not as vows.
No castrated animals can be sacrificed, not even those bought from foreigners. We will find out apparently that eunuchs also couldn't worship. Offerings had to be at least 8 days old, and you couldn't kill a mother animal and its offspring in the same day.
Thanksgiving sacrifices had to be eaten on the day. That's right, no delicious hot turkey sandwiches the next day, people!
Chapter 21
Priests may not touch the dead bodies of anyone except close family members, otherwise they are unclean. Close family does not include in-laws.
Priests may not shave their heads, have goatees, or tattoos. Nor can they profane the name of their God (v. 6).
They cannot marry ex-prostitutes or heathens or divorced women. Ironically, I know a divorced Anglican priest who is married to a divorced Presbyterian minister. Jerry has no insight as to why this rule is no longer applicable. I may have to find a respectful way to ask them about that.
Members of the congregation must respect priests.
If a priest has a daughter who profane herself by playing the whore (v. 10) she is to be burnt to death. This is just thrown in there, in between the verse on respecting the priests and another on how they can never uncover their heads or wear torn clothes. And how many preacher's daughters rebel that way? Lots, I'm thinking.
A priest cannot go into places with dead bodies, or make himself unclean, even for his parents. In fact, he can't leave the temple at all, otherwise it will be unholy.
The list is obviously in no particular order, because the next couple of verses are back to sex, only now a priest has to marry a virgin from his own tribe.
God then instructs Aaron only to take perfect specimens as priests, so no blind or lame men, no one with a flat nose or anything superfluous (v. 18), which might mean deformities or disfigurements, no one broken-footed or broken-handed (v. 19) which I'm going to read as missing fingers or toes, no hunchbacks or dwarves, no one with eye defects, which would seem to bar priests with glasses, no? no scurvy or scabs, or people with defective testicles. Anyone with these, even if they are a son of Aaron, is disqualified from the priesthood, and some of those rules even today would make recruitment difficult.
These people can, however, be members of the congregation. Aw isn't that nice.
Chapter 22
Rules for sacrifices.
God reminds Moses that priests are subject to the same rules as everybody else, and can be banished just like the others. Then it's a long repetition of the rules for lepers, people who touch creeping things, and people who eat non-sacrificial animals.
Non-members of the priest's family are forbidden from eating the sacrificial food, though purchased slaves may. Daughters who marry heathens are no longer family members, unless they're divorcées or widows and don't have children.
Anyone who eats an offering by mistake has to pay the priest back, plus 20 percent. So much for usury being illegal.
Then a repetition of which animals should be sacrificed: perfect male specimens. You can offer imperfect ones, but only as freewill offerings, not as vows.
No castrated animals can be sacrificed, not even those bought from foreigners. We will find out apparently that eunuchs also couldn't worship. Offerings had to be at least 8 days old, and you couldn't kill a mother animal and its offspring in the same day.
Thanksgiving sacrifices had to be eaten on the day. That's right, no delicious hot turkey sandwiches the next day, people!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Leviticus Chapters 18-20
Jerry actually has something insightful to say about chapter 18, and the entire book of Leviticus: "The literary structure is interesting in that it resembles the basic form of the vassal or suzerainty treaties of the kings of the ancient Near East. The vassal treaties were made between a great king and a people whom he wished to bring under his rule. He usually identified himself in the preamble; thus here I am the LORD god (v. 2)." If only he could complete that thought and realize it's Moses that's making this agreement.
Chapter 18
In the agreement, god reminds them not to adopt the practices of the Egyptians or the Canaanites, which apparently includes a lot of deviant sex.
First, no sex with your relatives, which includes your father, mother sisters, half-sisters, step-sisters, nieces, granddaughters, paternal and maternal aunts, paternal uncles, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law. No marrying mothers and daughters, grandmothers and granddaughters, or marrying your wife's sister to spite her. Jerry says this is because the Canaanites did all of these, but I find that hard to believe. Every society, no matter how primitive, has rules about who can and cannot have sex. Usually, it's the relatives who have names: mother, grandmother, cousin, etc. Granted, many have fewer words and tolerate uncle-niece or cousin marriage, but the point is, they do have a moral system about this.
