John, Chapter 7: Pissing like a race horse

Jesus leaves for the Galilee because it's part of Judea and the Jews want to kill him. Oh yeah. John is kind of an anti-Semite. Now it's Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles. All I know about the holiday comes from watching Ushpizin, which is a great film if you can find it. Jesus' companions urge him to go to Judea and reveal himself to the world, but he claims the time isn't right, and besides, nobody there likes him. But as soon as they leave, he follows them in secret. At the feast, people wonder at his absence. Some of them support him, others do not, but no one will say anything overtly about him for fear of the Jews (v. 13). Thanks for the next 2000 years, John. Mid-feast, Jesus makes his appearance at the temple and starts teaching. The people marvel, because he's illiterate. Jesus says that his readings are divinely inspired. Yuh-huh. Just like Joseph Smith and Mohammed. He urges them to stop sinning, follow the doctrine, and for god's sake, stop trying to kill him. They call him crazy and ask who's trying to kill him. He says it's because he healed that guy on the sabbath several chapters ago, even though they perform circumcisions on the sabbath. A couple of people from Jerusalem recognise him, and wonder if the leaders know he's the Christ. They also think he can't be the Messiah, because the Messiah is supposed to just appear out of nowhere, and they know where Jesus is from. Jesus says they're half right: they know where he came from, but they don't know god. They try to grab him, but can't because it's not the hour of death quite yet. This increases the number of believers and irks the Pharisees, who join the group baying for his head. Jesus taunts them that he's not long for this world, and then he's going somewhere they won't be able to follow. They mull that one over for awhile. On the last day of the feast, Jesus stands up and says if anyone else is thirsty, they should come and see him, then promises He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (v. 38) Did he invent the Porta Potty? No, apparently he is promising the Holy Spirit, which hasn't arrived yet, as Jesus is still alive. Whatever he's saying, it causes more people to believe in him. Others remain skeptical, pointing out that the Christ is supposed to come out of Bethlehem, not the Galilee. This divides the people, some of whom want to arrest him. However, they don't, which irritates the Pharisees when they arrive with reinforcements. The local police are kind of awed into submission. The Pharisees point out that neither they nor the head priests believe in Jesus, just this rabble. Nicodemus points out that they should at least try Jesus and not rush to judgement. The Pharisees sarcastically ask if he's also from the Galilee, and point out that no prophets are prophesied to come out of the Galilee. Everyone retreats, sulkily, into his own house.