Psalm 101
Like many a kid hoping for a puppy for Christmas, Asaph promises to be reallysupergood if god will only talk to him. He won't look at wicked things, talk to wicked people, slanderers or the proud. He'll kick anyone who isn't righteous out of his house and slay all the evil-doers in the land. Sounds awfully boring and gory.
Psalm 102
Asaph compares his loneliness to that of pelicans, owls and sparrows and admits to eating ashes and drinking his own tears. Methinks we know why he's so lonely. Anyway, his life sucks because god is ignoring him.
Psalm 103
Asaph thanks god for curing diseases, being so slow to anger and so merciful. Um, I'm not sure he's read the rest of this book. Like the time God makes the entire nation of Israel walk around in the desert for 40 years because Moses hit a rock wrong, or when he sends them poison birds after they complain about not having enough meat. That god? Was pretty quick to anger and unmerciful. Of course all of this is only true for people who fear god, so maybe he has picked up on some of it.
Psalm 104
This one is a biggie in the whole scientists vs. the willfully ignorant permanent state of culture war we seem to have going on these days. It tells us about how god hung the heavens like a curtain, fixed the earth in place and once flooded the whole thing in a tantrum, but then got over it and put the water back in it's place. God also takes care of animals, providing food and drink for livestock and homes for birds, goats and rock badgers. To humans he gives wine, oil and bread. He made night so forest creatures could hunt, like lions, which to the best of my knowledge are diurnal, but whatevs (and which would seem to contradict the claims of literalists that, before the flood, all animals were vegetarians, since night existed then, too.)
Anyway, god made the seas and the whales and make sure everybody has something to eat.
But when god turns his face away from all the creatures great and small, they die. He also tells them when to reproduce.
Of course this almost-sweet nature prayer has to end with a request to kill all the sinners in an earthquake.
Psalm 105
This Psalm is a retelling of the events of Genesis and Exodus.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Pslams 96-100
Psalm 96
Sing! Sing out loud! Sing out proud! Sing out free! About how afraid you are of god. Because he's coming to judge us all.
Psalm 97
Today, god is surrounded by dark clouds that send out fire to burn up his enemies.
Psalm98
Blah blah blah. Sing and be judged.
Psalm 99
Worship god because he's holy. Or is he holy because we worship him?
Psalm 100
Seriously. There are 50 more of these. Worship god because he made you.
Sing! Sing out loud! Sing out proud! Sing out free! About how afraid you are of god. Because he's coming to judge us all.
Psalm 97
Today, god is surrounded by dark clouds that send out fire to burn up his enemies.
Psalm98
Blah blah blah. Sing and be judged.
Psalm 99
Worship god because he's holy. Or is he holy because we worship him?
Psalm 100
Seriously. There are 50 more of these. Worship god because he made you.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Psalms 91-95: This is the psalm that never ends
Psalm 91
God protects us from snares, arrows, plagues, lions, adders and dragons. Even though the people all around you may be dying, god will protect you. Somehow this psalm reminds me of Kipling's If even though they aren't very similar.
Psalm 92
This psalm, like most of them, starts off sweetly, telling us we should praise god by singing and dancing. But then, like most of them, it goes off the rails around verse 10 as the psalmist starts cursing non-believers and wishing death on them in unspecified ways. Then he turns it back to all the ways he'll be exalted: god will make his, um, horn straight, he'll have children even in old age and he'll get to see his enemies suffer.
Psalm 93
God fixed the world in place and is mightier than the sea. Whoo-hoo?
Psalm 94
Rather than start off nicely, this one gets right into the vengeance from the first verse. Among the things his enemies do: boast, kill widows, orphans and foreigners and claim that god can't see or hear it. But the joke is on them! God made eyes and ears, so of course he knows what people do! And he'll punish them.
Psalm 95
Asaph manages to stay positive for the entire 11 verses of this psalm, urging us all to go out in the fields and sing and dance our praise to god.
God protects us from snares, arrows, plagues, lions, adders and dragons. Even though the people all around you may be dying, god will protect you. Somehow this psalm reminds me of Kipling's If even though they aren't very similar.
Psalm 92
This psalm, like most of them, starts off sweetly, telling us we should praise god by singing and dancing. But then, like most of them, it goes off the rails around verse 10 as the psalmist starts cursing non-believers and wishing death on them in unspecified ways. Then he turns it back to all the ways he'll be exalted: god will make his, um, horn straight, he'll have children even in old age and he'll get to see his enemies suffer.
Psalm 93
God fixed the world in place and is mightier than the sea. Whoo-hoo?