No sex with a woman who has her period, or your neighbour's wife.
No child sacrifice. Again, supposedly a practice of the Canaanites. But even today, every country has myths about its neighbours. For example, Canadians will tell you that Americans know nothing about Canada, while we have to learn everything about the USA at school. First, ignorance about Canada is not limited to one country. The next time a Canadian makes that claim, ask him or her what the capital of New Brunswick is (unless he or she is from New Brunswick, in which case you should ask the capital of Saskatchewan) or when and where and why the first Thanksgiving was celebrated in North America. Then ask the person if Americans sacrifice babies. They will probably have an answer based on universal health care.
And the biggie for Christians, the one that is most frequently used to justify denying rights to gays: no homosexual sex.
No bestiality, for men or women.
The punishment for any of the above transgression was banishment. The laws apply to the Israelites and foreigners who live in their territory.
Jerry actually has nothing to say about homosexuality today. He only gives the historical background of the law, saying it was a practice of the Canaanites and some other tribes. He doesn't even do his usual cop-out of showing why we do or don't have to follow it today with something from the new testaments. So to those Christians who justify their views on homosexuality with this verse: why do we have to follow that one verse, but none of the others in this book? Why aren't children killed for talking back to their parents, and why aren't people banished for having sex with menstruating women? Why only that verse?
Oh, and another thing. I read a blog entry by a Christian who was twisting himself in knots trying to explain why there are two punishments for having sex with a menstruating woman, either the cleanliness ritual or banishment. If you take god out of it and just look at this as a how-to manual, it actually makes sense. Taking the example of London, Ontario, if you go into any park in the city, you'll see a sign that says the maximum fine for having your dog off the leash is $5000. Now, hardly anyone gets a fine that big. Your dog would have to say, attack a child to incur that maximum penalty. Same story here: if you're an agreeable person who makes his sacrifices regularly, you can just be unclean for the day and get on with it. But if you're kind of an asshole and you haven't been keeping up with your religious obligations, they can hold the threat of banishment over your head to keep you in line.
What's most disturbing to me is that you'd have these rulers who want to control every aspect of your life, down to when you do and don't have sex with your own wife, and then punish you when you break them.
Chapter 19
Social ethics. Of a sort.
First, respect your parents, and the sabbath.
No idols.
Sacrifices have to be voluntary, and you have to eat it that day or the next, or it will be rejected.
Leave the corners of your fields unreaped, and don't pick up the grain that falls, and don't go over the vineyards a second time or pick up the fallen grapes. Leave that to the poor.
No stealing or lying or cheating. No false swearing to god, no defrauding or robbing your neighbours. Pay your workers on time. Be nice to deaf and blind people. Be fair in your justice. Don't gossip or do anything to endanger your neighbour's life. Be kind to your brother, confront your neighbour directly so you won't share in his sin. No vengeance towards your enemy's kids (except god, he can curse you up to your grandchildren). Be nice to your neighbour.
No mixing cattle breeds, seeds or linens. Jerry of course, has to link this to abnormal sex practices of the Canaanites, it might be more realistic to think the cloth merchants has a say here.
No sex with engaged slaves whose fiancés haven't yet raised the money for their freedom. This is still a slave-owning society living in tents, after all. The punishment cannot be death for this one, because she wasn't free, it should be a ram.
No eating the fruit from your trees for three years, the fruit from the fourth year is for god, and you can finally have it in the fifth.
No eating blood, which is oddly in the same verse banning divination and sorcery.
No cutting off the hair at the temples or the edges of the beard. According to Jerry this was a practice in a Syrian cult that thought cutting the hair influenced the will of the deity. It's certainly cheaper than sacrificing a goat. Also, no cutting yourself to remember the dead, nor can you tattoo yourself for the same reason.
No prostituting your daughter, which would imply that the Israelites were doing this. The chosen people, mind.
In the next breath, we are reminded keep the sabbath and temple holy, and to avoid witches wizards and mediums.
Then we get back to the good stuff, where we are told to honour the elderly, be kind to strangers and foreigners that live amongst us (is Tom Tancredo aware of this one?), and finally, to use proper weights and measures.
