1 Corinthians, Chapters 5 & 6: Sex-obsessed

Chapter 5

Things take a sharp turn for the quasi-incestuous as Paul addresses rumours of fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (v. 1) Not only that, according to Paul, they're proud to have a dude who banged one of his stepmothers amongst them. Naturally, he advises removing the creep so Satan can deal with him, because this kind of thing has a way of spreading. 

Other people to avoid: regular fornicators, the covetous, extortioners, idolators, slanderers or drunkards. Fun people, in other words. You can't even eat with them, just leave them for god to judge.

Chapter 6

Don't take other believers to court, because some day believers will take over the world and then they'll have to administer it for themselves, so they might as well start learning now. Eventually, they'll even have the power to judge angels. He advises finding someone smart among the congregation and setting him up as the judge rather than turning to a court of non-believers. 

Next, he lists all the people who won't be going to heaven: fornicators, idolators, adulterers, male prostitutes (though possibly just masturbators), homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, haters or swindlers. So basically, nobody's going to heaven. Apparently, some of them used to be some or all of those things. Paul admits that everything is permissible, but not everything is good for you. For once I agree with him, but that agreement is tempered by the fact that three verses ago he barred the entire LGTBQ community from heaven. 

Even though one could argue that the flesh is made for sex, and sex for the flesh, Paul urges us to keep it in our pants, because our bodies are for god. So no visiting prostitutes, because that would be polluting Christ's flesh. 

Did you know that if you have sex with a prostitute, you become one flesh? I knew that. I think Paul's a prude. He'd rather be one spirit (v. 17) with god. 

Paul still isn't done obsessing about what you do in your bedroom. He instructs us to flee fornication, because it's a crime against your own body, while all the other sins are external. Also, your body is a temple for the holy spirit, and god bought you, so keep things in good shape for him.