Chapter 8
Ezra reads the Torah out loud. That must have been a thrilling morning. Then they realise it's Succor, so they set to work sacrificing animals, giving the meat away to the poor, and building shelters, which they haven't done since the days of Jeshua. A long time, in other words.
Chapter 9
A few days later, it's time for another party. A costume party. They all dress up in sackcloth, fast, confess their sins, read the Torah, and confess their sins. Your average self-criticism session, in other words. Then they recap everything that has happened since Abraham.
Chapter 10
The Israelites make a vow not to intermarry, to keep the sabbath and to tithe.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Nehemiah, Chapters 5-7
Chapter 5
There's a famine and some of the rich Jews are taking advantage of the poorer residents, buying up the corn and land and even their children as slaves. Nehemiah accuses them of usury and they don't have a defense for themselves.
He orders them to return all the stuff they bought and the money and they do, ashamed. They appoint him governor, and he's so uncorrupt he doesn't take a salary. Nope, he mostly wants to finish the wall.
Chapter 6
The three governors who have been harassing Nehemiah send letters requesting a meeting with him. When that doesn't work, they start antagonizing him overtly, accusing him of rebelling against Persian. They even send a mole to try and convince him to go into the inner sanctum of the temple, thus dirtying himself in the eyes of his people. Fortunately he perceives the ruse and refuses. Instead he redoubles his efforts on the damned wall, finishing it in 52 days. No wonder nobody actually reads this book.
Chapter 7
Nehemiah puts his brother in charge of security, then sets about numbering all the people he has locked inside. What follows is a long list of their names, similar to the one in Ezra. some people are so pedantic that they'll go all the way through both lists and point out all the contradictions. Others, let's call them literalists, are so pedantic they'll try to justify the contradictions. Personally, I like what Northup Frye had to say, that the authors of the bible didn't care about accuracy, they were telling a story.
There's a famine and some of the rich Jews are taking advantage of the poorer residents, buying up the corn and land and even their children as slaves. Nehemiah accuses them of usury and they don't have a defense for themselves.
He orders them to return all the stuff they bought and the money and they do, ashamed. They appoint him governor, and he's so uncorrupt he doesn't take a salary. Nope, he mostly wants to finish the wall.
Chapter 6
The three governors who have been harassing Nehemiah send letters requesting a meeting with him. When that doesn't work, they start antagonizing him overtly, accusing him of rebelling against Persian. They even send a mole to try and convince him to go into the inner sanctum of the temple, thus dirtying himself in the eyes of his people. Fortunately he perceives the ruse and refuses. Instead he redoubles his efforts on the damned wall, finishing it in 52 days. No wonder nobody actually reads this book.
Chapter 7
Nehemiah puts his brother in charge of security, then sets about numbering all the people he has locked inside. What follows is a long list of their names, similar to the one in Ezra. some people are so pedantic that they'll go all the way through both lists and point out all the contradictions. Others, let's call them literalists, are so pedantic they'll try to justify the contradictions. Personally, I like what Northup Frye had to say, that the authors of the bible didn't care about accuracy, they were telling a story.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Nehemiah, Chapters 1-4
Another case of the same story being told slightly different ways. Ezra tells the story of the rebuilding of Jerusalem from the point of view of the priests, Nehemiah is the same story from a political standpoint.
Chapter 1
Nehemiah finds out that the rebuilding of Jerusalem has been a disaster and the walls have been knocked down and the people enslaved. He cries and prays.
Chapter 2
The Persian king Artaxerxes notices Nehemiah's teary face and asks what's wrong. He explains about Jerusalem and the king agrees to let him go help with the rebuilding effort. He also gives him some letters to deliver, like an early pony express. He sneaks away from his escorts one night to survey the ruins, then cajoles the local leaders the next morning to rebuild the city. They laugh at him. Note that one of them is an Arab. Nehemiah's response: you have no claim on Jerusalem. Nothing new under the sun.
Chapter 3
The Israelites set to work rebuilding the walls. Even some of the women help. That's the whole chapter: a list of who repaired which section of wall. Scintillating.
Chapter 4
The governors mock the Jews and their walls, saying even a fox could break through. Ooh, nasty stuff! The Jews ignore them and join the wall up. That pisses them off and they conspire to attack. This causes the wall project to be suspended as so many workers are needed for guard duty. They never put on pajamas, even. They only take their clothes off to wash.
Chapter 1
Nehemiah finds out that the rebuilding of Jerusalem has been a disaster and the walls have been knocked down and the people enslaved. He cries and prays.
Chapter 2
The Persian king Artaxerxes notices Nehemiah's teary face and asks what's wrong. He explains about Jerusalem and the king agrees to let him go help with the rebuilding effort. He also gives him some letters to deliver, like an early pony express. He sneaks away from his escorts one night to survey the ruins, then cajoles the local leaders the next morning to rebuild the city. They laugh at him. Note that one of them is an Arab. Nehemiah's response: you have no claim on Jerusalem. Nothing new under the sun.
Chapter 3
The Israelites set to work rebuilding the walls. Even some of the women help. That's the whole chapter: a list of who repaired which section of wall. Scintillating.