Chapter 20
Primitive notions of justice.
The penalty for child sacrifice to god's main rival Molech: stoning to death, then banishment. How are you supposed to do both of these? I'm thinking there was some room for bribing Aaron here. Of course there is no explanation of why it was fine for god to order Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.
The punishment for visiting a medium, witch or wizard: banishment.
Cursing your parents: death, same for adulterous husbands and wives, whether it's between neighbours or step-families or in-laws. Of course Reuben didn't suffer this fate when he had sex with his step-mother.
Homosexual? Death!
Marrying a mother-daughter pair: auto-de-fé for all of them.
Bestiality: death for man or woman and beast.
Sex with your sister, half-sister: banishment.
Again, the punishment for sex with a menstruating woman is banishment. This is so clear, and yet... Jerry has nothing to say about it today, and nor does any major religion that I know of.
Sex with your aunties or sisters-in-law: childlessness. Now seriously, how did Moses think he was going to carry out that particular punishment?
The chapter finishes with a reminder not to be like the Canaanites and a promise to give their land to them, and a final ruling on witches and wizards: death by stoning!
Oh yes, the answers: Fredericton is the capital of New Brunswick, not Saint John, which is another city, or St. John's, which is the capital of Newfoundland, and which most Canadians will answer. Regina is the capital of Saskatchewan, not Saskatoon. And the first feast of Thanksgiving held in North America took place in 1578 in Newfoundland to celebrate explorer Martin Frobisher's survival after an arctic expedition.
Chapter 18
In the agreement, god reminds them not to adopt the practices of the Egyptians or the Canaanites, which apparently includes a lot of deviant sex.
First, no sex with your relatives, which includes your father, mother sisters, half-sisters, step-sisters, nieces, granddaughters, paternal and maternal aunts, paternal uncles, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law. No marrying mothers and daughters, grandmothers and granddaughters, or marrying your wife's sister to spite her. Jerry says this is because the Canaanites did all of these, but I find that hard to believe. Every society, no matter how primitive, has rules about who can and cannot have sex. Usually, it's the relatives who have names: mother, grandmother, cousin, etc. Granted, many have fewer words and tolerate uncle-niece or cousin marriage, but the point is, they do have a moral system about this.
No sex with a woman who has her period, or your neighbour's wife.
No child sacrifice. Again, supposedly a practice of the Canaanites. But even today, every country has myths about its neighbours. For example, Canadians will tell you that Americans know nothing about Canada, while we have to learn everything about the USA at school. First, ignorance about Canada is not limited to one country. The next time a Canadian makes that claim, ask him or her what the capital of New Brunswick is (unless he or she is from New Brunswick, in which case you should ask the capital of Saskatchewan) or when and where and why the first Thanksgiving was celebrated in North America. Then ask the person if Americans sacrifice babies. They will probably have an answer based on universal health care.
And the biggie for Christians, the one that is most frequently used to justify denying rights to gays: no homosexual sex.
No bestiality, for men or women.
The punishment for any of the above transgression was banishment. The laws apply to the Israelites and foreigners who live in their territory.
Jerry actually has nothing to say about homosexuality today. He only gives the historical background of the law, saying it was a practice of the Canaanites and some other tribes. He doesn't even do his usual cop-out of showing why we do or don't have to follow it today with something from the new testaments. So to those Christians who justify their views on homosexuality with this verse: why do we have to follow that one verse, but none of the others in this book? Why aren't children killed for talking back to their parents, and why aren't people banished for having sex with menstruating women? Why only that verse?
Oh, and another thing. I read a blog entry by a Christian who was twisting himself in knots trying to explain why there are two punishments for having sex with a menstruating woman, either the cleanliness ritual or banishment. If you take god out of it and just look at this as a how-to manual, it actually makes sense. Taking the example of London, Ontario, if you go into any park in the city, you'll see a sign that says the maximum fine for having your dog off the leash is $5000. Now, hardly anyone gets a fine that big. Your dog would have to say, attack a child to incur that maximum penalty. Same story here: if you're an agreeable person who makes his sacrifices regularly, you can just be unclean for the day and get on with it. But if you're kind of an asshole and you haven't been keeping up with your religious obligations, they can hold the threat of banishment over your head to keep you in line.
