Chapter 23
Men with injured testicles or whose penises have been cut off may not worship in the temple. Further, bastards are not allowed in, even unto the 10th generation. Is there anyone in the entire world who doesn't have at least one great-great-great-great grandparent who was illegitimate? I think not. Ammonites and Moabites can't join the congregation for 10 generations, though according to Jerry Falwell, that prohibition only applies to men. Women can marry Israelites and convert. Of course. Edomites and Egyptians can join after 3.
People who have 'nocturnal emissions' are unclean and have to leave the camp until sundown, at which point they can take a shower and come home. So boys between the ages of 12 and oh, 62, pretty much lived in the fields then.
If you get, uh, caught short away from home and have to improvise a field toilet, for god's sake, dig a hole and cover it up when you're finished. This one I happen to agree with, though not for the reason given in the book, which is that god will be walking around and doesn't want to get his shoes dirty. I'm more concerned about my own shoes.
If an escaped slave comes to your village, you should not give him back to his master, but rather should let him live where he likes.
Israelites may not become prostitutes or engage in homosexual sex. Nor shall male or female prostitutes tithe their wages to the church. Jerry is silent on this, which I find odd.
Next, usury is banned. Well, only among Israelites. Charging strangers interest is fine. If only evangelical Christians would pay attention to this one, and try to get payday loan services banned, rather than focus on the verse above it.
Keep your promises.
Finally, a note on hospitality: when in your neighbour's vineyard, you can eat enough grapes to satisfy yourself, but you can't put some in a doggie bag. Same with his corn.
Chapter 24
If you get married, then divorce your wife, then she marries another dude, then divorces him, you can't get remarried. Apparently, the governor of Indiana, Mitch Daniels, a committed Christian, did exactly this, to the sounds of crickets chirping from evangelicals.
Newlywed men cannot be drafted into the army for a year.
No taking the upper or lower millstone for a debt security, because that's taking a man's livelihood.
People who steal slaves and sell them on are to be put to death.
Remember the laws on leprosy, and what happened to Miriam (struck with the disease for accusing Moses of breaking god's laws on intermarriage, which he did.)
When collecting a debt, no going inside the debtor's house, it should be done in the open.
Be nice to the poor and pay your workers on time.
Now apparently fathers can't be punished for the sins of their children, nor can children be punished for the sins of their father. Never mind all those seven verses we've already read, including one in the last chapter that say the exact opposite.
Then another reminder to be nice to widows and orphans, and when you harvest, to let them scavenge the fields.
Chapter 25
Beatings: it's not quite the law of the jungle, but it isn't quite civilised, either. If two men get into a dispute they can take it to a judge. If one is deemed guilty, the judge can order up to 40 lashes, depending on the crime.
Let animals eat while they work.
If a man gets married, then dies without issue, his brother must then marry his wife. Their first son will take the father's name so it doesn't die out. If the brother refuses, the wife can report him to the priests. The priests can then call him before them, and if he admits it, the wife can then loosen his shoe and spit in his face, and his clan will then be known as the house of him that hath his shoe loosed (v. 10).
Next, brawling: if two men are brawling and one's wife interferes and grabs the other by the testicles, à la Jerry Springer, her hand will be cut off.
How can you even take any of this out of context? There is no context. Right after hand-chopping, there are a few verses about using fair weights and measures, then the chapter segues immediately into avenging themselves on the Amalekites. The end for today.
Showing posts with label Miriam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miriam. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Numbers Chapters 19 & 20
Chapter 19
Unless you're a fundamentalist whatever, you've probably never heard of this particular chapter. God tells Moses and Aaron to bring forth a red heifer (young female cow) with no spots or blemishes and sacrifice her. Whoever burns her must then take a bath and do laundry. Someone else is to gather up the ashes and keep them for purification water. I read about it in a book called The Year of Living Biblically, in which the author travels to Israel, where some Jews were trying to breed this unblemished heifer in the effort to bring forth the messiah. Some fundamentalist Christians take this even further, thinking that messiah will then bring about the end of days and the rapture. Apparently one was born in 2002 that met with provisional approval, but it was rejected in the end. But they'll keep trying! Kinda like Maryann the Maenad from True Blood last season, who has spent 3000 years trying to get her theology right so Dionysis will return to earth. Yes, that's right. I just compared Christian fundamentalists who believe in the Rapture to a character on a cheesy vampire show who believes in her own rapture.
