John, Chapter 20: Girls have cooties

Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb and finds the stone is missing and the tomb empty. She runs off to find Simon Peter and tell him that Jesus' body is missing. Simon Peter finds another disciple and together they go to check on Mary's story. They, too, find nothing inside but a burial shroud. Apparently they haven't figured out yet that he must rise again from the dead (v. 9). Not knowing what else to do, the disciples go home.


Mary stays outside the tomb weeping. She peers inside again and suddenly there are two white-robed angels sitting on the floor. They ask her why she's crying and she explains how Jesus is dead and all and it's totally bumming her out. She turns around and Jesus is there, but she doesn't recognise him. In fact, she thinks he's the gardner and he moved the body. She asks for it back. Then he says her name and she gets it and calls him Master. 


She must make a move to hug him or something, because Jesus tells her not to touch him because he hasn't ascended yet and cooties might stop the process. She goes off again to tell the disciples what she's seen. 


That night, the disciples have gathered in a locked house (fear of their fellow Jews, natch) when Jesus appears and greets them. They don't believe him until he shows them his hands and side, which haven't healed, which kinda makes him a zombie, no? He says he's leaving, but the holy ghost is on its way and to carry on with his work. 


Thomas, or Didymus if you're nasty, is away at the time Jesus shows up and therefore doesn't believe the others when they tell him the story. He says he needs to touch the actual injuries to believe it. Eight days later, Jesus shows up again. This time Thomas is there, and he invites him to poke around in his festering wounds. Jesus remarks that though Thomas insisted on seeing to believe, people who just accept wild tales of death and resurrection without question are the really blessed folks. He also gives them some other signs, but we aren't privy to them. John swears there's another book out there somewhere, he just didn't include everything.