What's most disturbing to me is that you'd have these rulers who want to control every aspect of your life, down to when you do and don't have sex with your own wife, and then punish you when you break them.
Chapter 19
Social ethics. Of a sort.
First, respect your parents, and the sabbath.
No idols.
Sacrifices have to be voluntary, and you have to eat it that day or the next, or it will be rejected.
Leave the corners of your fields unreaped, and don't pick up the grain that falls, and don't go over the vineyards a second time or pick up the fallen grapes. Leave that to the poor.
No stealing or lying or cheating. No false swearing to god, no defrauding or robbing your neighbours. Pay your workers on time. Be nice to deaf and blind people. Be fair in your justice. Don't gossip or do anything to endanger your neighbour's life. Be kind to your brother, confront your neighbour directly so you won't share in his sin. No vengeance towards your enemy's kids (except god, he can curse you up to your grandchildren). Be nice to your neighbour.
No mixing cattle breeds, seeds or linens. Jerry of course, has to link this to abnormal sex practices of the Canaanites, it might be more realistic to think the cloth merchants has a say here.
No sex with engaged slaves whose fiancés haven't yet raised the money for their freedom. This is still a slave-owning society living in tents, after all. The punishment cannot be death for this one, because she wasn't free, it should be a ram.
No eating the fruit from your trees for three years, the fruit from the fourth year is for god, and you can finally have it in the fifth.
No eating blood, which is oddly in the same verse banning divination and sorcery.
No cutting off the hair at the temples or the edges of the beard. According to Jerry this was a practice in a Syrian cult that thought cutting the hair influenced the will of the deity. It's certainly cheaper than sacrificing a goat. Also, no cutting yourself to remember the dead, nor can you tattoo yourself for the same reason.
No prostituting your daughter, which would imply that the Israelites were doing this. The chosen people, mind.
In the next breath, we are reminded keep the sabbath and temple holy, and to avoid witches wizards and mediums.
Then we get back to the good stuff, where we are told to honour the elderly, be kind to strangers and foreigners that live amongst us (is Tom Tancredo aware of this one?), and finally, to use proper weights and measures.
Chapter 20
Primitive notions of justice.
The penalty for child sacrifice to god's main rival Molech: stoning to death, then banishment. How are you supposed to do both of these? I'm thinking there was some room for bribing Aaron here. Of course there is no explanation of why it was fine for god to order Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.
The punishment for visiting a medium, witch or wizard: banishment.
Cursing your parents: death, same for adulterous husbands and wives, whether it's between neighbours or step-families or in-laws. Of course Reuben didn't suffer this fate when he had sex with his step-mother.
Homosexual? Death!
Marrying a mother-daughter pair: auto-de-fé for all of them.
Bestiality: death for man or woman and beast.
Sex with your sister, half-sister: banishment.
Again, the punishment for sex with a menstruating woman is banishment. This is so clear, and yet... Jerry has nothing to say about it today, and nor does any major religion that I know of.
Sex with your aunties or sisters-in-law: childlessness. Now seriously, how did Moses think he was going to carry out that particular punishment?
The chapter finishes with a reminder not to be like the Canaanites and a promise to give their land to them, and a final ruling on witches and wizards: death by stoning!
Oh yes, the answers: Fredericton is the capital of New Brunswick, not Saint John, which is another city, or St. John's, which is the capital of Newfoundland, and which most Canadians will answer. Regina is the capital of Saskatchewan, not Saskatoon. And the first feast of Thanksgiving held in North America took place in 1578 in Newfoundland to celebrate explorer Martin Frobisher's survival after an arctic expedition.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Leviticus, Chapter 17
Just so we're clear: no eating blood! God is very emphatic on that point in this chapter.
Want to kill an animal, but feeling too hungry and impatient to bring it to the tabernacle and offer it to god? Or feel like hedging your bets a little and sacrificing something to another god? Banished! This rule was to stop the Israelites making sacrifices in the open fields, where the temple couldn't control who the offering was for. God sure wants to know what you're doing at any given moment with your property, doesn't he?