People who handle the dead are unclean. They have this in Japan and India as well. There are villages that are shunned because they do this work. I've never understood it, though. I mean, someone has to get rid of dead bodies, right? And then we shun them. There's some morality for you. To get clean, they have to purify themselves with heifer-water on the third day, and then they can come back on the seventh.
If someone dies in a tent, the tent and any open pots inside are unclean for seven days. The tent can be made clean by sprinkling the water on the person.
Chapter 20
Miriam dies unloved and forgotten.
Next verse, there is no water and the people are angry. Moses and Aaron prostrate themselves before god. God tells Moses to take his staff and order a rock to bring forth water. They gather the people and Moses speaks to them in anger, then hits the rock twice with his staff. God accuses them of not believing them, and punishes them by saying they won't make it into the holy land, either. Well, to be fair, they are about 123 and 127 by now, since we know they were 83 and 87 when they left Egypt and that was 40 years ago. But this just goes to show, you can be pious and holy your entire life and god will still turn on you in a second if you piss him off.
Next the Israelits send messengers to the king of Edom requesting safe passage through his lands. Edom, a descendant of Esau, refuses, probably still smarting from the time Jacob bought his great-great-whatever grandfather's birth right for a bowl of porridge. He in fact threatens to send his army after them, even after they offer to pay. That's some grudge.
Finally, they come to Mount Hor and god says it's time for Aaron to die. He orders him to go up the mountain, strip off his clothing, give it to his son, and lay down there. Jerry compares this to the 'eternal priesthood of Jesus Christ.' Have you heard from him there lately, Jerry? What's that? Not directly? Just some burnt toast and oil slicks? No text messages, even?
Unless you're a fundamentalist whatever, you've probably never heard of this particular chapter. God tells Moses and Aaron to bring forth a red heifer (young female cow) with no spots or blemishes and sacrifice her. Whoever burns her must then take a bath and do laundry. Someone else is to gather up the ashes and keep them for purification water. I read about it in a book called The Year of Living Biblically, in which the author travels to Israel, where some Jews were trying to breed this unblemished heifer in the effort to bring forth the messiah. Some fundamentalist Christians take this even further, thinking that messiah will then bring about the end of days and the rapture. Apparently one was born in 2002 that met with provisional approval, but it was rejected in the end. But they'll keep trying! Kinda like Maryann the Maenad from True Blood last season, who has spent 3000 years trying to get her theology right so Dionysis will return to earth. Yes, that's right. I just compared Christian fundamentalists who believe in the Rapture to a character on a cheesy vampire show who believes in her own rapture.
People who handle the dead are unclean. They have this in Japan and India as well. There are villages that are shunned because they do this work. I've never understood it, though. I mean, someone has to get rid of dead bodies, right? And then we shun them. There's some morality for you. To get clean, they have to purify themselves with heifer-water on the third day, and then they can come back on the seventh.
If someone dies in a tent, the tent and any open pots inside are unclean for seven days. The tent can be made clean by sprinkling the water on the person.
Chapter 20
Miriam dies unloved and forgotten.
Next verse, there is no water and the people are angry. Moses and Aaron prostrate themselves before god. God tells Moses to take his staff and order a rock to bring forth water. They gather the people and Moses speaks to them in anger, then hits the rock twice with his staff. God accuses them of not believing them, and punishes them by saying they won't make it into the holy land, either. Well, to be fair, they are about 123 and 127 by now, since we know they were 83 and 87 when they left Egypt and that was 40 years ago. But this just goes to show, you can be pious and holy your entire life and god will still turn on you in a second if you piss him off.
Next the Israelits send messengers to the king of Edom requesting safe passage through his lands. Edom, a descendant of Esau, refuses, probably still smarting from the time Jacob bought his great-great-whatever grandfather's birth right for a bowl of porridge. He in fact threatens to send his army after them, even after they offer to pay. That's some grudge.
Finally, they come to Mount Hor and god says it's time for Aaron to die. He orders him to go up the mountain, strip off his clothing, give it to his son, and lay down there. Jerry compares this to the 'eternal priesthood of Jesus Christ.' Have you heard from him there lately, Jerry? What's that? Not directly? Just some burnt toast and oil slicks? No text messages, even?
