Monday, November 26, 2012

1 Corinthians, Chapters 15 & 16: Zombie Apocalypse

Chapter 15

You'll go to heaven if you can just keep the following facts straight in your head: Jesus died for our sins, Simon Peter/Peter/Cephas saw him 3 days later, as did the apostles and 500 other people who are mostly still alive, then James, then finally Paul, who humble-brags that he isn't worthy of being an apostle, but works harder than any of them.So you should believe what he preaches.

Now, some questions: how can people think Jesus didn't rise from the dead, even though Paul has said it happened? Because if it doesn't happen, Paul & co are liars and we're all still sinners. Yup. But don't worry your pretty little heads, dearies, Paul can assure you that Jesus did die and rise from the dead, and just like Adam brought death to the world, Jesus will bring eternal life again when he comes back. Someday. Then there will be an apocalypse, where Jesus will vanquish all of his enemies, including death.

Have you heard those creepy stories about Mormons constantly baptising Anne Frank? Verse 29: Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead? sure makes it sound like the early christians did it, too. 

Another question: Why do christians risk their lives every day? For preaching the gospel. Also, Paul claims to have fought wild beasts in Ephesus, so why can't we hear that story? Then he says something that I did not know was biblical: let us eat and drink; for to morrow we die (v. 32).

Next we're told that evil makes us rude. Then another question: how are the dead raised? and whose body are they using? But Paul has a very biologically sound answer for us: seeds are dead, and we don't know what they'll grow up as, because god decides. Also, there are three kinds of flesh: animal, human and fish. Creationists have a field day with that one. Anyway, human bodies that die and are resurrected as spiritual bodies are uncorrupted. Somehow, this means that Adam gave us flesh but Christ will give us spiritual bodies and we'll all look like him.

A few words about heaven: you can't go there alive, but you won't die, you'll just change.

Chapter 16

A bit about church collections for the poor: save some each week so that Paul doesn't have to gather it when he arrives. He'll send their approved messengers to Jerusalem with the money. He might also go back with them, his plans are flexible.

He'll also go to Macedonia, but he'll spend winter in Corinth, at the very least. Then he might go to Ephesus for spring, just in case there's some animal wrestling to be done.

Timothy might come instead of Paul, so they shouldn't hurt him. Paul wanted Apollos to come, but he couldn't fit it into his calendar. He promises to come later. Some advice: be faithful and loving. He thanks his helpers, sends out some props, and signs off.

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