Jerry, of course, thinks this is all a reference to bestiality. He thinks the Israelites were under the thrall of a particular southern Egyptian cult whose women copulated with goats. So he glosses over the deaths of 3000 people, but makes sure to point out the goat-fuckers. And I'm the heathen.
Next are the rules for kosher. Basically, you have to drain the blood. Failure to do so: banishment. If you hunt, you have to drain the blood in the field and bury it. If you eat an animal that died of natural causes or was killed by another animal, your punishment is a bath, laundry, and you're unclean until sunset.
Want to kill an animal, but feeling too hungry and impatient to bring it to the tabernacle and offer it to god? Or feel like hedging your bets a little and sacrificing something to another god? Banished! This rule was to stop the Israelites making sacrifices in the open fields, where the temple couldn't control who the offering was for. God sure wants to know what you're doing at any given moment with your property, doesn't he?
Jerry, of course, thinks this is all a reference to bestiality. He thinks the Israelites were under the thrall of a particular southern Egyptian cult whose women copulated with goats. So he glosses over the deaths of 3000 people, but makes sure to point out the goat-fuckers. And I'm the heathen.
Next are the rules for kosher. Basically, you have to drain the blood. Failure to do so: banishment. If you hunt, you have to drain the blood in the field and bury it. If you eat an animal that died of natural causes or was killed by another animal, your punishment is a bath, laundry, and you're unclean until sunset.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Leviticus, Chapter 16
God warns Moses to never let Aaron go behind the curtains that contain the ark, because that's where he's going to appear as a cloud. I don't make any of this up. Penalty: death.
Next, Aaron has to sacrifice a bullock and a ram. Then he has to get dressed, wash his hands and find two kid goats and a ram. Then he has to kill the bullock to atone for his sins. He has to throw dice down in front of the goats. One is for god, the other for the scapegoat. Hey, it was a real goat! The goat that gets god's dice is to be sacrificed, the scapegoat goes free. Then he has to fill the room with the ark in it with incense smoke so he can't see anything, then sprinkle blood on the mercy seat. Next, he has to repeat that with the goat. So wait, you can't sit on a chair that a menstruating woman has sat on, but god prefers to sit in bull and goat blood? Weird.
His next step is to atone for the sins of the temple and the congregation: he has to smear the blood on the altar. When all that is done, he is to bring the living goat to the front, lay his hands on it, and confess the sins, which are then transferred to the goat. The goat will then be released into the wilderness. Another bath, another sacrifice, more laundry, burn the remains, laundry, bath.
They have to do this every year on the tenth day of the seventh month, which is still the date of Yom Kippur. They also get to rest, but they have to deny themselves. And that's pretty much what happens now. For Jews. Of course, Christians don't have to because of Jesus. He certainly made life a lot less bloody, didn't he?
Next, Aaron has to sacrifice a bullock and a ram. Then he has to get dressed, wash his hands and find two kid goats and a ram. Then he has to kill the bullock to atone for his sins. He has to throw dice down in front of the goats. One is for god, the other for the scapegoat. Hey, it was a real goat! The goat that gets god's dice is to be sacrificed, the scapegoat goes free. Then he has to fill the room with the ark in it with incense smoke so he can't see anything, then sprinkle blood on the mercy seat. Next, he has to repeat that with the goat. So wait, you can't sit on a chair that a menstruating woman has sat on, but god prefers to sit in bull and goat blood? Weird.
His next step is to atone for the sins of the temple and the congregation: he has to smear the blood on the altar. When all that is done, he is to bring the living goat to the front, lay his hands on it, and confess the sins, which are then transferred to the goat. The goat will then be released into the wilderness. Another bath, another sacrifice, more laundry, burn the remains, laundry, bath.
They have to do this every year on the tenth day of the seventh month, which is still the date of Yom Kippur. They also get to rest, but they have to deny themselves. And that's pretty much what happens now. For Jews. Of course, Christians don't have to because of Jesus. He certainly made life a lot less bloody, didn't he?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Leviticus Chapter 15
Sex! A little bit. But it's buried under piles and piles of disgusting verses on 'bodily discharges.'