Chapter 4
The governors mock the Jews and their walls, saying even a fox could break through. Ooh, nasty stuff! The Jews ignore them and join the wall up. That pisses them off and they conspire to attack. This causes the wall project to be suspended as so many workers are needed for guard duty. They never put on pajamas, even. They only take their clothes off to wash.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ezra, Chapters 8-10
Chapter 8
Ezra and his entourage of 1500 camp out and fast for three days while praying to god about whether they should accept protection from the Persians as they travel to Jerusalem. He smartly divides his gold stockpile up and gives some of it to the priests to bring to Jerusalem, then leaves himself, sans soldiers.
Chapter 9
The Israelites are still sinning! Now they've been polluting the blood with foreign wives and the priests and princes have been leading the charge! Ezra gets upset and prays to god for advice.
Chapter 10
The Israelites decide the best way to get back into god's good graces is to send their foreign wives away. So they call everybody to the temple, where they tell them to either send their wives away or be excommunicated. Would you worship a god that demanded that? But they agree to do it.
Ezra and his entourage of 1500 camp out and fast for three days while praying to god about whether they should accept protection from the Persians as they travel to Jerusalem. He smartly divides his gold stockpile up and gives some of it to the priests to bring to Jerusalem, then leaves himself, sans soldiers.
Chapter 9
The Israelites are still sinning! Now they've been polluting the blood with foreign wives and the priests and princes have been leading the charge! Ezra gets upset and prays to god for advice.
Chapter 10
The Israelites decide the best way to get back into god's good graces is to send their foreign wives away. So they call everybody to the temple, where they tell them to either send their wives away or be excommunicated. Would you worship a god that demanded that? But they agree to do it.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Ezra Chapters 5-7
Chapter 5
After a prayer the Israelites set to building the temple. Tatnai, the governor, asks for their permits and the names of the crew, but he's powerless to actually stop them until he gets a decision back from king Darius, because that's how hierarchal societies work, yo. He asks Darius to look up their claims that they have permission from Cyrus.
Chapter 6
Conveniently, Darius finds the decree by Cyrus and even the blueprints and orders Tatnai not only to let them build the temple, but to pay for it and food for the workers out of his treasury. He orders them to hang anyone who interferes.
Chapter 7
Finally we're introduced to Ezra, the supposed writer of this book. He comes to Jerusalem bearing a letter from the king asking him to scope out the situation and hand over a bunch of gold, silver andbarbecue sacrificial animals for the temple. It also orders anyone who meets him to give him anything he asks for, within reason and disallowing them to tax any temple workers. Ezra is to convert the people in Jerusalem and kill or banish those who refuse.
After a prayer the Israelites set to building the temple. Tatnai, the governor, asks for their permits and the names of the crew, but he's powerless to actually stop them until he gets a decision back from king Darius, because that's how hierarchal societies work, yo. He asks Darius to look up their claims that they have permission from Cyrus.
Chapter 6
Conveniently, Darius finds the decree by Cyrus and even the blueprints and orders Tatnai not only to let them build the temple, but to pay for it and food for the workers out of his treasury. He orders them to hang anyone who interferes.
Chapter 7
Finally we're introduced to Ezra, the supposed writer of this book. He comes to Jerusalem bearing a letter from the king asking him to scope out the situation and hand over a bunch of gold, silver and
Monday, November 8, 2010
Ezra, Chapters 1-4
Oh great, another two books that tell the exact same story. In this case, the return of the Israelites to their homeland after a year of exile in modern-day Iraq.
Chapter 1
God causes Cyrus, the king of Persia, who has just conquered Babylon, to decide to free the Israelites and let them rebuild the temple in Jerusalem. He also asks their neighbours to donate their old gold, silver, household goods and livestock to the Jews.
Chapter 2
An achingly boring list of all the families that went back to Jerusalem. They bring a choir of 200 and a bunch of livestock and treasure.
Chapter 3
The Israelites go back to Jerusalem, set up the temple, and immediately start barbecuing.
Chapter 4
The Israelites' old enemies approach them and say they've been worshipping god since they left, and they want to contribute to the temple. Jeshua, the new leader, rudely rebuffs them and, unsurprisingly, they start causing trouble. First, they bribe the officials to hold up the paperwork. Then, when that fails, they start petitioning the new king of Persia and all the other local kings to put a stop work order on the project. The gist of the letter: the Israelites are wicked and seditious, and if the king permits this building, they'll stop paying taxes. Wow, I'm surprised Pamela Gellar wasn't involved.
The king, no Michael Bloomburg, bless him, writes back and says, lo and behold, the Israelites are rebellious and seditious and he's going to stop all the permits for the temple. On receiving the response, the Syrians run right over to the temple work site and halt construction.
Chapter 1
God causes Cyrus, the king of Persia, who has just conquered Babylon, to decide to free the Israelites and let them rebuild the temple in Jerusalem. He also asks their neighbours to donate their old gold, silver, household goods and livestock to the Jews.
Chapter 2
An achingly boring list of all the families that went back to Jerusalem. They bring a choir of 200 and a bunch of livestock and treasure.
