Revelation, Chapters 17 & 18: Dream Girls

Chapter 17

One of the seven angels tells John to follow him if he wants to see the fate of a whore ) who sitteth upon many waters (v. 1) and who has been fornicating with kings. The people have got drunk off the wine of her fornication, whatever that means. So John follows the angel into the wilderness, where they find a chick sitting on a red beast with the usual seven heads and ten horns, because heaven forbid we should learn a new number. Anyway, the woman is dressed in scarlet and purple and dripping with jewels and drinking from a cup  full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication (v. 4) and again, how is that possible and how does it taste? Like so many other people in this book, she also has a face tattoo which reads: MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH (v. 5). She's also drunk, though not on the usual stuff, but on the blood of saints and martyrs. John is oddly fascinated because who wouldn't be? 

The angel asks him why he's interested and promises to tell him the story. The beast used to exist, but currently doesn't, but will eventually come out of hell and go to its destruction. People whose names were not written in the book of life (v. 8) before the world's creation will be amazed. The seven heads represent the seven mountains and kings the woman rules over. Five of those kings are dead, one is alive, and one is on the way, but will only rule for a bit. The beast is also a king and will likewise be destroyed. The ten horns represent future kings who will meet with the beast, then rule for about an hour. They will have a hive mind and will give their power to the beast, which it will use to fight the Jesuslamb, but it will lose. The water the whore was sitting in represents the people of the earth. The horny kings like the beast but hate the whore, so they'll strip her naked, eat her flesh, and burn her. This is all god's plan. Oh, and the woman isn't really a woman, she's Babylon, though that doesn't really explain whether the kings are cannibals or not.

Chapter 18

Yet another angel flies down to earth, shrieking about the defeat of Babylon and telling us every king on earth has fornicated with a city. Another voice invites the believers to leave the city before the plagues start. They will include death, famine and fires, all within 24 hours. The kings will miss her, but like all men who fuck then discard women, they'll say it's her fault. The merchants will weep because no one will buy the expensive, tacky crap they imported from her, but I can't feel too sorry for them, because in my experience there is always a market for expensive, tacky, crap. All the shipmasters and sailors who imported the crap will also wail and throw dust on themselves. But heaven, heaven will be happy about the destruction of an economy because God hath avenged you on her (v. 20). An angel casts a rock into the sea and compares it to Babylon because both will disappear completely.