If it's chronic, anything you touch is unclean. Anyone who touches you or anything you've touched, including your saddle, is unclean for the rest of the day, and has to take a bath. No spitting! If you spit on someone, that person is unclean and has to wash and do laundry. If you touch a pot, it has to be broken or washed.
When you're better, you have to wait seven days, then sacrifice two turtledoves. Tom was pointing out last night that there must have been a huge market in back of the temple, entirely staffed by members of Moses and Aaron's family and friends, selling all these sacrificial animals at an inflated price.
If any man's seed of copulation go out of him (v. 16), which, please not, does not mean every time you have sex, so according to this verse, masturbation is also okay, he then has to wash and do laundry, and is unclean that day.
Women are also unclean after sex. And during their periods. And any other time they bleed. They have to leave for seven days and anything they sit on or lie on is unclean. Now, according to the book 'The Year of Living Biblically', which I read last year, there are still Orthodox Jews who follow these practices and have separate rooms for their wives. The author dealt with the problem by getting his own folding stool and taking it everywhere, which came in handy when his wife got pissed off and sat on all the chairs in the house. Jerry of course has no insight as to why Christians, even those who believe in inerrancy, don't have to do this.
Men who have sex with menstruating women are unclean for seven days. At the end of her period, she has to sacrifice two turtledoves or two pigeons. So every single month, for what, 30-odd years, she's got to sacrifice some birds. Taking time out for pregnancy (which requires a sacrifice at the end, don't forget), that still adds up to hundreds of birds. And how is Aaron supposed to eat all of this? Now I see why people don't question this book.
Anyway, women on their periods can't enter the temple. I'm thinking some of them saw that week as a nice, restful vacation, but then I remember that they probably had to take the kids with them for that entire week as well, and decide the men just wanted them away while they were grumpy, and spent the time partying it up with their friends.
If it's chronic, anything you touch is unclean. Anyone who touches you or anything you've touched, including your saddle, is unclean for the rest of the day, and has to take a bath. No spitting! If you spit on someone, that person is unclean and has to wash and do laundry. If you touch a pot, it has to be broken or washed.
When you're better, you have to wait seven days, then sacrifice two turtledoves. Tom was pointing out last night that there must have been a huge market in back of the temple, entirely staffed by members of Moses and Aaron's family and friends, selling all these sacrificial animals at an inflated price.
If any man's seed of copulation go out of him (v. 16), which, please not, does not mean every time you have sex, so according to this verse, masturbation is also okay, he then has to wash and do laundry, and is unclean that day.
Women are also unclean after sex. And during their periods. And any other time they bleed. They have to leave for seven days and anything they sit on or lie on is unclean. Now, according to the book 'The Year of Living Biblically', which I read last year, there are still Orthodox Jews who follow these practices and have separate rooms for their wives. The author dealt with the problem by getting his own folding stool and taking it everywhere, which came in handy when his wife got pissed off and sat on all the chairs in the house. Jerry of course has no insight as to why Christians, even those who believe in inerrancy, don't have to do this.
Men who have sex with menstruating women are unclean for seven days. At the end of her period, she has to sacrifice two turtledoves or two pigeons. So every single month, for what, 30-odd years, she's got to sacrifice some birds. Taking time out for pregnancy (which requires a sacrifice at the end, don't forget), that still adds up to hundreds of birds. And how is Aaron supposed to eat all of this? Now I see why people don't question this book.
Anyway, women on their periods can't enter the temple. I'm thinking some of them saw that week as a nice, restful vacation, but then I remember that they probably had to take the kids with them for that entire week as well, and decide the men just wanted them away while they were grumpy, and spent the time partying it up with their friends.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Leviticus Chapters 13 & 14
The diagnosis, care and treatment of lepers. Well, until the development of multi-drug treatment.
Chapter 13
Various disgusting descriptions of skin disease, each of which is to be taken to Aaron for diagnosis. What an awesome job he must have had, killing animals, sprinkling blood everywhere, including on his appendages, then oil, and now looking at everyone's skin ailments and deciding, 'No, that's just a pimple, no that's athlete's foot, okay, that there is leprosy.' If it is leprosy, he has to isolate the victim for a week. If he isn't better, he gets locked up for another week. If he's better then, he can do laundry and be declared clean. If it's a really bad case, he gets exiled. There are a lot of finer shades of diagnosis, but hey, if you or someone you love develops leprosy, you're not going to follow the bible's advice even if you think it's inerrant, right?