Friday, March 5, 2010
Numbers Chapters 12 & 13
Chapter 12
Miriam and Aaron complain about Moses' new Ethiopian wife. She's black, ya'll. They want equal pay for equal work. Verse 3 says Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.There are a lot of words I would use to describe Moses, and meek is not among them. Authoritarian, dictator, tyrant, despot. I might use those words. But certainly not meek. Also, he's the author, mind, and clearly not a reliable narrator.
God humours them a bit and tells them to come to the temple. He tells them if they have a prophet, he'll speak to him in a vision. He says he speaks face to face with Moses, and asks why they weren't afraid to criticize him. God gets angry and leaves, but not before cursing Miriam with a disease that turns her skin white. Aaron diagnoses leprosy. He begs Moses' forgiveness and asks him to heal her. Moses in turn asks god, who tells him to exile her for seven days, delaying the trip to Paran.
Now, why doesn't Aaron get punished? He also escaped scot-free from the golden calf incident. And also, in Exodus 34, god forbids intermarriage, so why is Moses allowed to do it?
Chapter 13
God tells Moses to send someone from each tribe to spy on Canaan. They're to report on the people, arable land and natural resources. He also tells them to steal grapes if possible. They go and find the children of Anak, or the Nephilim, the children of angels and earthly women, who are giants. This was mentioned in Genesis, and was part of the reason for the flood, which nothing but what Noah had on the ark is supposed to have survived, but of course Jerry glosses over that fact. They also bring back a grape vine so big it takes two of them to carry it, as well as some other fruit.
They come back 40 days later and report that it is indeed a land of milk and honey, but the people are strong and live in fortified cities. Caleb wants to attack right away. The others are reluctant, and report that the land is full of giants and there have been many wars over the bountiful soil. You're telling me.
Miriam and Aaron complain about Moses' new Ethiopian wife. She's black, ya'll. They want equal pay for equal work. Verse 3 says Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.There are a lot of words I would use to describe Moses, and meek is not among them. Authoritarian, dictator, tyrant, despot. I might use those words. But certainly not meek. Also, he's the author, mind, and clearly not a reliable narrator.
God humours them a bit and tells them to come to the temple. He tells them if they have a prophet, he'll speak to him in a vision. He says he speaks face to face with Moses, and asks why they weren't afraid to criticize him. God gets angry and leaves, but not before cursing Miriam with a disease that turns her skin white. Aaron diagnoses leprosy. He begs Moses' forgiveness and asks him to heal her. Moses in turn asks god, who tells him to exile her for seven days, delaying the trip to Paran.
Now, why doesn't Aaron get punished? He also escaped scot-free from the golden calf incident. And also, in Exodus 34, god forbids intermarriage, so why is Moses allowed to do it?
Chapter 13
God tells Moses to send someone from each tribe to spy on Canaan. They're to report on the people, arable land and natural resources. He also tells them to steal grapes if possible. They go and find the children of Anak, or the Nephilim, the children of angels and earthly women, who are giants. This was mentioned in Genesis, and was part of the reason for the flood, which nothing but what Noah had on the ark is supposed to have survived, but of course Jerry glosses over that fact. They also bring back a grape vine so big it takes two of them to carry it, as well as some other fruit.
They come back 40 days later and report that it is indeed a land of milk and honey, but the people are strong and live in fortified cities. Caleb wants to attack right away. The others are reluctant, and report that the land is full of giants and there have been many wars over the bountiful soil. You're telling me.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Exodus, Chapters 14 & 15
The parting of the Red Sea, which is both a miracle and a mass killing.
Chapter 14
God comes to Moses and tells him to go along the red sea, so that Pharaoh will think they have no escape route. Then he's going to harden Pharaoh's heart again, so that Pharaoh and the other Egyptians will know that he is god. Does anyone think god might be trying just a little too hard, here?
So Pharaoh gathers up all his chariots and chases after them, and catches up to them on the shores of the sea. The Israelites see them and are afraid, and ask Moses why he's taken them out to die in the wilderness, and whine that they'd rather be Egyptian slaves. Moses promises that god is going to help them see the last of the Egyptians.
God tells Moses to stretch his rod out over the sea and divide it, then cross over. He'll send the Egyptians after them, and he will kill them all to increase his honor (v.17) and convince them he is god. He then moves the pilar of clouds from the last chapter so it's behind them. Now the Egyptians can't see in front of them, but the Israelites can.