Psalm 94
Rather than start off nicely, this one gets right into the vengeance from the first verse. Among the things his enemies do: boast, kill widows, orphans and foreigners and claim that god can't see or hear it. But the joke is on them! God made eyes and ears, so of course he knows what people do! And he'll punish them.
Psalm 95
Asaph manages to stay positive for the entire 11 verses of this psalm, urging us all to go out in the fields and sing and dance our praise to god.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Psalms 86-90: The silent treatment continues
Psalm 86
Praise praise praise. Also, Asaph wants to change his Facebook status to 'in a relationship' so his enemies will believe him.
Psalm 87
Praise for Zion and people who were born there. What happens if you immigrated?
Psalm 88
Asaph gets more dramatic in his pleas to god to stop ignoring him, comparing the feeling to being in a grave. Also, his friends aren't returning his calls. He asks if god performs miracles to impress the dead (I sincerely hope not) and reminds god that he prays every morning. Then to end things, he circles back to the beginning, whining about how sick god's silence makes him.
Psalm 89
A reminder that god promised to make David's line kings, followed by praise of all his other works, namely beating up his enemies and/or inflicting them with plague. However, if any of his descendants don't keep the covenant, he'll also beat them.
Then Asaph starts reproaching god for breaking the covenant himself, but it's all a tactic to get god to respond, which doesn't work.
Psalm 90
Ooh, this is the Psalm where that whole The days of our years are threescore years and ten (v. 10) comes from! Although the same verse promises that we can have an extra ten years if we're particularly healthy. I intend to live to be at least 120, though reading this book makes me want to quit. Anyway all the rest is asking when exactly god plans to start talking to his followers again.
Praise praise praise. Also, Asaph wants to change his Facebook status to 'in a relationship' so his enemies will believe him.
Psalm 87
Praise for Zion and people who were born there. What happens if you immigrated?
Psalm 88
Asaph gets more dramatic in his pleas to god to stop ignoring him, comparing the feeling to being in a grave. Also, his friends aren't returning his calls. He asks if god performs miracles to impress the dead (I sincerely hope not) and reminds god that he prays every morning. Then to end things, he circles back to the beginning, whining about how sick god's silence makes him.
Psalm 89
A reminder that god promised to make David's line kings, followed by praise of all his other works, namely beating up his enemies and/or inflicting them with plague. However, if any of his descendants don't keep the covenant, he'll also beat them.
Then Asaph starts reproaching god for breaking the covenant himself, but it's all a tactic to get god to respond, which doesn't work.
Psalm 90
Ooh, this is the Psalm where that whole The days of our years are threescore years and ten (v. 10) comes from! Although the same verse promises that we can have an extra ten years if we're particularly healthy. I intend to live to be at least 120, though reading this book makes me want to quit. Anyway all the rest is asking when exactly god plans to start talking to his followers again.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Psalms 81-85: Stalking god through the Psalms
Psalm 81
It's a feast day, so everybody should eat, drink and be merry whilst remembering the awful, awful consequences of not loving god enough.
Psalm 82
God reminds us that he won't let us into heaven until we've helped orphans and poor people. But why are they poor god? Huh?
Psalm 83
The enemies are at the gate, so Asaph prays to god to do unto them as he has done to many of Israel's past enemies.
Psalm 84
Asaph loves church/synagogue/temple, whatever it is that they're calling it these days. He'd take any job there, including doorman, just so he could spend more time with god.
Psalm 85
Asaph wonders, not for the first time, how long god is going to keep giving him the silent treatment. And not for the first time, he fails to get an answer.
It's a feast day, so everybody should eat, drink and be merry whilst remembering the awful, awful consequences of not loving god enough.
Psalm 82
God reminds us that he won't let us into heaven until we've helped orphans and poor people. But why are they poor god? Huh?
Psalm 83
The enemies are at the gate, so Asaph prays to god to do unto them as he has done to many of Israel's past enemies.
Psalm 84
Asaph loves church/synagogue/temple, whatever it is that they're calling it these days. He'd take any job there, including doorman, just so he could spend more time with god.
Psalm 85
Asaph wonders, not for the first time, how long god is going to keep giving him the silent treatment. And not for the first time, he fails to get an answer.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Psalms 76-80
Yes! I've officially passed the halfway mark!
Psalm 76
God is awesome because he kills horses and smashes chariots. 10 to 14 year old girls everywhere vow to take up Buddhism instead.
Psalm 77
Asaph can't sleep because he keeps replaying past events in his mind. I can so identify. What specifically is he remembering? The times when god used to communicate. He hasn't been around for awhile and Asaph sits up at night hoping he'll come back, like a wife waiting for her philandering husband.
