Not getting into heaven: braggarts, which is fine, because they're boring. Also, people who pray in public. Surely there's an exception for Tebowing though! In fact, Jesus instructs us when thou prayest, enter into thy closet (v. 6), which gives a delightful new meaning to the expression that I am so going to use the next time I meet an anti-gay Christian, of which there are fortunately very few in Europe.
Anyway, people who pray for too long will not get extra rewards. Amen. And I mean that sincerely. Then he recites the Lord's Prayer, or at least a version of it. We're told not to look sad while fasting, which just strikes me as unreasonable. He reminds us that we can't take it with us and tells us we can't love two masters. He's talking about gods here, but he could just as easily be talking about bosses.
Jesus then makes the absurd claim that swallows don't work, god feeds them. Jerry Falwell seems to think it means we don't have to worry about using up the earth's resources, because god will take care of us. God that country sucks sometimes.
He also tells us not to worry about clothing ourselves and says to Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin (v. 28). I did not know that was biblical. Anyway, he says not even king Solomon was as pretty as a lily, though I bet ole Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat were. Then he tells us not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.
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