Saturday, February 22, 2014

2 Esdras, Chapters 8 & 9: Pregnancy according to men

Chapter 8

The angel tells Esdras that not many people will make it into heaven. Esdras wants to know how corrupt people live, and also, how god could have made them. Then he mansplains pregnancy for us: namely, god makes it all happen, and god can destroy the resulting baby if he sees fit.

Next he tells us that he's in mourning for Israel, and then he starts praying that god will overlook our sins and see our good deeds. God promises to take these things into account when he destroys the world.

Chapter 9

The angel promises that when the end of days arrives, the faithful will be spared all the evil shit god is planning to unleash on the world. Unbelievers will die in pain. Then they tell each other a bunch of metaphors for how few righteous people there are compared to the vast numbers of unrighteous. They reminisce about the old days, when everyone was obedient, not like today when the kids don't want to listen to anybody.

Then the angel tells Esdras he can stop fasting, but question time is over for the rest of the week, but he can only eat flowers picked in fields with no houses in them, and pray. So he does, and after 7 days he lays down and pouts. Eventually he starts talking to god about how the ancestors weren't faithful and they were punished.

When he pauses for breath, he looks over and sees a woman in mourning. He asks her why she's crying and, clearly not knowing who she's talking to, she tells him to leave her alone so she can cry in peace. Of course he insists on knowing what the matter is, and she says she's infertile even though she's been married for 30 years and she prays constantly to god. Methinks I understand the problem here. But finally, she and her husband figured it out and had a son and when it was time for him to find a wife, she and her husband had a feast.

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