Psalm 78
Some things never change. Asaph says of the youth of his day a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God (v. 8), They kept not the covenant of God, and refused to walk in his law; and forgat his works, and his wonders that he had shewed them (v. 10 & 11).
Then he rehashes the events of Exodus through Numbers and the Samuels.
Psalm 79
Asaph is sick and tired of being punished and asks god to pour his wrath out on some heathens or something. Also, he asks for clemency for death-row inmates, though at the same time he asks for seven-fold revenge on his enemies.
Psalm 80
Asaph compares the Israelites to a tree and god to a clumsy gardner who trims the hedges so low that passing vagabonds can pick the fruit. But rather than advertising for a new gardner, Asaph foolishly wants god to come back and fix his shoddy work.
Psalm 76
God is awesome because he kills horses and smashes chariots. 10 to 14 year old girls everywhere vow to take up Buddhism instead.
Psalm 77
Asaph can't sleep because he keeps replaying past events in his mind. I can so identify. What specifically is he remembering? The times when god used to communicate. He hasn't been around for awhile and Asaph sits up at night hoping he'll come back, like a wife waiting for her philandering husband.
Psalm 78
Some things never change. Asaph says of the youth of his day a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God (v. 8), They kept not the covenant of God, and refused to walk in his law; and forgat his works, and his wonders that he had shewed them (v. 10 & 11).
Then he rehashes the events of Exodus through Numbers and the Samuels.
Psalm 79
Asaph is sick and tired of being punished and asks god to pour his wrath out on some heathens or something. Also, he asks for clemency for death-row inmates, though at the same time he asks for seven-fold revenge on his enemies.
Psalm 80
Asaph compares the Israelites to a tree and god to a clumsy gardner who trims the hedges so low that passing vagabonds can pick the fruit. But rather than advertising for a new gardner, Asaph foolishly wants god to come back and fix his shoddy work.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Psalms 71-75: Introducing Asaph the angry ant
Psalm 71
It's still David talking for now, whining about how he hit the 'Like' button on God's Facebook page the minute he came out of the womb, so it's not fair of god to forget him now that he's old. Huh. I always thought it was only modern Western societies that ignored the decrepit. Who knew it had biblical roots?
Anyway, David talks a lot about how much he talks about god, which must be even more irritating than people who won't shut up about their preferred deity.
Psalm 72
Another Psalm asking god to bless the king so he canstrongarm them into belief praise him to the people. Also, that way the king will get more land and tributes from other kings and stuff, which I suspect is what David really wants out of this relationship.
Psalm 73
The beginning of Asaph's section. He starts off by admitting that he used to envy the wicked, because they die strong and firm, untroubled, healthy, proud, fat (in the days when being fat was a good thing) and rich. Um, what is so awesome about being righteous, again?
Anyway, Asaph is now questioning why he's spent all this time being Charlie Church and getting sick, until one day he saw that the wicked are actually in torment and the error of his ways.
Psalm 74
Now god is turning a blind eye to the fact that people are cutting up his temples with axes and setting them on fire. That's a pretty serious throw down, there. But no one has heard from him for awhile. Not since Exodus, really, when he was bashing dragons' and leviathans' heads together. But now Asaph calls on him to return and make his people unashamed of believing in him. Good luck with that.
Psalm 75
Asaph taunts the wicked, saying god will wring them out like the dregs in a glass of wine and cut off their horns.
It's still David talking for now, whining about how he hit the 'Like' button on God's Facebook page the minute he came out of the womb, so it's not fair of god to forget him now that he's old. Huh. I always thought it was only modern Western societies that ignored the decrepit. Who knew it had biblical roots?
Anyway, David talks a lot about how much he talks about god, which must be even more irritating than people who won't shut up about their preferred deity.
Psalm 72
Another Psalm asking god to bless the king so he can
Psalm 73
The beginning of Asaph's section. He starts off by admitting that he used to envy the wicked, because they die strong and firm, untroubled, healthy, proud, fat (in the days when being fat was a good thing) and rich. Um, what is so awesome about being righteous, again?
Anyway, Asaph is now questioning why he's spent all this time being Charlie Church and getting sick, until one day he saw that the wicked are actually in torment and the error of his ways.
Psalm 74
Now god is turning a blind eye to the fact that people are cutting up his temples with axes and setting them on fire. That's a pretty serious throw down, there. But no one has heard from him for awhile. Not since Exodus, really, when he was bashing dragons' and leviathans' heads together. But now Asaph calls on him to return and make his people unashamed of believing in him. Good luck with that.
Psalm 75
Asaph taunts the wicked, saying god will wring them out like the dregs in a glass of wine and cut off their horns.
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