Chapter 3
The Israelites go back to Jerusalem, set up the temple, and immediately start barbecuing.
Chapter 4
The Israelites' old enemies approach them and say they've been worshipping god since they left, and they want to contribute to the temple. Jeshua, the new leader, rudely rebuffs them and, unsurprisingly, they start causing trouble. First, they bribe the officials to hold up the paperwork. Then, when that fails, they start petitioning the new king of Persia and all the other local kings to put a stop work order on the project. The gist of the letter: the Israelites are wicked and seditious, and if the king permits this building, they'll stop paying taxes. Wow, I'm surprised Pamela Gellar wasn't involved.
The king, no Michael Bloomburg, bless him, writes back and says, lo and behold, the Israelites are rebellious and seditious and he's going to stop all the permits for the temple. On receiving the response, the Syrians run right over to the temple work site and halt construction.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
2 Chronicles, Chapters 29-36
Chapter 29
Hezekiah orders the resumption of Passover services. They have a giant barbecue to celebrate the cleaning of the temple.
Chapter 30
Hezekiah invites the other tribes to his Passover party. They have to make lots of sacrifices to cleanse the congregation, because most of them haven't been to the temple in ages. Of course all that sacrificing just makes for a bigger, wilder barbecue.
Chapter 31
After seven days of meat, bread and wine, the Israelites need some exercise, so they go around destroying the groves, alters and icons of Baal. Then Hezekiah reinstitutes tithing to the priests, which the people take to enthusiastically, as we tend to do with new, interesting projects.
Chapter 32
The king of Assyria invades, but Hezekiah reassures his people that god is on their side, because THAT always works out so well. But this time he's right: god sends along an avenging angel who kills the raiders in their sleep. Then Hezekiah dies.
Chapter 33
Manasseh is a bad king who puts up altars to Baal, sacrifices children and practices witchcraft. But the thing that REALLY pisses god off is when he puts a graven image in the temple. Then god sends in the Assyrians. This scares the pagan right out of Manasseh and straightens him out, though not his people, who continue to make sacrifices in the hills. Then he dies and his son Amon takes over. Amon's bad and his servants kill them. Then his followers kill the servants and install his son Josiah in his stead.
Chapter 34
Josiah tears down the alters that have sprung up and kills the pagan priests. Then he orders the temple repaired. During the work the men discover a book (Deuteronomy). They read it to a priest and he realises that the Israelites haven't been following the laws. So he asks a prophetess what this lack of obedience will mean: destruction. Josiah himself is safe: it's the people who will bear the brunt of god's anger. Josiah reads the book to the people and uses it as further excuse to tear down the pagan altars.
Chapter 35
Josiah orders a Passover celebration, for the first time that I remember featuring stew as well. Then the Egyptians invade. Josiah goes out to do battle, but is wounded by an arrow and dies.
Chapter 36
A series of bad, short-lived kings takes over the throne of Israel. They're all bad, including an eight year old who somehow prefers putting up altars to Baal to playing with his Legos. Finally, the Babylonians invade and kill most of them and enslave the rest. The end.
Hezekiah orders the resumption of Passover services. They have a giant barbecue to celebrate the cleaning of the temple.
Chapter 30
Hezekiah invites the other tribes to his Passover party. They have to make lots of sacrifices to cleanse the congregation, because most of them haven't been to the temple in ages. Of course all that sacrificing just makes for a bigger, wilder barbecue.
Chapter 31
After seven days of meat, bread and wine, the Israelites need some exercise, so they go around destroying the groves, alters and icons of Baal. Then Hezekiah reinstitutes tithing to the priests, which the people take to enthusiastically, as we tend to do with new, interesting projects.
Chapter 32
The king of Assyria invades, but Hezekiah reassures his people that god is on their side, because THAT always works out so well. But this time he's right: god sends along an avenging angel who kills the raiders in their sleep. Then Hezekiah dies.
Chapter 33
Manasseh is a bad king who puts up altars to Baal, sacrifices children and practices witchcraft. But the thing that REALLY pisses god off is when he puts a graven image in the temple. Then god sends in the Assyrians. This scares the pagan right out of Manasseh and straightens him out, though not his people, who continue to make sacrifices in the hills. Then he dies and his son Amon takes over. Amon's bad and his servants kill them. Then his followers kill the servants and install his son Josiah in his stead.
Chapter 34
Josiah tears down the alters that have sprung up and kills the pagan priests. Then he orders the temple repaired. During the work the men discover a book (Deuteronomy). They read it to a priest and he realises that the Israelites haven't been following the laws. So he asks a prophetess what this lack of obedience will mean: destruction. Josiah himself is safe: it's the people who will bear the brunt of god's anger. Josiah reads the book to the people and uses it as further excuse to tear down the pagan altars.
Chapter 35
Josiah orders a Passover celebration, for the first time that I remember featuring stew as well. Then the Egyptians invade. Josiah goes out to do battle, but is wounded by an arrow and dies.
Chapter 36
A series of bad, short-lived kings takes over the throne of Israel. They're all bad, including an eight year old who somehow prefers putting up altars to Baal to playing with his Legos. Finally, the Babylonians invade and kill most of them and enslave the rest. The end.
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