Friday, January 18, 2013

Phillipians, Chapters 1-4: Greetings from the bowels of Christ

Chapter 1

Paul and Timotheus send their greetings from Christ's bowels. I am not making this up. He also has some serious topics to discuss, namely strife and envy and how much he's looking forward to dying when Jesus comes back and destroys the world. Also, he wants them to know that even if he's not there, his spies report back on what happens in their congregation.

Chapter 2

If there's a good thing about living in Christs intestinal tract, it's that everyone thinks the same and is humble and compassionate. Also, even though we're in his bowels, we have to kneel every time his name is mentioned. And don't bitch about it, because you're setting an example for those godless heathens around you.

He promises to send Timotheus along, and hopes to make an appearance himself, but only if god wants it. He's also sending Epaphroditus, who is feeling better, thanks to god, who also spared Paul all the grief of finding a new apostle.

Chapter 3

It's been a whole 3 chapters since anyone mentioned foreskins, so Paul opens this chapter with 5 verses on circumcision. To sum up, it was a Jewish thing. Christians are much more concerned about where you go when you die.

Paul reminds us that he was a Pharisee and therefore is circumcised. But now he only cares about faith and death and resurrection.

Chapter 4

They say that anything you put online will still be there in a thousand years. So imagine the embarrassment and shame of two women, Euodias and Syntyche, who had a fight two thousand years ago that got them into the bible. Paul entreats them to kiss and make up so they can go to heaven. Oh, and whoever sent him a sacrifice? Thanks, but he doesn't need those anymore.

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