No wonder nobody actually slogs through this entire book anymore. The first 9 chapters of 1 Chronicles are an endless series of genealogies linking Adam to king David, and, as Jerry Falwell helpfully points out, to Jesus.
Chapter 1
The one highlight comes in verse 19: And unto Eber were born two sons: the name of the one was Peleg; because in his days the earth was divided: and his brother's name was Joktan. is often cited by creationists as evidence of continental drift. Unfortunately, Jerry, for all that he was so anti-evolution in Genesis, does not seem to adhere to that argument, because he doesn't even mention it.
Chapter 2
Achar, grandson of Judah, transgressed in the thing accursed (v. 7), which apparantly means he plundered the temple. Not that we ever heard that story. In verse 33, someone names a child Zaza. Better than Dazzling, I suppose. In verses 34 and 35, a man with no sons mates his daughter to one of his slaves, then takes the resulting boy. Father of the year, that one.
Showing posts with label creation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creation. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Genesis Chapter 3
Eve is tempted, she then tempts Adam, they hide from God, and are booted out of the garden. In 24 short verses. Wow. Paradise Lost retells these same 3 chapters in 400 pages.
Love how Adam immediately rats Eve out when God sees they're hiding and nekkid, and doesn't even mention the serpent. Oh, and how suddenly she isn't his wife anymore, but the woman whom thou gavest like when Tom doesn't want to deal with the litter box so he'll say, 'Your cat did something.' And I love how Jerry's footnotes to verse 12 (And the man said, 'The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat) is, 'Adam blamed the woman and God, since God was the one who brought her to Adam. And then is footnote to verse 13 (And the Lord God said unto the woman, what is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, 'The serpent beguiled me and I did eat') is 'Eve did not take responsibility for eating, either. Blame-shifting is another evasive tactic employed by the fallen man.'
I also love how all throughout this chapter, and actually in the first two as well, the number of gods is just all over the map. In both 1:26 (And God said, let us make man in our image) and 3:22 (Behold, the man is become as one of us), god is plural, but in 3:12 (I commanded), 3:15 (I will put enmity) 3:16 (I will greatly multiply they sorrow), well, you get the picture, there is only one. Of course, Jerry ignores that little contradiction. Polytheism is just too much to deal with when you've got to scour the book for reasons to condemn homosexuals and 'prove' evolution is a lie.
Finally, I've always wondered about these little 'tests' that god is always setting up for man in the Old Testament. Like 'Oh, I'll just put this tree here for no particular reason, then tell you not to eat any of its fruit, then act all offended when you do.' The New Yorker ran an article this year about an experiment in which little kids were sat at a table in front of a marshmallow, and told they could eat it now, or wait 15 minutes, then get two. Then the experimenter left the room and went behind a one-way mirror to see what the kids would do. Most of them caved in 3 minutes. Kinda like Eve here. So there you go: the bible might not have much insight as to evolution, but it's spot-on about human behaviour.
Love how Adam immediately rats Eve out when God sees they're hiding and nekkid, and doesn't even mention the serpent. Oh, and how suddenly she isn't his wife anymore, but the woman whom thou gavest like when Tom doesn't want to deal with the litter box so he'll say, 'Your cat did something.' And I love how Jerry's footnotes to verse 12 (And the man said, 'The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat) is, 'Adam blamed the woman and God, since God was the one who brought her to Adam. And then is footnote to verse 13 (And the Lord God said unto the woman, what is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, 'The serpent beguiled me and I did eat') is 'Eve did not take responsibility for eating, either. Blame-shifting is another evasive tactic employed by the fallen man.'
I also love how all throughout this chapter, and actually in the first two as well, the number of gods is just all over the map. In both 1:26 (And God said, let us make man in our image) and 3:22 (Behold, the man is become as one of us), god is plural, but in 3:12 (I commanded), 3:15 (I will put enmity) 3:16 (I will greatly multiply they sorrow), well, you get the picture, there is only one. Of course, Jerry ignores that little contradiction. Polytheism is just too much to deal with when you've got to scour the book for reasons to condemn homosexuals and 'prove' evolution is a lie.
Finally, I've always wondered about these little 'tests' that god is always setting up for man in the Old Testament. Like 'Oh, I'll just put this tree here for no particular reason, then tell you not to eat any of its fruit, then act all offended when you do.' The New Yorker ran an article this year about an experiment in which little kids were sat at a table in front of a marshmallow, and told they could eat it now, or wait 15 minutes, then get two. Then the experimenter left the room and went behind a one-way mirror to see what the kids would do. Most of them caved in 3 minutes. Kinda like Eve here. So there you go: the bible might not have much insight as to evolution, but it's spot-on about human behaviour.
Genesis Chapters 1 & 2
Chapter 1, Verse 1 of the book of Genesis: In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. A fairly standard opening. Here is Jerry's note to that:
Creation marks the absolute beginning of the temporal and material world. The traditional Jewish and Christian belief is that Genesis 1:1 declares that God created the original heaven and earth from nothing and that verse 2 clarifies that when it came from the Creator's hand, the mass was 'without form, and void,' unformed and without any life. The rest of the chapter then explains the process of Creation in detail. There is no evidence in the Hebrew text for long ages of evolutionary development or a gap of times int he Old Testament.
... sound of crickets chirping...
Ooookay then Good thing I have Landover Baptist, who also and The Skeptic's Annotated Bible.
Without further ado, Genesis 1:
Well, Ricky Gervais does it far better than I ever could.
To me, this seems like a pretty straightforward creation myth, not that different from any other. Of course, Jerry goes nuts, pointing out that plants and fruits are created in verse 11 whereas sea life doesn't emerge until verse 20, so therefore everything Charles Darwin says is an outright lie. He also glosses over the fact that men and women are created at the same time in this particular chapter.
Genesis 2:
Jerry ignores the fact that this is a completely different creation myth. In chapter 1, the order goes: plants, animals, man (and woman). In the second, it goes: man, plants, animals, woman. He also fails to address the fact that Eve was created because Adam couldn't find a suitable help meet among the animals. No, what he mostly wants to focus on is exhorting people to form good Christian marriages, where women are equal to men at the same time as they are inferior, since Adam naming Woman is a sign of his dominion over her. Good luck, ladies!
Creation marks the absolute beginning of the temporal and material world. The traditional Jewish and Christian belief is that Genesis 1:1 declares that God created the original heaven and earth from nothing and that verse 2 clarifies that when it came from the Creator's hand, the mass was 'without form, and void,' unformed and without any life. The rest of the chapter then explains the process of Creation in detail. There is no evidence in the Hebrew text for long ages of evolutionary development or a gap of times int he Old Testament.
... sound of crickets chirping...
Ooookay then Good thing I have Landover Baptist, who also and The Skeptic's Annotated Bible.
Without further ado, Genesis 1:
Well, Ricky Gervais does it far better than I ever could.
To me, this seems like a pretty straightforward creation myth, not that different from any other. Of course, Jerry goes nuts, pointing out that plants and fruits are created in verse 11 whereas sea life doesn't emerge until verse 20, so therefore everything Charles Darwin says is an outright lie. He also glosses over the fact that men and women are created at the same time in this particular chapter.
Genesis 2:
Jerry ignores the fact that this is a completely different creation myth. In chapter 1, the order goes: plants, animals, man (and woman). In the second, it goes: man, plants, animals, woman. He also fails to address the fact that Eve was created because Adam couldn't find a suitable help meet among the animals. No, what he mostly wants to focus on is exhorting people to form good Christian marriages, where women are equal to men at the same time as they are inferior, since Adam naming Woman is a sign of his dominion over her. Good luck, ladies!
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