We do find out that god is cool with baldness and male pattern baldness, as long as it isn't as a result of leprosy.
Apparently you can also tell if someone has leprosy by looking at the stains in his clothing. Of course he then has to burn it, because that is nasty.
For Jerry, of course, the worst part of leprosy is that it cuts the worshipper off from god. Not the deformation, loss of sensation or nerve damage.
Chapter 14
Should you be cured of your leprosy, you can rejoin the fold in the following way: take two birds. Kill one, then dip the other in its blood. Sprinkle the rest of the blood on the leper. Then release the bird. Next, wash your clothes, shave your entire body, take a bath, and sit in your tent for 7 days. Repeat. Then take three lambs, some bread and some oil to the priest. The priest waves the lamb and oil around, then kill the lamb. Then smear the blood on the victim's right ear, thumb and toe. Then the priest sprinkles him with oil, and smears it over the blood, as well as smearing some on his head. Then repeat with the other two lambs. If you can't afford three lambs, one lamb and two turtledoves or pigeons will also do.
Then god says he's going to plague the Canaanites with leprosy.
In addition to people and clothes being infectable with plague, it turns out houses can also be disease carriers. Infected houses are to be isolated for seven days, then seven more if the disease spreads, and if that doesn't work, to remove the diseased stones, then replace them and re-mortar and re-plaster. If that doesn't work the house has to be demolished. Anyone who goes inside is unclean for the rest of the day. If the house does recover, then you have to take two birds, kill one, dip the other in its blood, then let it go.
Or you know, you could just go down to the pub and buy everyone a round of drinks.
Chapter 13
Various disgusting descriptions of skin disease, each of which is to be taken to Aaron for diagnosis. What an awesome job he must have had, killing animals, sprinkling blood everywhere, including on his appendages, then oil, and now looking at everyone's skin ailments and deciding, 'No, that's just a pimple, no that's athlete's foot, okay, that there is leprosy.' If it is leprosy, he has to isolate the victim for a week. If he isn't better, he gets locked up for another week. If he's better then, he can do laundry and be declared clean. If it's a really bad case, he gets exiled. There are a lot of finer shades of diagnosis, but hey, if you or someone you love develops leprosy, you're not going to follow the bible's advice even if you think it's inerrant, right?
We do find out that god is cool with baldness and male pattern baldness, as long as it isn't as a result of leprosy.
Apparently you can also tell if someone has leprosy by looking at the stains in his clothing. Of course he then has to burn it, because that is nasty.
For Jerry, of course, the worst part of leprosy is that it cuts the worshipper off from god. Not the deformation, loss of sensation or nerve damage.
Chapter 14
Should you be cured of your leprosy, you can rejoin the fold in the following way: take two birds. Kill one, then dip the other in its blood. Sprinkle the rest of the blood on the leper. Then release the bird. Next, wash your clothes, shave your entire body, take a bath, and sit in your tent for 7 days. Repeat. Then take three lambs, some bread and some oil to the priest. The priest waves the lamb and oil around, then kill the lamb. Then smear the blood on the victim's right ear, thumb and toe. Then the priest sprinkles him with oil, and smears it over the blood, as well as smearing some on his head. Then repeat with the other two lambs. If you can't afford three lambs, one lamb and two turtledoves or pigeons will also do.
Then god says he's going to plague the Canaanites with leprosy.
In addition to people and clothes being infectable with plague, it turns out houses can also be disease carriers. Infected houses are to be isolated for seven days, then seven more if the disease spreads, and if that doesn't work, to remove the diseased stones, then replace them and re-mortar and re-plaster. If that doesn't work the house has to be demolished. Anyone who goes inside is unclean for the rest of the day. If the house does recover, then you have to take two birds, kill one, dip the other in its blood, then let it go.
Or you know, you could just go down to the pub and buy everyone a round of drinks.
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