Moses does as he's told and a wind comes up and parts the sea. The Israelites cross over. The Egyptians pursue them. God confuses their general, then causes the wheels to fall off. The Egyptians realise this is the hand of god and try to flee. God tells Moses to stretch his hand out over the sea and close it over the Egyptians. Moses does so and they all drown. The Israelites walk through the sea and see the Egyptians washed up on the shore, and they become believers in god and Moses.
Jerry is too busy giving a lecture on chariot construction to give us any indication of why this story is somehow a moral lesson. He only acknowledges that the parting of the sea is 'supernatural', his word for 'magic when the good guys do it.'
So here are my thoughts: this is a god who turns his people into believers through controlling others and causing fear in the hearts of his followers by killing non-believers in mass numbers. It's certainly a twist. Most leaders who rule by fear do so by killing from within. I'm also troubled by Moses. Sure, he isn't the actual murderer, but his actions lead directly to suffering and death over and over again, and he has no qualms about any of it.
Chapter 15
The Israelites, in an early display of mass games (yes, I am feeling extremely caustic today), sing the praises of god for freeing them from the Egyptians and drowning them all. We get a promise of more fear and dread (v. 16) when they finally get to Canaan.
Miriam, Moses and Aaron's sister, leads the women in an answering dance.
After the party, the Israelites go into the wilderness until they come to Marah, where they can't find anything to drink. They immediately start to grumble about Moses. Moses takes it up with god, who plants a tree in the waters that turns them sweet. God promises that if they listen to him and do what he says and follow all his commandments and laws, he won't do to them what he did to the Egyptians. Oh, man, if I had a nickel for every person who's fallen for that ruse!
Finally, they arrive at the oasis of Elim.
Chapter 14
God comes to Moses and tells him to go along the red sea, so that Pharaoh will think they have no escape route. Then he's going to harden Pharaoh's heart again, so that Pharaoh and the other Egyptians will know that he is god. Does anyone think god might be trying just a little too hard, here?
So Pharaoh gathers up all his chariots and chases after them, and catches up to them on the shores of the sea. The Israelites see them and are afraid, and ask Moses why he's taken them out to die in the wilderness, and whine that they'd rather be Egyptian slaves. Moses promises that god is going to help them see the last of the Egyptians.
God tells Moses to stretch his rod out over the sea and divide it, then cross over. He'll send the Egyptians after them, and he will kill them all to increase his honor (v.17) and convince them he is god. He then moves the pilar of clouds from the last chapter so it's behind them. Now the Egyptians can't see in front of them, but the Israelites can.
Moses does as he's told and a wind comes up and parts the sea. The Israelites cross over. The Egyptians pursue them. God confuses their general, then causes the wheels to fall off. The Egyptians realise this is the hand of god and try to flee. God tells Moses to stretch his hand out over the sea and close it over the Egyptians. Moses does so and they all drown. The Israelites walk through the sea and see the Egyptians washed up on the shore, and they become believers in god and Moses.
Jerry is too busy giving a lecture on chariot construction to give us any indication of why this story is somehow a moral lesson. He only acknowledges that the parting of the sea is 'supernatural', his word for 'magic when the good guys do it.'
So here are my thoughts: this is a god who turns his people into believers through controlling others and causing fear in the hearts of his followers by killing non-believers in mass numbers. It's certainly a twist. Most leaders who rule by fear do so by killing from within. I'm also troubled by Moses. Sure, he isn't the actual murderer, but his actions lead directly to suffering and death over and over again, and he has no qualms about any of it.
Chapter 15
The Israelites, in an early display of mass games (yes, I am feeling extremely caustic today), sing the praises of god for freeing them from the Egyptians and drowning them all. We get a promise of more fear and dread (v. 16) when they finally get to Canaan.
Miriam, Moses and Aaron's sister, leads the women in an answering dance.
After the party, the Israelites go into the wilderness until they come to Marah, where they can't find anything to drink. They immediately start to grumble about Moses. Moses takes it up with god, who plants a tree in the waters that turns them sweet. God promises that if they listen to him and do what he says and follow all his commandments and laws, he won't do to them what he did to the Egyptians. Oh, man, if I had a nickel for every person who's fallen for that ruse!
Finally, they arrive at the oasis of Elim.
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